


Making a Decision

by Porphyrios



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Play, Ass-eating, Bisexual Jackie Welles, Canon-Typical Violence, Chicano Culture, Come Sharing, Cultural Gender Roles, D/S Dynamics (Brief), Degradation, Drinking, Emotionally Constipated Jackie, Eventual AU - Canon Compliant At First, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Gay V, Homophobic Language, M/M, Neurotic V, Nonconsensual Drug Use (Minor), Oral Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Santa Muerte, Unhealthy Relationships, but they're working on it, well sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:48:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 72,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28537614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Porphyrios/pseuds/Porphyrios
Summary: V has been living with Jackie and his mom for a few months but his past keeps him from seeing the present clearly.  It's time to finally make some decisions.  He wants to be worthy of someone like Jackie, but his doubts can be crippling.  Meanwhile, biz is biz in Night City, and the beast waits for no-one.  Can he and Jackie find a path forward in a place like this?
Relationships: Male V/Jackie Welles
Comments: 132
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the moment is finally here :) One of them, anyway. Our boys have a bit more to go before they are snug in their lives, I'm afraid. We all know what's coming.
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos make my day :) love you all! <3 <3 <3

As usual, I woke up to shouting. "Hey V! Breakfast is ready! You comin'?" Jackie's voice was the same as ever, far too loud for the Welles home (or anywhere else for that matter). I shook my head trying to clear the cobwebs out; another night, another round of the usual nightmares about my last days at Arasaka. I could still see that prick Frank leering at me in a hall, rubbing my nose in the fact that he was above me now, that his boss was about to have mine filleted and served... though of course I didn't know that at the time. Stumbling towards the bathroom, I winced when Jackie shouted again. "C'mon, _hermano, andale_! _Huevos fríos_ are fuckin' disgusting." The sound of Mama Welles' shushing him came clearly through the thin walls as I grinned in spite of myself. Some things never changed. I hoped this was a good sign, that things weren't going to be too... awkward this morning.

Last night had been a good gig. A new up-and-comer named Biggums was trying to get a rep as a fixer (good luck with that stupid name, though). Dude sent us to a Maelstrom safehouse that looked like a fortress; turrets, cams, all sorts of whiz-bang tech that they figured would protect the kid of some cop they were trying to turn. Sad enough for them, T-Bug peeled their defenses like a grape. The shock on the guard's faces when the turret spun up and started shooting them instead of us was the sort of memory you hold on to. When we got the kid back home safe and sound, the excitement of the parents filled our hearts, and their appreciation filled our wallets. We were still way too wired to go straight home so we went out to get a drink. I didn't remember the joint we landed at, beyond an impression of darkness with lights and the noise of people trying to forget themselves. We landed at a booth with some wirehead sitting next to us fucking a BD, pants all tented up and thrusting into thin air. At least he was quiet. I only vaguely remembered ordering my usual lemonade and Jackie switching it out with a Silverhand when he thought I wasn't looking. Fucker knows I don't drink but I did last night, just to celebrate. Guess I could blame the booze for what came next. Because what I did remember, and remembered all too well, was kissing Jackie in the rush from the job, the excitement of the moment. I remembered all of it. The feeling of his short black hair when I grabbed his head, the intoxicating smell of him, cologne and musky sweat and florida water, the feeling of his too-soft lips against mine, the tastes of salt, lime, and tequila, the look of shock and surprise and what I hoped wasn't disgust, the instinctive, uncomfortable laugh as he pulled back, played it off, looked away, the crashing feeling in my gut telling me I fucked up, fucked up bad. Those things, I remembered all too well. Awkward? How about a fucking disaster. Well done, V.

Jackie knew I was into dudes; it's not like I made a secret of it. He used to make fun of me about sleeping my way up the ladder at Arasaka. 'Fuckin' shouldn't be another way of fighting, _'mano_ ,' he'd say. 'It's supposed to mean more than just another way to get a promotion.' He wasn't wrong; it's just the way things were. We laughed about some of the fucked up situations I saw, but of course I didn't tell him the down and dirty about most of what went on, even when he was telling stories about some chick he dated back when. Those weren't stories that needed to be shared. Some of the experiences weren't bad, but some were... well. Some were. But yeah, he knew I was gay. Problem was that I never got even the smallest hint that he might be, though, and that was where the whole thing went off the road and into twelve kinds of fucked up. 

"Good morning, _mijo_ ," Mama Welles said as I came around the corner. She was carrying a brown mug, raising an eyebrow at my obvious hangover. "My son took you drinking, I see. Unusual... for you, at least." She cut her eyes at Jackie, who stared at the television screen without giving any indication he was listening. She snorted. "But for you, _champurrado_ , since you feel bad." She handed me a big mug of the Mexican hot chocolate, giving me a private half-smile as Jackie looked up. Without a word she turned, ignoring him like he had pretended to ignore her, and went back in the kitchen. I knew how she spoiled him, so I gave it three... two... one...

"You made _champurrado_ for him but not me? Where's mine, _mamá_? Hey... wait a minute!" he stomped after her into the kitchen as I sipped the hot thick mixture, hearty and warm as anything to be found in Night City. Mama Welles didn't cook much, but when she did, it was all like this... another benefit of living here. She didn't serve food at her bar, El Coyote, but here it was all homemade. Memories surged back to the forefront of my mind and I grimaced into my mug. I hoped living here was something I could still do. Jackie came back in the room with a mug of his own and he grinned at me, the usual wide grin, and it was like nothing had happened. Okay, I thought. Cool. We're cool.

We weren't cool. I should have known better. Throughout the day, I noticed him watching me. Not bad; not glaring at me, or anything. But watching. Like he didn't trust me any more, like he wondered what I was about to do. That hurt. Still... OK, I figured, I surprised him. I hoped if I just played it normal, we'd get back to baseline and... it mostly worked. Every once in a while, though, I'd look up and catch those blue-grey eyes darting away. I'd know he had been staring at me, but... fuck. What a disaster.

I never meant to start falling for him. If someone had told me when I was a young corpo punk clawing my way up the ranks of Counter-Intel that I'd be gaga over some street choomba ex-gangoon I'd have laughed in their face, maybe sent them for psych eval. I usually liked my men to look like me, muscly but thin, elegant, graceful... the ballet dancer type, the fencing master. I liked poise, I liked cleverness, I liked a man with an economy of motion. Jackie Welles was nothing like any of that. He was a brick fucking wall, and about as elegant, for all his gold bling. He wasn't poised, he wasn't particularly clever (though he thought he was) and he was about as graceful as an elephant with a sore toe. Hell, he walked like his balls hurt, stumping along and practically waddling from how big his thighs were; I'd seen him squat press more plates than I weighed at the gym. What Jackie had was heart. Everything he did, he did one hundred and ten percent, and when he let you in, you were in... there were no secret places, no walls, no caveats. He was loyal like a dog is loyal, to the death and beyond. Turned out I was ready for anything but that. That level of trust was unknown, unprecedented; I didn't feel worthy of it but I craved it. By the time I realized I was watching his big hands play with things, checking out how every pair of jeans stretched over him, admiring the way his shoulders were so broad that even that car-tarp he wore as a coat strained against them... it was all over. I had it bad. I had realized weeks ago, but I'd been playing it cool, ignoring how my gut clenched when he looked at me, tried to keep him from seeing me watching that dimple in his chin when he talked... and now I felt like I'd fucked up even the friendship we had.

Days dragged by. We did another Biggums job, this time stealing a briefcase from Biotechnica for some startup out in Pacifica. It went okay. We ran a con to get this one, as opposed to our usual bang-bang... blood would draw the sharks out in corpo-work. This time I played Sick Friend, staggering along with Jackie's help and painting the shoes of the exec with synth-puke that smelled like I'd been eating shit straight from the toilet. He was so disgusted he never noticed when Jackie took his 'case and bounced; I peeled off my fake plastine face in the van and we laughed the whole way to the delivery, just like old times. Never looked inside, but the job paid well. I felt the hesitation when Jackie put his arm around me, though. I felt the extra tension in him and I hated it. He wasn't as comfortable as he should have been touching me. Despite my nerves, that night I tried to talk about the elephant in the room.

"Jackie... about the other night," I finally said, shaking in my shoes like a teenager. He looked over, raised an eyebrow. "I was outta line. Sorry about that."

"Were you?" was all he said, stone-faced. What? I was all set to ask what the fuck that meant, but he changed the subject, made sure it stayed changed. Afterwards, we went to our rooms. I lay there in the darkness and all I could think about was what he had meant by that cryptic statement.

See, the thing is, I'm not like Jackie. In a lot of things, but especially not in the bravery department. I mean, don't get me wrong, I can fight with the best of them; I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. Even so, I'm a planner. Always have been. It's why I did so well in the corplife until I... well, until I guess I didn't. Jackie just goes for what he wants, but me, I need a plan. I had my nose rubbed in that the one time I slept with my old boss, Jenkins. He had wanted it, and I figured, why not? Maybe I could get a promotion out of it. I did get the promotion, it was true, but it was a deal with the devil. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have done it. Some scars can't be erased. He warned me going in that he had 'exotic tastes'. OK, I thought, I've done some weird shit. If it's too bad, I'll bail. It seemed pretty tame, really; I rode him hard like I usually did, and he seemed to enjoy himself. I have a big cock and I pay attention, so I tended to pride myself on giving my lays a good time. We both got off, and he seemed to respond like a normal guy. When it was over, though, he still looked unsatisfied when he turned to me and said "You've got a big dick, shame you don't know how to use it." Then he just laid there and watched me. What the fuck is this, I wondered.

"You're the first complaint I've heard, sorry it wasn't good for you," I said. I mean, what was I supposed to say? He just sat there looking vaguely upset and constipated; clearly I wasn't giving him what he wanted.

"V, you know what your problem is?" he finally asked, rolling over onto his back and grinning over at me. "You know why you'll never be more than you are now? You're afraid. You won't make a decision about anything. You just react." He lit a cigarette, blowing smoke up in a stream. I felt my stomach churning from the stress I had managed to forget during sex, now rolling back. As if that wasn't enough, I remembered that this dude in my hotel bed was my boss. "Even when you see something you want, you just look at it. You're a fucking coward. And it makes me laugh." He snickered nastily and stared at me, and I knew my face was a picture of what I was feeling. Then he laid back on his pillow with a sigh of happiness. "That's what I was missing, right there. You're good and miserable now. Nothing gets me off like ruining someone's day. Now be a good little employee and fuck off."

"This... this is my room," I replied. He laughed.

"No, little boy, this is Arasaka's room. Never was yours. It belongs to the corp, and since I'm your boss that makes me, what do they call it, _in loco parentis_. So fuck off and get another room. I don't feel like getting dressed, so I won't. Take your shit and go." His scornful shit-eating grin followed me around the room as I gathered my stuff, put on the bare minimum of clothes and went to the front desk to explain that there had been some sort of mistake. They didn't raise an eyebrow; the staff was too well trained for that. But that humiliation stayed with me. That's not the sort of shit you can ever forget.

The next day Jackie said his 'ware was acting up. We went over to Vik's. I knew Jackie was sweet on Misty... I'd already been present for two of their chats, Misty telling him all sorts of mystical claptrap and him nodding along like he had any idea of what the fuck she was flapping about. I always figured she had a soft spot for Vik, but she seemed to be entertaining Jackie's infatuation. I was trying hard not to be jealous, and most of the time I could manage. He went on through into the surgery area while I hung out in the shop.

"V, you should get a reading." Misty's dreamy, mildly-annoying voice cut into my thoughts.

"Nah, Misty, I'm chill, thanks." Last thing I needed was some sort of bargain-basement 'wisdom' from my crush's current interest. Mama Welles called her ' _la brujita_ ', the little witch. Her scornful tone said it all. I'd seen Mama Welles listening closely to advice from Doña Lupe the _curandera_ , even when the old lady was looking at an egg in a glass of water or some other crazy shit, but Misty and her cards were clearly a joke to her which suited me fine.

"You know, V..." Misty's eyes were sharper than usual, peering at me. "Take some free advice, then. You need to make a decision." Memories of Jenkins grabbed me by the throat and my response was sharper than I wanted.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She folded her arms and leaned back on the counter, just staring. I think she was trying for wise and maybe spooky, but she just looked petulant. "You got something to say, say it."

She sighed. "You're a lot more obvious than you think you are." She sighed again more deeply, shaking her head slowly. "Every reading I do is stuck around you and what you choose, but it's up to you. Take it from me, it's better to take a risk than it is to..." The bell from the surgery pinged and Vik's voice came across the intercom.

"Misty? Got a sitch down here, need another set of hands." Vik sounded irritated but not stressed, so I didn't worry about Jackie. Probably some sort of third-hand-needed thing, but I hoped she would hurry up and leave. This conversation was awkward as fuck.

"Not sure what you're talking about." I said, scowling at her. I knew I sounded like a fool, but if she was saying what I thought she was saying I had literally no idea what was going on. She rolled her eyes.

"Sure, well..." she said, but Vik pinged again.

"If you can't come, I need to know. If you can, come on... this is time-sensitive." She rolled her eyes again but left without another word. I looked at her deck, sitting on the counter, then at the door, then back at the deck. I flipped over a card... had the number seven at the top. The picture was of a dude looking at a bunch of cups with all sorts of things coming out of them. Huh. Next card showed a knight on a horse, carrying another cup. What's with the cups, I wondered. The next card had a two at the top and showed a man and a woman each holding a cup, with some sort of flaming heart-lion-thing coming out of it. Jesus, was this deck all pictures of cups? I flipped through the other cards, and there were a lot of pictures that didn't make any sense to me, swords and sticks and plates with stars on them. I set the deck back down seconds before Misty came back in the door, shaking her head, but I didn't get the cards all back in the deck in time.

She looked at the three I had pulled and just flat-out laughed, like belly-laughed, something I had never heard her do before. "Guess you wanted to do your own reading." She finally said as her laughing was winding down. "Find out what you needed to know?" Her crazy hair was bigger than usual, but with the grin she was wearing she was almost cute. I guess I could see what Jackie saw in her.

"Sure," I said, feeling like 'whatever' was a little too rude despite being what I wanted to say. Who knew what the fuck any of that meant? 

I knew. Of fucking course I knew.

When Jackie came rolling in, smartlinks recalibrated and some sort of new co-processor for targeting spinning in his head, I was beyond ready to go. Of course, nothing would do but that we roll to the Second Amendment range so he could try it out. By the time we got home, it was late and Mama Welles had already headed to the Coyote for the night shift. We came in the house and tripped the lights, sat down on the couch with some drinks. "Want to watch a show?" Jackie asked.

"Nah," I said. Decisions, I thought. I _can_ make a decision. I'm going for what I want. And fuck you, Jenkins. "I wanna talk." Jackie sat back, looked at me with that calculating look he gets when he's not sure what's going on. God I would miss that look if this didn't work out.

"OK," he said finally. "Talk." I swallowed.

"I tried..." I started to say, but my mouth was so dry I almost choked. I sipped my lemonade and tried again. "I tried to apologize the other night for... for kissing you." He nodded but his face didn't move. "I'm... sorry. For doing it with... with no warning." I felt like my heart was about to pound its way out of my chest. This was miserable. "But I'm not sorry for doing it." Still he didn't move. "I'd been wanting to do that a long time." His fingers tapped on the arm of the couch, tattoos dancing as his muscles flexed, but he didn't say anything. He glanced over towards me, away, back again. "I'm sorry if this is awkward... I can... I can go." One of those huge hands landed on my arm like a rock, holding me in place.

" _Hermano_..." he said softly. "Listen. I want to ask you something, and I want you to answer me straight. OK?" I nodded, eyes tingling. Please god, I thought, don't let me start crying. "OK, good." He took a long drink of his beer, stared at the dark screen of the TV in front of us, then finally nodded once. "I watched you for years, climbin' your way up the fuckin' greasy pole at Arasaka. If you'll pardon the expression," he laughed, cutting his eyes at me like I was going to be cracking up too despite feeling flayed open and terrified. "I saw you fuckin' miserable, _muchacho_. You didn't talk about it, but you were fucked up. Every time I saw you, the circles under your eyes were darker, your eyes were harder lookin', and your nerves were worse. That last day, you answered the phone while you were pukin' your guts up in the sink at work. I said right then, this man, he spends too much time, what's that Cuban expression Gomecito uses, _comerse su propio coco_. Eating his own coconut, ain't that some shit? Did I ever tell you about the lady that thought I was Cuban?" He was grinning again, trying to make this a normal conversation. I appreciated the effort, but I was still swimming in my own nerves. Eating my own coconut indeed.

"You might look Cuban with that face, but you can't pass for anything but north Mexican when you open your mouth. Your Spanish is straight outta Sonora, Jackie." I knew my lines like an actor, I just didn't know how this play was going to end. He laughed delightedly.

"Maybe so, _vato_ , maybe so. But I'm gettin' off track here. You were wrecked. And all your bullshit corpo games and _diablería_ boiled down to being fired in a club by someone you never met. That was the night I saw you hit bottom. But that was also the night you started to get better." Jackie took another drink of his beer. What the fuck, I had to wonder, did any of this have to do with anything.

"You said you..." I tried to ask, but Jackie cut me off.

"I ain't done talkin', _callate_. You came back here and I watched you turn human again." He stopped and took in a deep breath, like he was getting ready to jump off of something. "When I was a kid, I had three brothers. I was the fourth. Now I'm the only one left." His jaw was tight as a spring. He stared into the dark screen again for a second. "You're the brother I never knew I'd have. I love you. My mother loves you." Fuck, I thought, he's letting me down easy but he's letting me down. I tried to get up again.

"I'm sorry I..." I managed to get out before Jackie jerked me back down again.

" _Callate_ I said! Goddammit, so quick to jump and run. Take a fuckin' breath. Calm yourself and just listen. I'm gettin' to my question, _tengo una pregunta mas importante_." I looked over at him and traced my eyes over that profile, the massive nose, the broad face, and god help me but I loved this man despite the fact that he was killing me one word at a time. "Now I know when you were at Arasaka you fucked around. You told me. I told you then, it was supposed to mean more, you 'member?" I nodded dumbly. "Good. That's good. At least you listen to me occasionally." I swear this man could talk around a point more than anyone I'd ever met. Usually it was fine but tonight...

"Jackie..." this was getting to be too much for real. All I'd had was lemonade and yet I felt like I was on day three of a bender and waking up facedown in a toilet somewhere, completely wrung out and dying.

"So..." he went on over my voice like I hadn't said anything. "You know you've got a home here for as long as you live. You know I'm your brother, your friend until the end, whenever it may come. You don't have to..." his voice hitched, just a little but I heard it. "You don't have to try to marry into the family to stay, is what I'm sayin'." He finally looked directly at me and his eyes were sad, so sad it cut me open. "So are you sure you..." he stopped for a moment. "I guess I'm tryin' to ask why you kissed me." Realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt like complete shit.

"Jackie," I said, barely a whisper. "No, man, it's not like that. It's never been like that. I..." I picked his hand up off my arm and kissed his fingers. "It's you, Jack. It's always only been about you, not... not all that other shit. I don't deserve you, but I want you. I've spent, uh, let's just call it a long time, wanting you, but afraid that... that..." and fuck, I was going to start crying if I wasn't careful.

"I don't usually go for _los hombres_ , you know," Jackie said. "I mean, it's happened before once or twice, that I found some guy attractive, but they usually didn't... I mean, it never really worked out that we... you know..." and it was at that moment that I realized that Jackie was blushing. My gut finally caught up to my ears and I realized this might be working out after all. "I guess I just get nervous when I get somethin' nice handed to me with no strings. I mean, why me?" he asked.

"Why..." I stopped, wanting to laugh but afraid it would be misunderstood. "Why _wouldn't_ it be you? Jackie, you're hot as fuck, you're loyal, you've got a heart of fuckin' gold, you're the most kind, trusting..." I growled in frustration, holding his eyes and shaking my head slowly at his incredulous look. "I don't _deserve_ someone as good as you, you motherfucker, and I know it. But I _want_ you," I whispered in his ear as I leaned over him, licking where the heavy gold cross looped through his earlobe. "God, I fuckin' want you so bad."

" _Ay Dios_ , okay, I believe you," he whispered back, and it was like the heavens opened and the angels sang. "But you're gonna have to show me how it all works between dudes, V. I'm in a new country with this shit."

"I think I can handle that," I said, biting my way up that massive neck I'd been watching for so long. He groaned, long and slow, and just opened up like a flower, arms and legs splaying open while I slid on top of him. We kissed, then again. I felt his arms wrap around me, the strength in them held in check so he wouldn't hurt me and I felt safe for the first time in... shit, in I don't know when. "The early part is pretty much the same," I whispered in his ear. "Do what you like." Before I knew it he had lifted me bodily off the couch like I was nothing. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me into his room. "Goddamn, Jackie," I sighed, burying my nose in his jawline. He smelled the same as the night we kissed, some light cologne and florida water and his own musky smell that hit my brain like glitter. His sheets smelled like that too, and he climbed on top of me, pinned me in and I had his weight pressing down on me, strong arms caging me, and I was surprised how comfortable I felt. Normally I couldn't stand being pinned in like this but this was Jackie, and Jackie meant safety.

"V..." his hoarse growl in my ear made me twitch. "This is crazy. I never thought I'd be doin' this with you, but shit it feels so good," his huge hands were all over me, feeling my arms, legs, in my hair. "It's definitely different with a girl, but... shit, maybe I'm V-sexual." His deep chuckle had me laughing too this time. Only Jackie would say something so ridiculous at a time like this. " _Jesucristo..._ " his hand traced my cock, painfully hard in my jeans. "I guess you weren't lying when you told me V stood for _vergón_ , eh?" I laughed again, louder this time. When we first met, Jackie had been obsessed with my name, refusing to believe that my junkie mom named me a single letter because she liked the shape of it. He was one of very few people that knew that, but he still didn't believe it, so after the fourth day of him calling me random names that started with V I told him it stood for _vergón_ , big cock, and then called him Jackoff until he stopped with the names. I had almost forgotten about that.

"Feels like you've got more than a handful yourself," I replied, palming the front of his jeans. "Can I...?" I asked. He almost ripped his jeans getting them open and I shucked them down. "Let's start slow." He stiffened and not in a good way, so I backed off a bit. His briefs were tented and I saw he was a big boy, but I didn't want to go further until he was ready.

"Yeah, I... V, I didn't even..." I knew exactly where his mind was going. He was trying to put me in the role of a woman in his dating fantasy. I pushed him back on the bed, crawling up and dragging my chest across the bulge of his hard cock as I went, nibbling along his jawline until he arched.

I leaned into his ear and whispered "Don't start talking some first-date horseshit with me, loverboy. We've been living together for months. We work together, we spend every moment together, now we just have something else we can do together. It's taken us too long to get to the fucking as it is, we're practically already married. Now just shut up and let me suck your cock." He laughed, which was the secondary goal, but he also relaxed, which was the primary goal I wanted to accomplish. I worked my way back down that massive, muscular body, sliding his shirt up and biting at the ridges of muscle. Jackie looked almost fat in his clothes because he was so stocky but when his clothes were off the truth was revealed... he was a solid block of muscle, slabs of it, with not even a trace of softness around his waist. He just had a huge frame, and I licked along the seams where the access port for his augs poked out at his sternum. The little traces of gold and plasticine were hard on my tongue but it all just tasted and smelled like Jackie, hot and wonderful. Those enormous hands were tangled in my hair, but cupping my head like I was something precious. I moaned when I could feel the cold band of gold from the ring he wore pressing against the crown of my head. Slowly I lowered his briefs and his cock bounced out, almost hitting me in the jaw, a trail of clear pre-come drool landing on my face. He was pretty big for a normal sized guy, it was just average looking on his massive frame. Still, what a fucking gorgeous piece of meat he had. I stuck out my tongue and licked him off my lips, looking up at him through my eyelashes where he was staring down. "Delicious," I murmured and he groaned like I was killing him.

His balls were enormous; no wonder he walked like he did. I cupped them in one hand while I skinned back his foreskin with the other, running my tongue along the seam. He was breathing like he was running a race, and I idly wondered how many blowjobs my Jackie had received up until now. I knew for sure I wanted this one to be memorable. He was mumbling to himself in Spanish as I slid my lips slowly over the head and ran my tongue across it, back and forth, then slowly slid down. I didn't have much gag reflex, thankfully, or else I would have been in trouble, but I forced him down my throat and relished the burn. His balls drew up in my hand and I tugged them back down, making him groan again, even louder this time. I should have known he would be loud in bed like he was loud everywhere else. I pulled off his cock and slid my hand up and down it as I licked and nibbled my way along those enormous babymakers, licking along the crease with his thigh until he shrieked and opened his leg a little further letting me go even further down into his crack. I didn't think he was quite ready for the experience of being rimmed yet but I looked forward to turning that mass of muscle into a pile of quivering jelly with just my tongue; maybe I could make a braindance of it for times when I needed to come and only had 30 seconds to do it. Moving back up, I took him in my mouth. He was moaning loud now. "V... I'm... I'm not gonna last much... V, for real, I..." he tried talking, but it was too much. He was wasting his breath anyway. I knew he was about to come, I knew what those trembling legs and short breaths meant, and I wanted every drop of what he had to offer. He scrabbled a bit in my hair before a series of quick, panting moans told me to expect a full mouth. Full it was, too... god that man could produce some serious amounts of come, I thought I was going to drown for a second. Finally I cleaned him up, licking the final droplet off him after I milked it out with one hand.

"Jesus, Jackie, been a while, huh? That was about a gallon," I said, sliding up the bed. He was splayed out, a giant smile wreathing his face, and anyone that saw him would know he had just gotten off from the blissed out expression. "Thank you," I whispered as I kissed the side of his mouth. "Never thought I'd get to do that." He pulled me over and kissed me properly, tongue plunging into my mouth for a second before he pulled back.

"Huh," he said, kissing me again, longer this time. "So that's what nut tastes like. Not as bad as I thought," and the thought of him tasting himself in my mouth had me ready to come in my own pants. "The way the _chicas_ carry on about it, I expected it to be a lot worse." Jackie reached down and unbuttoned my pants, shocking me a bit, then shocked me even more by manhandling my trousers off in short order. He was so strong, just slinging my legs around... like before, normally I would have fought, hated it, but... I mean... it was Jackie. " _Que vergón, mi corazón_ ," he whispered, running his hand along my the ridge my cock made in my underwear. When he pulled my boxers down, he stopped and gave a low whistle. "God damn, V, maybe I changed my mind." I laughed, hoping like fuck he was joking. Luckily for me, he was. "I dunno why you were with Arasaka when you could have just made porn with this fuckin' thing," he chuckled. He leaned down closer to it and looked at it, like stared, and I made it jump in his hand. He jumped and then giggled like a little kid, and a wash of warmth went through me despite how turned on I was. His tongue came out and gave my cock a tentative lick. I guess with the size of the rest of him, I should have expected his tongue to be big too, but his tongue was huge and long and he used it like a pro. A memory of those girlfriends he mentioned from before went through my mind before I could shut it down and I knew they had been some happy bitches... he's mine now, though, I thought at them in my own mind. He's mine for as long as I have him.

While I was thinking he was learning. He took the head in his mouth, then pulled back. "Keep your lips over your teeth," I told him. He grunted and gave me an embarrassed face, but I stroked his cheek and grinned. "No shame in it, man, you're learning. Besides, just seeing you down there is enough to get me off as it is." He grinned back, nerves forgotten, then leaned forward and took the first few inches in, promptly gagging and pulling off. "Go slow," I warned him. "No need to choke. Think about how you've been blown. You've had your cock sucked, you know what dudes like in general." I felt one of his hands slide up to cup my nuts like I had done his and sighed. This might not last as long as I wanted it to. When his mouth went back over the end and I felt that tongue working, I knew it definitely wasn't going to last much longer. I could feel the tension running all up my back already, my hips fighting to punch upwards into that warm, wet mouth. "You... uh... you don't have to... Jack, watch out... if... oh god..." He stayed on for the first shot like a trooper but pulled off after that. His hand worked me steady through it, though, pulling each load out and I saw the first few go over his face, saw him swallow what was in his mouth already, and I thought I might have died and gone to heaven without noticing. He smacked his lips, then did what I had done, milking out the last drops and licking it off the tip. I dragged him up and kissed him, loving the taste of my come in his mouth. "Fuck," I groaned and licked into him again and again.

"Shit, V, you like that, huh," he said.

"Fuck yeah I love it... One day I'll eat your ass after I come inside you and you'll find out just how much... uh..." I said before my brain caught up with my mouth. I felt myself flushing bright red, but shit, I'd said it. His eyes got big for a minute but I'll give him credit, he didn't freak out.

"Let's, ah... let's work up to that, okay? Maybe not tonight." I laughed breathlessly and curled up in his arms. Maybe not tonight, indeed. I knew we had a lot ahead of us, and a rocky road at that. Somehow we were going to have to explain this new development to Mama Welles. Not everyone in Haywood was supportive of gay people, even in this day and age. The Valentinos weren't going to like that one of 'theirs' was fucking a merc, retired ganger or not. But all of that shit could wait until tomorrow. Tonight, I was in the arms of the man I never thought I'd have, and I was feeling pretty damn tight. For the moment, life was good, and that was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q: What do you do when you start dating your best friend and his mom finds out?  
> A: Panic. Panic is always a good option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so... this was originally going to be a one-shot about getting off with Jackie Welles. I wrote that. Then the story kept unfolding in my mind, so... here we go. It shouldn't be too too long, but if you just came here for smut, there will be plenty but I'm hoping to get these boys to some sort of a happy ending - which means an AU for those of you who played the game. If you like what you read (or if you don't), let me know in the comments. I'll try to keep this from dragging out. Love you all <3

We had absolute confidence that we could keep our new situation private. Jackie and I talked about it a little the morning after our big breakthrough, figured we could sit on it for a bit and see where it went, keep it quiet, and bring it out on our own terms. We were probably going to be getting off together every night like horny teenagers but during the day, we could make sure to act like nothing had changed. How hard could it be, right?

I don't think we made it three full days. Guadalupe Welles should have been a fixer; she always knew more than she ever should. She could read your mind by looking at your face. I dunno whether running a bar gave her special powers, or whether she had them before, but however it worked the first time she sat in a room and looked at him, looked at me, and I saw the change in her expression. I mean, he and I weren't even sitting near each other! Creepy. Woman is fucking creepy sometimes. But anyway, she got real quiet for a few minutes and then said "Jaquito, you got something to tell me?" Quiet, judgey voice, with a hint of disappointment... it was sort of a shame she didn't go into a corp, she'd have been running the place in two years with a voice like that.

Of course Jackie only has street face with people that don't know him well, and with his own mother? Shit, might as well pull his brain out and just hand it to her. She got a look of mortal terror from him, followed by "N-n-no, _mamá_ , what do you mean?" Acting guilty as fuck, mind you. If he'd been my kid I'd have beaten his ass on general principles... nothing that produced that look could be good. She just nodded, looked down, and got up and left the room. Of course, as if what he'd done already wasn't bad enough, he looks over at me with this miserable look that made me want to wrap my arms around him like a little kid and stage-whispers "She _knows_." Well, I thought, whether she knows we're fucking or not, at least she knows for sure now she ain't going to like the answer she gets when she gets an idea what's going on.

We didn't see her again that day. She spent the morning in what I always called her study, but she and Jackie just called _el cuadro_ , the room. There were a bunch of candles in there, a giant lifesize statue of the Virgin of Guadalupe, usually surrounded by a metric fuckton of flowers, and a chair. That's it. She used to sit in there and pray, I guess; God and I never really saw much in each other, so I was sort of clueless about such things. I always thought the statue was a little creepy, with its long crowned cloth mantle draped around what was almost a baby-doll face, smiling and painted and totally fake looking, with all these white and red candles around its feet. They were always lit. She must have bought them by the case from somewhere, but I never saw them, there were just... always burning candles in there. There were other candles around the room, green and yellow and blue and black, but I never saw them burning, just the white and red ones. Jackie kept walking past the door, stopping like he was going to knock, and then walking on, shaking his head. 

I spent the morning watching reruns of _Veinte Cuadros_ on TV, some reality-TV _telenovela_ about an apartment building supposedly in the poor part of the city. It was hysterical to watch, at least for someone who actually saw such places in real life. In the show the buildings were safe and well lit, all the apartments were sparsely furnished but clean, there was always fresh food... it was like a rich corpo's idea of what life was like for the poor. People complained about money in every episode but somehow there was always enough... no grandma selling her organs to feed her grandkids or get medicine in _VC_. Even as ridiculous as it was, though, I'd much rather watch drama on the screen than in my life; always been that way. These folks on this show had plenty, too, and not the normal tenement drama like "what is there to eat", "who sold their kid for glitter money" and "why don't my implants work any more". Nah, this was all who was running with the Valentinos, who was trying to become a fixer, who was pregnant, who was dead, who was sleeping with whom (usually a bunch of other whoms, sometimes all at once)... people changed allegiances on the show like changing clothes, this week these two were best friends, last week they were shooting at each other in the stairwell. It was a good distraction.

Time crawled by. Somehow both Jackie and I were out of the main room when she left to go to El Coyote. Like I said, special powers. I went and sat next to him on the couch but he was a ball of nerves, hands twitching, and every time I leaned anywhere near him he just about crawled out of his skin. Every time I looked around, the fucking Santa Muerte picture behind the couch was staring at me, which didn't help. Finally I sat back and sighed. "Okay, you win, we'll tell her."

" _Como_? No, nonono, I don't... I didn't... fuck. _Fuck_!" He looked panicked and now I was starting to worry. I'd seen Jackie run directly into a gun battle laughing, and he was so freaked out right now that he was pale and sweating. He was so upset it was starting to freak me out too.

"Jackie..." I took a deep breath and held it, let it out, trying to calm myself down. Both of us being upset wouldn't help anything. "Is this about the gay thing? Or because it's me? Or both?" I thought back to my Arasaka days and dragged up my best game face, splayed back in the couch like I didn't have a care in the world, not a sign that my heart was feeling a little preemptively broken right now. This was so new, and I just knew I was about to lose it.

"I... it's not about you; shit, I wouldn't even be doin' this with anyone but you, _hermano_." The nervous smile I got from him unknotted my guts enough to listen to the rest. Jackie went on, "It's just that... V, you don't understand. _Ay, mi madre_... I can't..." he sputtered and stammered for a while more while I sat and made calming noises until he was finally able to untangle himself enough to explain. The process took a long time. Finally, though, in short bursts of information buried in a lot of nervous mumbling, it came down to this: Mama Welles knew I was gay, and could give two shits. Because I wasn't her kid, or at least that's as best as I could make out... there was so much reassurance around the idea that I was part of the family in there that it was a little confusing. Even so, there was a problem - the difference between having your adopted son fucking dudes and having your blood son fucking dudes was so enormous that words couldn't do it justice, at least if they were words from Jackie Welles. The other strand of this panic attack he was having was that since I was his brother in some fashion, that sleeping with me was 'like incest', though this point made even less sense to me than the first.

"Jackie, you... I mean, no offense, but you know we're not actually related by blood, right? Not that I don't feel like part of the family and all, but..." I shrugged and all he could say over and over was that I 'just didn't get it'. I couldn't argue that point at all. He finally calmed down enough that I could touch him, so I did. I couldn't get enough of touching him, honestly. Today he was wearing a thin t-shirt, Wolf Clan logo stretched tight over his muscles, and the feel of all that hard flesh under my hands was like a lullaby to my spirit. Just snuggling up to him and putting my nose into the space between his ear and shoulder, smelling him, it was really odd to me how much that meant. I was never a cuddly sort, to put it very mildly. Even when I was young, I was always down to fuck but once everyone had gotten off, the clothes went back on and my personal space was mine again; anyone attempting to hang on me was decidedly unwelcome. The few gonks who tried to be touchy-feely when we weren't in bed got set straight quickly. After starting at Arasaka things only got worse; just the idea of someone being that close made me feel not just unpleasant but truly unsafe. With Jackie, though, he could lay over me like a blanket and my only complaint was if I couldn't breathe. It was seriously weird. In three days I'd gone from not being able to touch him like I wanted to not being able to imagine surviving in a world where I couldn't. He was touchy-feely by nature, so it was normal to him, but to me it was like finding water after spending my life dying of thirst and not knowing why.

To put a pin in a day that seemed destined to be complete shit, Padre called and was less than pleased about us doing biz with Biggums. I didn't realize that they knew each other, let alone that they were competing, but the old man was furious and I didn't want beef with Ibarra for sure. I told him I would tell Biggums quickest that we were busy in perpetuity and not to ring us again. Immediate problem solved, but there went our newest source of income, straight down the shitter. Jackie would have been mad on a normal day, but he was full up on problems today so all I got was a groan and a distracted " _AsÍ es el Padre_ ," so I guess it could have been a lot worse.

Finally, after hours of stress, I got him to start relaxing. I didn't want to tell Mama Welles, don't get me wrong; I could think of about a thousand things I'd rather do than sit down with the lady who took me in, no questions asked, and explain to her that I'd fallen head over heels and then into bed with her son, my best friend. Things like, oh, getting shot, or maybe french-kissing some corporate black ICE. Even so, I knew that eventually it was going to have to be done, so I made my theoretical peace with it. Still, I didn't want Jackie to sit around working himself up all night about it so I decided it was time for a little distraction. When I was working for Arasaka, I had developed a taste for the preem candies they had delivered to the rooms at Konpeki Plaza... little confections of hazelnuts and chocolate, they always tasted like sin and sex all rolled up in a sweet bite-sized package. The day before I found a single tiny box of them for sale in a store for a stupid amount of eddies; never would have recognized them without the colors on the label. I was flush from our last job so I bought it on the quiet and stashed it, but now... I went in my room, got one of the chocolates in my hand and came back out, settled myself next to Jackie on the couch. He was half-watching some crime show but I leaned over. "Open your mouth," I said, low and sexy.

"Open my... why?" He started to talk like he always did when he was confused, but talking wasn't what I wanted. I put one finger over his lips, then used it to open his mouth. Leaning over so he wouldn't see, I popped the truffle in my mouth, bit down to mix the flavors, then leaned in to kiss him. As soon as my lips touched his, I used my tongue to share the sweet combination with him. I felt him laughing more than heard it, then he started licking the taste out of my mouth. Big arms came up around me and I was straddling his massive thighs, fighting a grin that would have ruined our increasingly heated kiss. I was sure our faces were a mess of melted chocolate but I didn't care. This was a level of fantasy I had never reached before; I'd beat off to thoughts of sucking him, him fucking me, on good days if I felt some optimism maybe thoughts of him letting me fuck him, but this sort of thing... this was romance movie shit. I never imagined I could have it, these were things for other people. My fingers were stroking the short black bristles of his hair on the back of his head, my nose was full of the scent of chocolate and Jackie, my cock was feeling the pressure of the bulge in his pants...

... And that was the precise moment that Mama Welles opened the door and walked into the apartment.

We both sprang apart like cats, but it was beyond too late, especially with the mess all over our faces around our swollen mouths. Jackie stammered and stuttered at her, but there wasn't any way that anything was going on except what was very fucking clearly going on. Even a stupid woman would know better, and she was far from stupid. She didn't say much, though her lips pressed down into a thin line and almost vanished. She just walked in, nodding, looking back and forth from Jackie to me, and I thought he was going to start crying. "Jaquito, go wash your face and go up to your room. I will speak to you in a bit," she said softly, but the words were crystal clear in the quiet apartment. "V, you wash up too. Come to _el cuadro_ when you are clean. I will speak to you in front of _la Virgen_." I nodded. What the fuck else was I supposed to do? She gave me one long look and walked into the other room, and I heard the door to her study open and then close. Jackie gave me a stricken look like she had shot me, but his mouth opened and no words came out. Finally he put his head down and walked over to the steps, looking like he had aged a thousand years in one minute.

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "V..." he said softly. "Don't... don't make any promises you can't keep. Not to... not to _la Virgen_." With that, he vanished upstairs, leaving me wondering what the fuck was going on. I went into the downstairs bathroom and looked in the mirror. Jesus, I thought, looking at the messy, guilty, completely trashed face looking back at me, no wonder she's mad. I washed the chocolate off my cheeks, the sweetness now tasting like ashes in my mouth. I washed my face over and over, trying to scrub the guilt away with the chocolate, but it went deeper than my skin. This lady had taken me in at the say-so of her son, trusting his judgement that I was a good person, that I was not going to take advantage of her. I didn't, but somehow, I still felt like I had betrayed her trust. Obviously she agreed with me on that. I walked out and looked at the door to the study. I guess this was time to make another decision: go in or just run away? I thought of Jackie, and knew if I didn't play this through, I would be letting him down. Seen in that light, there was only one choice. Bracing myself, I knocked on the study door, then opened it and almost recoiled.

"Come in," she said. She was sitting on the chair, and another chair had appeared from somewhere. I barely saw that, though. The whole headdress of the statue had been removed; the peaceful china-doll face of the Virgin of Guadalupe was gone along with it. Now the statue was of a woman with the face of a bloody skull. All the white candles were out, only the red ones were burning, and it was eerie as fuck. "Shut the door," Mama Welles said, and I did, though the urge to run was strong. "Sit," she said, motioning to the chair and I crept down, feeling like a mouse in the gaze of a snake under the cold eyes across from me and the empty eye sockets staring down at me. She sat for a moment, long enough to give me the feeling that she was waiting for me to do or say something, before she finally spoke. "I know what I saw. I don't need you to explain that. What I need you to explain is how that came to be." I nodded; this was going to be horrible, no matter what, but at least she sounded calm. The first question made it clear that she was anything but. "Are you blackmailing him?"

"What?!" I half-shouted. Her glare threw me back in the chair like she had punched me.

"Are you holding something over his head? Is that how you got him to do these things with you?" She was breathing heavily now, like she was running, and her face was pale and set but furious. "If you lie to me, it will be better if you had died already. _La Muerte_ knows when you lie, so be careful, _mijo_ ," as she gestured at the statue. This was beyond creepy and well into what the fuck territory, but I shook my head.

"No, I..." She cut me off.

"Did you give him something? _Drogas, brujería_ , something to trap him into this?" I realized she was trying to think of some way to excuse him, make this all my fault and him a victim, and that made me feel angry and sad at the same time.

"Did he look trapped to you?" I ran my hand down my face, trying to calm down. "I told him how I felt. I gave him the choice. He said yes of his own free will." I cut my eyes at the terrifying statue, grinning down at me with Death's permanent amusement. "I swear it."

"So," she said in a vicious voice, "you want me to believe, you swear to me in front of _la Santissima Muerte_ herself, that my son, who has never looked twice at a man, _se vuelve a maricón_ , and for you? This I do not..." It was my turn to cut her off.

"Look, Mrs. Welles," I growled, figuring 'Mama' wasn't respectful when you were fighting, "you can call me whatever you want, but you don't call Jackie that. Ever. If you ever fucking call him that again, or even use that word in reference to him, you and I are going to have a problem." She drew back, but seemed more surprised than offended. Finally she nodded.

"Hm," was all she said in response. She glanced up at the statue herself, and I wondered what she saw there. After a moment, she spoke again. "Alright. So tell me. I knew all along you were... that way. I don't care, people are the way they are, and you are a good man... I thought you were." Her mouth tightened again, deep creases appearing at the corners. "I suspected that you had feelings for him, but..."

"I didn't mean to fall for him." I said. I felt like I owed her the truth, at least. "He's not my usual type, he's just... he's so bright, like the sun, and he's so good. Handsome. Loyal. He has so much heart, I... I..." tears were running down my face and she looked at me in amazement.

"You really mean these things," she said softly. "And you told him this? And to this, he said yes?" I nodded, sniffling.

"I told him... I told him when we first talked about it. I told him I knew I didn't deserve him, but that I wanted him. And it's true. I don't. But I did. I do. For as long as he will have me." She sighed, but her face fell. Without the anger, she looked like she had aged a decade in a day.

"V, you make it very hard to be angry with you." She laughed, sounding bitter and tired. "Maybe one day I will appreciate that again." She glanced around the room at the photos on the wall, lines deepening on her face. "V... please understand. I had four boys, once. My husband died stupidly, like a joke, but he left me with four beautiful sons. And I could keep living, because they needed me. Hector, Oscar, Raúl..." she gestured to each one in turn, each picture set in a tiny shrine. Each one was their own man, but I could see how much they each resembled Jackie in some way. "...and Jaquito, the baby, my youngest. He's all I have left," she rasped, looking at me and the desperation in her face was horrible. "He's... he's the last. And he does these dangerous things with you. I can't stop him, he's a man now, he has to live his own life, but... I want him to get married, to settle down, to have babies. He will make a wonderful father. He..." now we were both crying. "This... this _ciudad chingada_ , it took each of my sons from me, and each time I told myself, 'maybe that was it, maybe things will be good now' even though I was dying every day. I don't hate you, V, but you can't give him babies, you can't calm him down. You can't even calm yourself down. And if he... if he... _ay, Dios le bendiga_ , I can't even say it. But I can't lose him." I nodded; we were together on this as well.

"You're right, I can't give him babies." I sighed. "I don't know if I can settle him down or not. You might be right." She was staring at me now; clearly, me agreeing with her wasn't something that had occurred to her as possible. "But I can promise you this. The thought of something happening to him is as bad for me as it is for you. Anything... and I mean anything... I can do to prevent that, I will do." I grinned, though I didn't feel like grinning; I felt like punching a hole through the wall, but it wasn't my house. "If I were a good man, a less selfish man, I might leave him so he could have the future you describe. Maybe he would meet a nice girl, settle down; then again, maybe not. But it doesn't matter, because I'm just not that good. I never claimed to be. Even though I just got with him, already I can't do that. I'm not going to hurt myself and the best man I've ever met just on the off chance that he might go do something that makes you happy." She snorted in spite of herself, apparently realizing when I put it that way how ridiculous her request really was. I was glad she got it, because my urge to punch a wall didn't need to get much stronger.

She finally shifted and sighed, wiped her face, looked up at the statue again. The skull flickered in the candlelight, looking like it was moving, and the sight made me twitch again. "So," she finally said. "I suppose now we understand each other. I cannot say I am not... surprised by this." I glanced up and caught her eye, huffed a laugh. "My son is as transparent as glass in most things, and yet can still surprise me completely. I suppose this is what it means to be a mother. Will you promise me something?" I must have looked doubtful, because she laughed, and this time she sounded like the Mama Welles I knew. "Only this: promise me that you will live by what you said earlier. You will do anything in your power to keep him safe. Will you do that?" I nodded. That I could do. Hell, I was going to do that anyway. "Good, give me your hand." I held it out, expecting to shake on it, only to jerk back when she pricked my finger with a needle. She hauled my hand forward again and pressed a chunk of copal to the bead of blood she had drawn. Doing the same to herself, she put a drop of her own blood on the copal and used tongs to hold it in the flame of a candle until it caught alight, then she set it on a plate. " _Santissima Muerte_ , receive this promise." I felt a whole body shiver and suddenly understood; this is what Jackie had meant about making promises. He knew what I was walking in here for... of fucking course he did, he grew up in this house. The copal flared suddenly, a bright tongue of flame shooting up, and the sweet smell I had noticed around the house filled the room. So that's what that was, I thought, but Mama Welles was staring at the plate. The fire flickered white, then went out in a coil of thick white smoke, and her eyebrows crept upwards. " _Gracias a Dios, gracias a la Virgen, y_... I mean, and thank you as well, V. I feel... better now." I was glad she felt better; I was unnerved as fuck and really ready to get out of that little room with the robed skeleton staring at me.

"No problem," I said, standing up.

"Before you go..." she said quickly, making me glare before I caught myself. She laughed in my face. "This is still my house. You are my son, in two ways now I suppose, but there are rules in this house. First, there will be no scandalous carrying on like I came home to tonight, certainly not in the public areas of the house. Properly, there should be no sex of any sort under my roof." I gave her an offended look and she laughed again, the old witch. "It would be the same if you were boy and girl, do not make this face at me. Second, you will come and learn how to fix some of the foods Jaquito likes; he is useless in the kitchen, and I will not be here forever. Someone should know how to cook for him." I realized that I had just become the daughter in law in her mind, and laughed in spite of myself. The next thing she said rocked me back. "Third, I think you should begin to look for your own place. _Necesitas su propia casa, mijo_. And, _ojalá_ , if you and Jackie last, then when the time comes it will give Jackie another place to feel at home, which is a gift I cannot give him." I was so busy feeling devastated that she was throwing me out, the second part of the sentence took a minute to hit me and when it did I goggled at her like she'd shot me. She smiled at me, sort of, but it was a smile full of exhaustion. "What can I say? I am not happy with how this is, but _sea como sea_ , it will work out however it does. You will fight with me over what I call my own son, that is not nothing. For whatever reason _La Virgen_ accepts you completely, and who am I to argue with her? Besides, I suppose better even you than _la brujita... porque La Señora no la quiere_." I left the room to the sound of her chuckling.

I got upstairs to the sight of Jackie waiting on the landing, pacing back and forth. He stared at me with wide eyes, but before he could speak I spoke first. "You could have at least warned me."

He stammered, "No, V, I... it..." then he stopped, laughed, and gave me that boyish grin that always cracked my heart, even when I was mad at him. "You lived, didn't you? Now you are _un chicano nochero de verdad_." He threw an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in. When I was pressed against him, he murmured in my ear, "Some things we don't talk about, _'mano_. Some things you just gotta live through for yourself." I sighed and nodded, because there wasn't much point fighting about it now. "What did she say?" he asked as he pulled back.

"Jaquito," Mama Welles called up the stairs in a peremptory voice. " _Vamos, mijo_." He jerked like he'd received an electric shock and turned towards the steps.

I gambled on the short answer that would mean the most. "She said the Virgin accepted me completely, so who was she to argue." He stumbled and almost fell down the stairs, staring up at me as he rounded the bend with eyes like saucers. Huh, I thought, looks like I guessed right. The bang of the door to the study closing was loud and I went to bed, the conversations of the night circling in my head. It took a long time to go to sleep.

The next morning was... weird. I slept like I was trying to grab some Z's in the middle of Totendanz; every stray sound had me wide awake, seeing skeletons and angry faces, but once I finally dragged myself out of bed, Jackie came over and kissed me on the fucking cheek and said 'good morning' like... like I don't know what. Like he would do for his output, like that sort of thing was normal, when it sure as fuck wasn't, at least not before today. In front of his goddamn mother, at that. For her part Mama Welles smiled at me like none of the words we had traded the day before happened, fixed me a cup of _champurrado_ like she had the other day, and went off to work on paperwork in the kitchen. I was left wandering the house like some sort of cyberpsycho, waiting for the other shoe to drop. We finally left the house to go to Second Amendment for some target practice and we were barely in the car before I was asking "So what the fuck happened, Jackie? Why's everything so..." I trailed off, not sure how to put this in words.

He raised an eyebrow, looked over at me. "So what?"

"So... normal?" He laughed like I had told a joke but I still felt like my skin was two sizes too tight. "Jack, seriously, man. I got yelled at by your mom in front of a giant creepy skeleton, I..." He put his hand over my mouth, something he'd never done before. His face was as serious as I'd seen it when we weren't in a situation.

"Don't joke like that, OK?" I gave him a major what-the-fuck look but nodded, and he took his hand away. "Seriously, just... just don't, _hermano_. It's not respectful. We don't talk about some things in public, and she's one of those things. And we never joke about her." He sat for a minute while I thought about that. "Sorry about that," he said suddenly, kissing my fingers as we drove.

"OK, I'm sorry too, no disrespect intended, but... you gotta admit, Jack, for someone from my background most of what happened yesterday was pretty fuckin' unusual." He had the nerve to act like he was thinking about it and finally nodded, made a yeah-I-can-see-your-point face which told me straight up he was fucking with me. "Come on, you asshole, what did your mom say to you?" He studied the road for a second like he wasn't going to tell me then laughed, grinning over at me.

"Nothing like the reaming I figured I was in for. She told me some of what you guys talked about, basically asking me _pero porque un hombre_? like I figured she would, but... she had no idea I'd even thought about it, so it was a real shock. Whatever you guys talked about settled her down pretty good though, there was a lot more talking and a lot less yelling than I figured I was gonna get." He cut his eyes over at me, suddenly uncomfortable. "Did you... did you have to make any promises?"

"Yeah," I said, looking out the window. "Just one. But it was something I was gonna do anyway." He looked over and I looked away, not ready to tell him the whole convo, but my phone rang. It was Padre, and he had a job for us; guess he figured he better throw us a bone since he took away our Biggums connection, and hey... I wouldn't argue. Seemed the Tygers had set up a gambling op just across the river, pushing into 'Tino territory. They had strong backing from the north, and the Valentinos weren't really in a position to start a major beef at this point so Padre wanted to contract it out. Because of the situation, if we could pin it on someone else he'd pay a bonus. So much for target practice. We swung by Northside, took out a few Maelstrom boys standing around on the streetcorner, and put on their clothes with holo-masks (it took us forever to find a group where one was Jackie's size). The only problem with the plan was these clothes fucking reeked. By the time we got to the Claws' gambling den, it was sunset and the place was packed. I used a voxer to change my voice to the Maelstrom growl, fired a few shotgun blasts into the ceiling to scare off the marks, generally made a scene. While the civilians were fighting their way out of the joint I took out a guard and molotov'ed the fuck out of one of the tables. As the main Tyger Claw security rolled in, I ran out quick as I could and Jackie tossed in a box of grenades, blew the whole storefront out. I took a minute to paint some Maelstrom graffiti on the walls and a laughing clown just to fuck with them, and we beat feet. By midnight we were kicked back at Padre's laughing our asses off, watching the numbers roll into our accounts. Jackie was pounding back tequila shots and I was talking with the old man.

"Hey Padre," I called out, "you got any leads on a decent place to live?"

"For you or somebody else?" he replied. He looked tired as always; I don't think the old man ever slept. Still, tonight he was grinning like he'd just heard a good joke, so I figured it was a primo time to ask. "Come on, let's go in my office if we're gonna talk biz." I told Jackie I'd be right back and he nodded but watched as I left. When the old man sat in his chair, I took one in front of the desk.

"For me," I said. "I've been camping with Jackie 'til I got my feet under me but with this job, I got enough scratch for a down payment for a decent spot. Nothing too fancy, but not in some shitwreck tenement either, you know how it goes." He nodded, eyeing me, then sucked his teeth.

"Does Jackie know you're looking for a place?" he finally asked. As if that didn't take the fucking prize. I nodded impatiently.

"Yeah, of course, him and his mom both, we've talked about it. I was just crashing at their place, they've been more than kind. What's the old saying, fish and guests start to stink after three days? It's been about three months past that by this point." I grinned but he looked skeptical.

"Not offhand, V... let me ask around, see what I've got. I'll call you." I nodded and went out to the circle of soldiers and the rest of Padre's crew, collected up the by-now-drunk Mister Welles, and climbed behind the wheel, not knowing what sort of trip I had signed up for. Before our relationship changed, riding with a drunk Jackie was entertaining. He would laugh, sing, talk, basically put on a one man show, and keep me entertained while I drove us home. He was the life of the party. Now, though, the focus of his whole one man show was that he wanted to get off... right now. Not a bad thing, not at all, but not something I could give him while we were moving down a dark highway in the middle of a sketchy part of the city. Worse than that, my cock thought the whole thing was a great idea, so I was hard as a rock in my pants which was fucking uncomfortable even before a giant hand kept pawing at my crotch while I was driving.

"Jackie, quit," I said softly, trying to peel his hand off my cock. It was like trying to detach a magnetic grapple. Worse yet, he started whispering to me, whispering filthy things.

"Come on, V, I want to see your cock, you know I love it, it's so big... I never seen a cock so big, even in pornos." Thankfully this was such a ridiculous statement it cooled me off a bit, but he didn't slow down. "You should make a BD so I could watch it and find out what it feels like to have a cock like that. Mmm speakin' of cocks... I wish you were _mamando mi verga_ right now, you do it better than anyone I've ever been with, you're so good, your fuckin' lips, _mi corazón_..." By now I was so horny it was making me mad. As if that weren't enough, I had this giant drunken wanna-be sex god leaning over in his seat trying to suck on my ear while he muttered shit into it that he somehow knew was going to push every fucking button I had. "I got a big load stored up just for you, _hermano_ , don't you want it? I wanna fuckin' drown you in my come, wanna fill you up and then taste it in your mouth, I know you like that..." I sighed in frustration.

"Jackie, god-fuckin'-dammit, stop. It doesn't matter how horny you get me, you're just gonna piss me off if I'm driving when you do it." He gave me a sour face, then leaned back, looking out the window like a sulky kid. I thought for a minute we were going to get home but no... after a minute or two he made a grunting sound and started to unzip his pants, right in the car. Pulled his cock out and started rubbing it, and I didn't know whether I wanted to stop and swallow it in the middle of the road or just throw him out. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Gettin' off. If you won't help, I'll do it myself." He gave me a bulldog look, all fake-offended (god I hoped it was fake) and I just about came in my pants. We were less than a mile from home, to add insult to injury.

" _Señor_ Welles," I said sternly, "if you waste any of your delicious come by shooting it on your clothes I will make you one sorry motherfucker. Just so you know." He grinned at me, still stroking; as much tequila as he had drunk, it was amazing his dick was up at all, but if anyone could come like that I knew it was going to be Jackie. Each time his foreskin slipped back over the head, it made a wet little clicking noise that went through me like a scalpel. "And," I said, turning onto Wilson and the home stretch, "I'll lock my door tonight."

"That's unfair, _chico_ ," he mumbled. "You don't fight fair." His hand had mostly stopped now. Drunk as he was, I suspected he forgot what he was doing.

"Fight fair?" I laughed out loud, counting the blocks in my mind until we got back to the house. "First off, fair is for pussies, I fight to win. Second of all, for a gonk who less than a week ago was telling me he had never done shit with another dude and didn't know what to do, you sure are a fast learner. I'm beginning to wonder if you told me the whole story." He scoffed and looked away, but even in the dim light I could see the blush rising. Hm. Interesting. "Now Mister Welles, we are gonna get your drunk ass in the house, I'm gonna take you up to the bathroom, and we are going to wash the smell of Maelstrom off us. Hopefully we didn't catch some sorta crud from those gonks' clothes, because it's been hours and we both still smell like fuckin' chrome armpits. And then..." I finally, finally got the car parked where it belonged and turned to face him. If we weren't in the middle of the street I might have given him a kiss. "Then we will see." I reached over and grabbed his cock, half-soft now from the distraction, and tucked it back in his pants. He was sleepy now, all the horniness blown past like a storm out in the Badlands. I sighed, starting the process of getting him in the house.


	3. Chapter 3

Getting a drunk Jackie Welles to do anything was like trying to pour NiCola back into the baggie through the ministraw. I finally lost patience and abandoned him in the kitchen, telling him "I'll be upstairs taking a shower. I'd recommend you take one too, because you stink. If you can make it that far." He flipped me off, muttered a few choice _chingóns_ and _hijoeputas_ at me, and sank into a chair at the table, putting his forehead down on his arms. Rolling my eyes at the drama I went upstairs. I'd go back down later, but I was still aggravated about the car ride, still disgusted by how I could smell funk and dirt-cheap cologne from the Maelstrom gangoon on me, and still more than a little horny from all the groping and muttering that had gone on in the car. I was hoping the shower would settle me down, because if I ended up having to beat off by myself after all that teasing, it was going to shit on my night.

I always forget that Jackie _can_ move quietly, because he rarely does. I was in the shower, ignoring my still mostly-hard cock and willing it to go down, when suddenly a wall of hard flesh was pressing into me from behind. Big arms went around me and I almost panicked before my nose told me it was Jackie; even through the funk of Maelstrom and tequila and cigars, I could smell the familiar scent and it calmed my nerves, if not my mind. The shower stall was small enough that I was sure that water was running out into the floor; it was tight with one person, but with two, and one the size of Jackie? We were sandwiched in like strips of soybacon. He must have stripped before he even got to the door, because I could feel a hardening rod pressing into my ass and I froze for a second, not sure which direction to go. " _Tienes culo de fuego... que hermoso, que nalgón_... Lemme put it in just a little... please V. Don't you want to, _hermano_?" He slurred from lips pressed into my ear and the thought _fuck, yes!_ went through my groin at the same time as _no_ crossed my mind. I figured we could visit that question later, and whipped around, almost nose to nose in the tight space.

"Right now? No, I don't." My firm tone was probably undercut by the way my cock was rock-hard against his but I did my best.

His face was somewhere between petulant and wheedling, little smile trying to show up on a face too drunk to hold it. "C'mon, _mi corazón_... If you just knew how I felt right now..." he rubbed against me and I fought my instinct to lean into it. The bitch of it was I did want it; I wanted it a lot. In a whining voice he said "C'mon, you fucked a lot of guys already, why not me?" That settled the issue, and not in his favor. So much for being horny. Those slurred words went through me like a mantis blade and now I was fuming.

"Fuck you, asshole." His face fell almost comically, which took a little of the edge off my mad. I still half-wanted to throw him off me, but he was leaning on me as if to apologize, semi still pressed against my rod. His obvious contrition proved that he wasn't totally clueless as to how offensive his comment had been... and god knows I already knew his tendency to put his foot in his mouth all the way up to his hip, even when he was sober. I sighed. "Look, Jackie. A fuck is easy when it's just an easy fuck. But I want our first time together like that to be something nice, something special. Not just you drunk and trying to get off. Okay?" He sighed but then nodded; even slapped out of his mind on tequila, he knew that was the right answer. I suddenly realized that Jackie wasn't just leaning on me for sexy reasons, but to hold himself upright. The hot water apparently was getting him drunker by the second. "Come on, _pobrecito_ , let's get you to bed." He tried to glare at me for using the nickname his mother called him when he was sick, but his face wasn't working right. I washed him as best I could with quick efficiency, bracing him against the wall with my shoulder to get to his legs. His wet hair was out of its street-ronin topknot and trailing down the side of his head, both silly looking and desperately endearing. When I knelt to wash his calves, I looked at his semi-hard dick bobbing in my face and I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. Not a week ago I was pulling myself off nightly in this very shower dreaming he was there with me. Not quite what I had in mind then, I had to admit.

" _Lo siento_ ," he mumbled quietly, over and over. Even drunk as he was, he knew he had fucked up. His feet almost didn't work by this point and I leaned him against the wall so I could towel down first him, then myself, and threw on the t-shirt and underwear I had set on the sink. I wrapped up by quickly mopping up the water on the floor. Mama Welles would kill us both if she came home to a flooded bathroom. I had to hand it to Jackie, he had managed to take my mind completely off how horny I had been. Now all I wanted was a warm bed. I helped him back to him room, wondering as I went how he had managed this before. I'd been living here for months, and I'd never seen him like this; I couldn't remember ever seeing him this drunk in all the years I'd known him, now that I thought about it. I hoped it wasn't anything to do with me asking Padre for... I slammed the door on that. Now was not the time for nerves.

We got back to his room and I put a clean shirt and underwear on him in turn and poured him in the bed. This was the first time I'd been in here since that night a few days ago when we started... whatever we were doing. The 'Fixer' poster on the wall stared down at me with its judgey expression and I flipped it off, like I always did... I don't know what teenage-Jackie saw in that band, but that poster would have had me crawling the walls within two days. With relief, I saw the clothes he was wearing earlier piled in the floor, which meant he hadn't left them in a trail up the stairs (or worse, in the kitchen). When his hand wrapped around my arm and drew me down with him onto the bed, I wasn't strong enough to fight it. Didn't really want to. He curled himself around me like I was a teddy bear, murmuring nonsense into my ear as he drifted off. I figured I would stay long enough to let him get to sleep then jet. There wasn't much chance of me sleeping, because being with other people in the bed had always been a...

When I woke up, it was morning and the phone was ringing like a nail being driven into my skull. Padre's 'tar on the screen, decorated skull with painted roses. Dusty light filtered in from the window, but there was no way to tell what time it was; Jackie was still wrapped around me like a kid with his favorite toy, though I doubted that many little kids were pressing large boners into their Adora-Bears. The phone rolled to message before I could toggle it, but rang again immediately rather than flipping to text. Cursing, I extracted myself from my overly-affectionate human quilt and thumbed the screen. "Yeah, Padre," I answered quietly, slipping out into the hall and sliding Jackie's door shut. I wondered if he had found me a spot to rent; if so, he was the fixer of all time, to come up with something that quick.

No such luck, it turned out. "V, sorry to call so early. It seems the tequila the boys were drinking last night had been... augmented. I wanted to make sure you and Jackie got home with no problems, since he seemed very cheerful when you left." Cheerful. That was a Padre Ibarra euphemism if ever I heard one.

"No, he..." I yawned and thought back over the night, knowing I couldn't say anything about the nonstop sex attempts. "He was fine, though I did think he was a lot drunker than usual." My mind finally got enough of the sleep out of it to think clearly. "Wait... augmented with what?" Padre's sigh told me I wasn't going to like the answer.

"Chiquito was naughty, I'm afraid. He added a bit of redlight to the tequila. I've taken care of things here and Chiquito has been assigned his penance, but... just wanted to check on my favorite children of God. If all is well, sorry to bother you." Fucking redlight... great. No wonder Jackie was in the mood to fuck anything last night; at least it hadn't been blacklight so he would want to fight the world. Chiquito's nickname was (of course) a joke, one of the oldest in the book. Calling that enormous human war-mech 'Tiny' was caveman humor, but I could have flatlined all seven plus feet of him for basically giving roofies to my... input? Output? Partner? Whatever Jackie and I were, I still hoped Padre had that giant gonk cleaning toilets with his tongue for days.

"Yeah, Padre, we're OK here. Thanks for checking in." The click was quiet as he dropped conn', but my nerves wouldn't settle down. Not for the first time, I realized just how unsafe this life was. The job yesterday was one thing; sure we could have been killed doing it, but that was... that was just the sort of jobs we did. Jackie and I were a team, we were good at it, and we were good at gauging the risks. But this... what if it had been poison? What if it _had_ been blacklight, and Jackie had beat the shit out of me, thinking I was trying to fight? Or his mother? Or... 

"V, _buen' dia_." I glanced over at the very stern face of Mama Welles peering out of her room. "Perhaps we could speak in the kitchen." I felt a sinking feeling. If today was going to be like two days ago, I was going to throw it in and hide in bed all day. We got downstairs but, surprisingly, instead of starting an argument Mama showed me the steps for making _champurrado_ , how to mix the _masa_ into warm water to sit, how to grate the sugar from the little cone, and explained a bit about why each step was important. She told me more than I ever thought was possible to know about chocolate, what to use, what not to use, what brands were best, until my head was spinning. It wasn't until I was completely distracted that she hit me with "So now that you know this, perhaps you can explain to me why, despite my very clear words, you spent the night with Jackie in his room?" I looked up, shocked, into very unamused, accusatory greyish blue eyes that were harder than I ever saw Jackie's get with me. Her straight grey hair was curling in the steam from the chocolate, but she looked dangerous. This must be face she showed her patrons at El Coyote.

"I..." Words left me for a moment, but my runner's mind coughed up 'so the ambush is her preferred style'. Good to know, I guess. "We were over at Padre's last night. Jackie drank a lot, mostly tequila. One of Padre's soldiers thought it would be funny to spike the bottle with redlight; that call this morning was Padre checking on us. I got Jackie home, showered, and in bed. Nothing happened." She raised an eyebrow, face still stone cold, but I realized that the corners of her mouth kept trying to rise.

"Nothing happened? On redlight? My my, _mijo_ , you're either more strong-willed than I thought, or a much better liar." I felt annoyed, but laughed anyway. Two could play this game, I supposed. Perhaps she had forgotten I'm not as scared of her as Jackie was.

"Well, I don't know what your idea of fun is, Mama, but a falling-down-drunk partner isn't my idea of a good night," I said. She drew back like I'd slapped her, but nodded once, like a fencer acknowledging the hit. I looked at the pot, not trying to be more offensive than necessary, and went on "I'm more concerned that someone put something in the bottle and nobody said anything. I need to warn Jackie not to trust them again. If we can't trust the drinks at Padre's, he should stick to no-al like me." Now she nodded again, but this time I got a proud smile, like I'd pulled a clever trick. She tasted the mixture in the pot, sprinkled in a pinch of cayenne.

"Yes, you are correct. _Ayy, mi_ Jaquito... He drinks too much, just like his _papá_." Whoops. Maybe drunk _was_ her idea of a good time. Mama Welles stirred the _champurrado_ slowly, making the cinnamon stick swirl lazily in the thick soupy chocolate. "I probably shouldn't admit such a thing but... you two did make a very cute sight when I looked in on him when I got home. I don't think I've seen Jaquito sleep that peacefully in years. You looked like..." her mouth tightened and her eyes tensed, got a faraway look that made me suspect she was thinking of her other sons. "Anyway... _no me importa_. I'm sorry I doubted you." An apology? Well well.

I smiled, accepting the olive branch. "I'm not sure I wouldn't have had the same suspicions in your shoes, to be honest." I sniffed the air, sweet chocolate making my stomach growl. She brought out a box of fresh _bigotes y conchas, pan dulce_ from the _panadería_ down the street; the freshness told me how late it must have been when she got home. These were from this morning's baking, not last night. "These are fresh. Mama, you should sleep more. It's not good for you not to get any rest." She laughed, and I could see how tired she was, but she waved me off.

"There is time to sleep in the grave, _mijo_ ," but she put her hand on my face and smiled. "Thank you, though." I heard Jackie's heavy steps in the upstairs hall and knew he would be down soon. "And V... thank you for caring about him. For him." Her eyes were suspiciously wet, and I knew mine would be too if I didn't jet. Instead I nodded, gave her a brief hug, and took my mug of chocolate out to the couch. I wondered how much of the previous night Jackie would remember. He came down the steps slowly and gave me the most sheepish look imaginable. Huh, I thought. Apparently a lot of it.

"I... V. Hi... I mean, uh... good morning." I got a grimace that I figured was supposed to be a smile. No kiss on the cheek this morning, I noticed. I thought about dragging it out, and the grin that put on my face made him look at me suspiciously, but I waited until he had his _champurrado_ and a piece of _pan dulce_ to fill him in that I wasn't mad and that Padre had called about the tequila. As expected, he was furious. "That fucking _cabrón_ spiked it? With redlight? I'll fuckin' kill him."

I nodded. "Yeah, Padre said he already assigned him 'penance', whatever that means, but I think Chiquito and I are going to have a little chat anyway. That was a dirty trick, and what the fuck did he think was gonna happen with a bunch of heavily-armed gonks sitting around getting horny by themselves? Either a circle-jerk, a shootout, maybe both... he was endangering the whole team. I'm surprised the old man didn't have him zeroed on general principle." Jackie looked a little bit stunned; I expected that, like the original perp, he hadn't thought that far ahead, as to what a group of distracted, horny soldiers could mean for Padre's security. I wondered if maybe that was what Chiquito had in mind all along... unless it was the circle jerk he wanted. I didn't think he liked men, but...

"Fuck, you're right, _hermano_... that could have been dangerous. I didn't even think." He flushed, looking around, twiddling a piece of _concha_ in his hands. "Uh... about last night..." I shook my head firmly.

"Nope. No need to worry about it, it's chill. We _are_ chill, right?" I asked, and took comfort in how quickly he nodded. "Preem." The rest of the morning was chill, just a lingering sense of awkwardness that eventually dissipated like a bad smell. It was a good day, slow and calm and the best cure for stress. We hung out in his garage so he could tinker with his bike, went to the range like we had planned before Padre sidetracked us, grabbed our favorite dinner at PieZ, and went home well after Mama was gone to the bar. When we came in, I looked over at him. "Hey J... wanna know what's funny?"

"What's funny, V?" Jackie asked, flopping down on the couch. He was giving me a look of slight puzzlement, like he was distracted, but I figured it was from my question. I flopped down next to him and grinned.

"What's funny is..." I said softly, leaning into him. "Less than a week ago, I was sitting on this very same couch with you, talking, scared out of my fucking mind. I was worried I was fucking something up that meant a lot to me. But the way it worked out..." I leaned over and kissed him, soft at first and then harder. His hand came up to cup the back of my head until we were both out of breath, settling back but still close. "... I feel like I won the fucking lottery." He grinned back at me, but there was a shadow in his eyes, like a confusion, that made me fight my own fear. I knew I was probably being paranoid, but I never trusted good things. Bad things? Sure, tons of those, knew exactly how to act. But when things went exactly the way I wanted... I got a little crazy, waiting for them to fuck up. The longer Jackie sat quiet, the more worried I got. Bracing myself, I poked my fear in the eye. "Jack? What are you thinking?"

"Huh." He sat for a minute after that, hopefully unaware that I was eating myself up inside. God knows how I always managed to go from over-the-moon happy to an anxious wreck in less than a minute, but hey... it was a gift, I guess. "I gotta say, V... it's weird." Looking over at me, his eyes got big; I could only imagine what my face must have looked like. "Nonono, _hermano_ , not bad weird. Good weird." I started breathing again and he poked me with one huge finger, grinning at me. "What a fuckin' ball of nerves you are, to be such a chill choom on a job. No, what I meant was, it's weird how different it is being with you than with a _chica_. The girls I've dated... they expect me to act a certain way, do things a certain way, and it's always sorta..." he broke off, shrugging, pulling me close when the look on my face showed that I probably wasn't understanding him. "With you, you're still my best friend, you're just... more. You're my brother, you're my choom, you're my partner, you're my output..." I laughed at this in spite of myself and leaned in next to his ear, moving my lips above the big gold cross, reveling in the way he shivered at my breath.

"I'm gonna be your input too, when we get around to that, just so you know," I whispered and his eyes got real surprised-looking but he gave me a tentative smile. "And I don't think you can compare me to someone you dated because we ain't been on a single date. Going to the range, chilling at Padre's and blowing up casinos don't count." I said, seeing his mouth open before he grinned again, this time the thousand-watt Jackie Welles special that made everyone fall for him.

"I just took you to PieZ! Even got your favorite, strawberry!" He looked so proud of himself. "When we make it big, I'll take you to the Afterlife every night, we'll eat at Embers, we can..." I cut him off right there.

"Oh I see... you're taking me to Embers someday, but yet I just had to pay for my own meal at PieZ, asshole!" He laughed like a little kid, and affection almost choked me. This, this right here, I thought. I grinned back at him, but he stood up all of a sudden, leaving me fighting not to fall over.

"I see how it is," he said, looking down at me, then held out his hand, like I was going to shake it. "Okay, _bueno_. Let's go out. I'll take you somewhere nice... Tomorrow night." He grimaced, and I wondered why.

"Tomorrow it is, and I can't wait." Grabbing his hand and pulling him back down to the couch, I asked "But why the face?" He laughed but looked embarrassed.

"My dick is... uh... it's still, um, tired from the redlight." I started laughing and couldn't stop, no matter how much he said "It's not fuckin' funny!" and shoved at me. I knew redlight was like that... you could fuck all night for one night, then nothing worked for a bit. Long time users couldn't get it up at all without medical help. It just burned those circuits out after a while, yet another reason I owed Chiquito a broken kneecap. If something happened to Jackie's cock I would murder anyone responsible.

"It's cool," I said, feigning nonchalance. "Your mom told me we weren't allowed to have sex in the house anyway." It was his turn to laugh now.

"You... seriously? You believed that? What did she really say?" He was cracking up and I was vaguely uncomfortable, feeling a sneaking suspicion like I'd been played. " _Madre de Dios_ , if you only knew the number of girls my brothers fucked in this house..." he said. I noticed he didn't include himself in that list.

"She said that we weren't supposed to have any scandalous displays like the chocolate thing, espec... wait. Especially in the public areas. Right. Got it. Then she said 'properly' there wouldn't be any sex in the house at all. I took that... just the way she wanted me to. Goddamn. Played by Mama Welles." He was cracking up, practically crying he was laughing so hard. "Dude, your mom should be in charge of a big corp or the whole world or something. Her skills are wasted running El Coyote." That made me have an idea. "Since I know what she meant now... why don't you go upstairs and take a shower. Meet me in my room."

"Uh, V..." Jackie was grimacing again, gesturing at his crotch. I just nodded.

"Trust me." Maybe I was a little bit of an asshole, but I figured he wouldn't argue with that. Sure enough he just looked at me for a moment then trudged over to the stairs. I went upstairs and put down a towel across the bed, just in case, and changed into my sleep gear. When Jackie came in wearing a t-shirt and underwear I smiled as seductively as I knew how. He came over and sighed, still looking a bit low.

"I guess..." he mumbled, "I guess I owe you one after all that shit last night. I can..." he reached down to my crotch but I pushed his hands away.

"Hang on, you don't know the plan." I smiled again. "You know I like to have plans." He laughed, back on familiar ground since this was a running joke between us. "Take off your clothes and lie face down on the bed." He got a very funny look, making the exact assumption I figured he would. Mama Welles wasn't the only one who could manipulate expectations. I knew I should probably feel like an asshole for doing this, but after the frustration he put me through in the car, I figured it was a fair payback.

"Uh... _hermano_... I'm not saying no, I just..." I started taking my pants off, making a big show of it. I was an asshole, I knew, but I figured the payoff would be worth it to him. "Um..." his voice was decidedly higher pitched now. I slid my underwear down and my cock swung out, bobbing along almost fully hard and I could see Jackie tense from where I was standing. I sauntered slowly over to the bed, cock swaying side to side as I moved. His eyes were fixed on it like it was a snake coming to bite him.

"Move up a little," I said, nudging him towards the pillows. He did so, still painfully tense but following orders like a trooper. "Good boy," I whispered, leaning over and blowing air along the crack of his ass. He almost kicked me as his legs tensed up. "Don't worry," I murmured, figuring I would finally put him out of his misery. "Relax. This is for you, not for me." I figured that was at least half a lie, but a lie he could believe. I'd been dreaming of this for... well, a long time. With that I leaned forward and bit the asscheek on the right, making him jerk in surprise, then ran my tongue up the seam of his ass, tasting soap and Jackie.

"Ohhhhh," he said softly, jerking again. I ran my hands up his legs and cupped his round cheeks in my palms, sliding them open and pressed my lips to the base of his spine. " _Ayyy Dios_..." he whimpered. "V, what are you..." I kissed my way down, rubbing my nose along the trail. Finally my tongue slid out and landed directly on his hole, and he gave a shriek like I had stabbed him. "Ohhhhh my God, V... holy shit..." He had depilated recently so there was barely a trace of hair, nothing to interfere with full contact between my tongue and firm, bare flesh. In just a second more I was face down between his cheeks, eating his ass like a starving man at a banquet, and he was sobbing into my pillow. I could die from this, came the sudden thought. This might just be the high point of my life, right here. When I got my own place, I knew I wanted a mirror near the bed, because I would have given anything to see Jackie's face when my tongue was in his ass. The muscles in it started to relax and he started to open up to me, letting me go deeper, stabbing in and then swirling around, making him bunch his fists in the covers. His howls had softened to whines and broken whimpers and the sounds he was making were driving me insane. I knew that my cock was drooling onto the towel under us, and if anything touched it... well, playtime would be done, at least for me. I reached out and grabbed Jackie's feet, flipping him over without warning. He was a debauched mess, totally wrecked, flushed from his navel all the way up to his hairline, and his face... dear God, his face, eyes rolled back, lips bitten and red. I raised his legs up with my hands and forced my face back into his ass just to hear him sobbing with pleasure again. His cock was still soft, thanks to the redlight, but I knew he would have probably come twice by now if he had been himself. Soft as it was, pre-come was still drooling out of it like a faucet. "P-please, V... oh God, please... _please_..." I don't know what he was begging for but the sound of him begging at all went through me like black ICE. Even though I was supposedly in control here, he had me twelve kinds of fucked up with only his voice.

"Jackie..." I sounded like a Maelstrom gangoon, my voice was so rough. "I was gonna finger you until you came without your cock being touched but... if I put anything in your ass right now except my tongue, it's gonna be my cock before I'm done, and we aren't there yet." He whimpered brokenly and I couldn't keep talking; I dove back in, licking and nibbling at his ring until he was practically screaming. After what felt like only a minute to me but probably felt like an hour to Jackie, as overwhelmed as he was, I pulled back again. "If you... if you wanna tap out... just say so, Jackie. I could do this for... I don't think I'd ever get tired of eating this ass." He moaned and I went back to it. It seemed we were in agreement. After another ten minutes or so, he had stopped making noise almost completely, lying as limp as if he were dead, so blissed out and panting that I probably could have fucked him without him even raising an eyebrow. My original plan was to get off by sliding my cock along his now sopping-wet asscrack, but I was so worked up by this point I knew better than to get that close if I wasn't going to finish the job. My cock had a mind of its own when it came to things it wanted. "Doing okay?" I asked him, only to be pinned by gorgeous grey-blue eyes, half-lidded and blissed out. He stretched, muscles rippling and flexing, and reached out with one thick hand, cupping my cheek.

"Mmhmm," he murmured, sounding as wrecked as he looked.

"Can I..." I asked incoherently, waving at his chest and my cock and he nodded, grinning up at me with a sex-stoned look. Fuck, if he looked like this after just being rimmed, I couldn't imagine how he'd look once I'd actually fucked him. That thought was the final straw... I straddled his hips, stroking my cock once, twice, and shot a load the size of three normal ones across his chest and all the way up to his face. He licked his lips, tasting the come on them, then flopped one finger down into it, licking it clean and whimpering. I was on him like a dog on fresh meat, licking up my own spend off him and kissing him, feeling him lick the taste out of my mouth. He was moaning, I was moaning, and we finally rolled up, sticky and messy and sated, into a heap on the bed. After what was probably fifteen minutes or so but felt like an eternity, I fought my way up off the bed to go get a washcloth and clean us up. He whimpered, still unable to form words. Once we were cleaned up, I leaned into his ear "Put your sleep clothes on." He hummed and shook his head. "Your mother doesn't want to see you naked. You know that she checks..." with a grunt and a whine, he flopped over and threw on his t-shirt and underwear and fell back in the bed with a sigh. I don't think he even opened his eyes. Mission accomplished. Flashback images of him writhing on my tongue kept shooting through me, making my cock jump even though it was as sated as the rest of me. What a night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so... I wanted this to be the big scene everyone's been waiting for but the boys had other ideas. They just had so many feels, you know? I promise, we're getting there. V is needy, Jackie is, well, Jackie, and I'm sorry these boys are a bit broken. They're trying, and so am I.
> 
> Your kudos and comments are very welcome :)

I couldn't remember a single morning of my life where I had woken up any happier than the day after I formally met Jackie's ass. My tongue was sore as fuck in my mouth and even that made me happy. The man himself was sacked out behind me, face calm and showing no trace of anything but sleep, and I had slept like a baby with no dreams, always a blessing given the shit I've seen. After being up for a few minutes I realized just how late it was; Mama Welles had uncharacteristically let us sleep. I wandered down the steps into the smell of eggs and beans, stomach already growling. When I went into the kitchen, though, I was surprised. No Mama... just a pot of _frijoles rojos_ left warming on the stove and a note on the table saying that she had gone to run errands for the bar and to call if we needed her. Preem. I figured she would have something to say about seeing us in bed together for the second night in a row and I didn't want to get any shit on this best mood. No sooner had I cracked some eggs into the pan for myself than I heard stirring upstairs, so I set some out for Jackie as well.

Instead of the smiling, happy Jackie I expected after last night, the man who came down the stairs was clearly disturbed. Walking a little stiffly too, which would have made me feel good if he'd been happier. "Good morning," I said cautiously, and he replied with the same, even a kiss on the cheek, but he just sat staring into space. Of course, this was enough to send my mind in a million directions, none of them good. I dished up some beans, threw some tortillas in the _calentador_ and heated them in the micro, scrambled his eggs and brought him a plate.

"Thanks," was all I got. He just sat and stared off into space as he ate, packing the food in like a machine. My food suddenly didn't have any taste.

"You okay, Jackie?" I caught myself shredding a leftover piece of tortilla into smaller and smaller pieces, something he would have made fun of me for if he'd seen it. He wasn't seeing me, though; his gaze was a thousand miles away. One thing I knew about Jackie Welles early on; he was shit at hiding his emotions. I just hoped it wasn't me. My mind was spinning, of course, coming up with all sorts of scenarios, each crazier than the last. He was going to dump me, he was mad at me, he had suddenly realized he didn't like men at all... Round and round. I was usually a lot better at controlling my tendency to dream up problems for myself, but this was the first time I'd been dating anyone for real, dating where I really cared about the other person, and I had no idea what I was doing. All of a sudden I had something I was afraid to lose... and I'd lost so much already. "Jackie?"

"Huh?" he blinked, looking over at me, gave me a pale imitation of his smile. "Yeah, _'mano_ , I'm fine. Just... got a lot on my mind this morning." He took a big bite of food as if to prove the point, then went back to staring at his plate.

"Food not what you wanted?" I asked, desperate to get something, anything, out of him. I knew I was acting childishly right now, but it was like there was a screaming voice in my head demanding reassurance. I had to make a decision about what to do; listen to the urges of my own craziness, or find something else. I chose something else, figuring that it was safer than staying here and making myself spin out. "Hey... can I use the car for an hour or so?"

"What?" He blinked at me again, like he hadn't heard a word I'd said. " _La comida está bien_ , it's... uh... sure? Take the car, yeah, no problem." He passed me the keys after he dug them out of his pocket. I started to ask if he was going to be alright here by himself and bit my tongue before it could fuck me over like that. I had to trust him. I was going to go and get a haircut for our date tonight, I was going to be a sane person, I was not going to listen to my brain telling me that the world was ending, and it was all going to be fine.

It wasn't fine. I went to the barbershop and shot the shit with Manolito, got my fade recut, and from what I saw in the mirror I looked chill as fuck, lines and edges tight, brows threaded and crisp, only thing showing I wasn't still a hot-shit corpo-rat was the clothes. We talked shit the whole time I was there, laughing, and I was fucking dying inside. I hadn't felt this stressed since I was at Arasaka working for Jenkins, and I hadn't missed it. The only upside was that the scenarios playing in my head had gotten so ridiculous that they weren't even believable to me by this point... I was going to get home and Jackie would have moved away (from his mom's house? And with what car?) He was just playing a game on me, pretending to be interested (after last night, I'd say he was pretending pretty hard). I just couldn't figure out what we... let's be real, what I had done that might have caused this reaction.

When I pulled up at the house, I felt like my stomach was full of snakes, but I went inside. Jackie was upstairs in his room. I almost didn't join him but knocked because... well, because. "Yeah," he said... good enough. I walked in. He looked up. "Damn, _'mano_ , you look _gooood_." He grinned, one of those lazy grins that lit me up always. "Streamin' a fresh cut for our date?" I felt the stress leaving me like a popped balloon. I almost felt angry at the relief.

"You feel better? You seemed pretty out of whack this morning." My mouth drove off and left me, it seemed. I set his keys on the desk. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face.

"Yeah, it's... V, I woulda said something but, I don't know. It's weird." Weird seemed to be the word when it came to us. Not the one I would have preferred, but hey. "I guess... I mean, I promised..."

"Promised?" Now I was as confused as he looked. The jittery feeling of stress leaving my body was leaving me feeling odd and twitchy, so I sat down on the bed next to him.

"Yeah," he dragged out, sheepish look back on his face. "I, uh... I promised _la Virgen_ the other night that I would always tell you what I was feelin' so... I guess I should. I just... words are hard for this shit, you know?" I barely heard the second part because I was still stuck on the promise. If that statue downstairs made Jackie promise to tell me what he was feeling, I wanted to go down there and plant a kiss right in the middle of the grinning red skull. I owed Mama Welles big, even though the cynical part of my mind figured she just wanted to make sure he would dump me as soon as possible and was trying to get him to tell me so. Still, the prospect of not having to wonder about what was going on in his head was a hell of a gift. I had enough fucking problems trying to figure out what went on in my _own_ head; one mystery at a time.

"I promised something too, that I would always do everything in my power to keep you safe," I said, bumping him with my shoulder. "So don't think you were the only one making promises." He looked a little put out by that, but nodded slowly, like he was taking it in.

"That's... wow, V. Okay." We sat for a bit, each chewing on our thoughts, and I waited for him to get himself together. I still wanted an explanation, though. "I guess... last night was kind of... a lot. I've never felt anything like that. It was, shit I don't know what to call it. It was beyond good, I didn't think I could feel like that, but it... don't laugh?" He looked at me like a nervous kid. I crossed my heart like another kid would, because... because it's what you do, right? He laughed for a second then looked down. "It felt like you made me into a woman, V. You could have done anything. I'm used to being the one in control, the one driving, you know, the input, and... I thought when you came to bed, you were coming over to fuck me." He said the last bit in a rush, like he wanted to get it out. I remembered laughing the night before about how he was making assumptions, but from here I realized it was an asshole thing to do. I also felt stupid; of course this was a crisis of _machismo_ , what else would it be? "I was scared but... I thought, okay. I'll give him that. I can be tough enough to take it and let him have fun, no matter how... how much it hurts." Shit, I was laughing it up and he thought I was going to _hurt_ him? Now I felt like a total bag of shit. He shook his head slowly. "But... V, what you did... I never imagined anything could feel like that. You had me so twisted around, I _wanted_ you to fuck me. I wanted you inside me, I was hoping for it, and I never even thought I could..." I leaned over and hugged him with one arm, pulling him tight to me. He looked over at me, face written over with concern, and I fought the urge to just kiss him better.

"Okay, Jackie, hold up, let's pick this apart a little bit." I left my arm over his shoulders and dragged him close, and he lit up with a tiny grin which warmed me down to my toes. "First off, I didn't 'make you into a woman', whatever the fuck that means. Men can feel pleasure too, you don't have to always be the one doing the doing, if you know what I'm saying." From the confused look on his face, I could tell this was going to be a frequently repeated conversation for a while (if we stuck together, my treacherous mind whispered). Stubborn ass Jackie and his ideas about what it meant to 'be a man', Jesus. "Second, I will make you a promise right here and now, okay? I'm never going to do anything to intentionally hurt you, and certainly not anything one-sided and by surprise like that would have been last night. All you ever have to do is say no to anything and it's cool, alright? I mean, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to fuck you, but like I told you, we aren't there yet. Trust and believe, I wanted to. Bad." I grinned at him and he smiled back, a bit of a faded smile, but a smile nonetheless. "... but also trust and believe that I'm not going to just stick it in you with no warning, and that's especially true for the first time. If you're not having at least as much fun as me in whatever we're doing, I'm not doing it right." His smile slipped a little bit, and I sighed and asked "What?"

"That's... that's what I mean, right there. That's the kind of thing I would tell a _chica_ when she was havin' second thoughts." This was a conversation I wasn't really equipped to have, because I wasn't raised in the _nochero_ culture like Jackie was. My parents were from everywhere and nowhere; my father was whoever the fuck, gone before I arrived, my mother was a junkie who lost me to a state school at 7. I might have looked like I fit in down here but I didn't really have a culture of my own like this, so I didn't know how to explain what I was thinking. Still, if it had him fucked up I needed to at least try. No way forward but forward, I guessed.

"Okay, let's try this a different way. Am I a man?" I asked him, leaning back. He gave me a baffled look.

"Of course," he said, in a tone of voice that implied I was crazy.

"Why?" He stopped, staring at me. His face was a perfect mask of confusion. "Because I'm tough, because I step around chill with a swag, because I don't take shit off anyone?" He nodded, awareness maybe starting to dawn behind those gorgeous eyes. "So if I let you fuck me, curled up around you and told you how good your cock felt in me, would that make me less of a man?" He grinned but finally shook his head, I suspected more out of his own best interests than from necessarily believing what he was saying. Still, it was a start, and I could repeat it until it sunk in, however long that took. "Okay, good. Now if you made me feel so good I couldn't think any more, to where the only color I could see was white and I couldn't even talk..." he was blushing now, obviously thinking about last night, and I'd be lying if I said that didn't turn me on a little bit, "would _that_ make me less of a man?"

"No," he murmured. "No, I guess not."

"So why would it make you less of one?" I asked. He grinned bashfully and ducked his head. "Jackie, let me be real upfront with you. I'm not trying to turn you into anything you're not; I like you just the way you are. I like it a lot. The only thing I want to do to you is make you feel as good as I can for as long as I can. I want last night to set the bar, and every time we mess around, I want to try for it to be even better. Get me?" His eyes were glowing a little now; looked like I wasn't the only one getting a little turned on. He nodded and sat back, visibly more relaxed. "Now... let me go one step further, since we're talking about this shit," I figured I might as well get it all out there. "Everybody's different in what they like, what they don't, what they do and with who. Some dudes are input-only, and if they output at all, it's for special people. Some are the other way round. Some don't like either side of it. Some people like to suck cock as easy as saying hello, others treat it as special. You tell me what you like as we find it, and it's all cool with me. I'm not here to do anything specific other than be with Jackie Welles. That part, I'm real fond of already." He gave me a look that... Jesus, I never dreamed I'd be with anyone who ever looked at me like that. Fighting down my emotions, I went on. "Me, I tend to be like that first type. I was glad to throw my cock to whoever when I was single, but I don't give my ass to anybody much." Before his brows made it all the way down, I continued "... That being said, that doesn't apply to you. You aren't just some random choomba to me. You got a preem cock and I'm looking forward to good times with it. My ass is yours whenever and however you want it, if you want it. So don't sweat that, okay?" He looked about ready to jump my bones right there and I was running out of room in my pants for sure.

He laughed, and I raised an eyebrow at him. He said "This is one of those times that is weird... this isn't a conversation I ever had with a _chica, de cierto_." He took a deep breath while I snickered at that comment. "I like everything we've done, I mean... you know that, but hey, I'll say it. I didn't think I would like some of it, but..." he shrugged. "I do. It's good, _'mano_ , it's real good. I don't think I got to worry about what I want to do with who, because I'm not planning on doing any of this with anybody but you. It's just... sometimes it fucks with my head, you know?" The thought of Jackie having any sort of sex with another guy went through me like a line of fire, leaving fury in its wake, before the rest of the sentence even processed. Once it did, I just thought to myself, dude, you got it _bad_. Not that I didn't know that already, but Jesus.

"I understand about fucking with your head, Jackie; remember, I'm the ball of nerves here," I laughed. Might as well laugh, I figured. Didn't make it any less true, but at least I could laugh at myself for flipping out. "One more thing. I'm sorry for making you think I was going to do more than I was last night. It seemed cute at the time but looking back, I'm sorry to make it..." He cut me off.

"I don't want to hear one 'sorry' about last night, _mi corazón_ ," he said in a no-nonsense voice that pulled at my cock in my pants. "Last night was fuckin' amazing." He looked over at me with burning eyes that made me feel like I was falling, even though I was sitting on his bed. "And if we do something better than that... you're gonna be with Jackie Welles a long time, _hermano_. Because I..." he stopped, looking away, and I saw him closing down, pulling back in front of my eyes. Guess that discussion was done for now. "But hey, wear your suit tonight, okay? I found a hot spot, buddy of mine hit me with a rec. Said it was the shit, little place called El Camaleón Azul run by three little _abuelitas_ from Oaxaca. We got rez at 6. I know it's early but..."

"Jackie... you got reservations at a restaurant that takes them for the very next day? Padre is going to shut you down when he hears you've turned into a fixer yourself now." His belly laugh warmed my insides. Clearly he had had enough talking for one morning (well, early afternoon), so the rest of the day was sitting around watching stupid shows and getting ready to go out. We rolled out in the afternoon, him in a nice suit I didn't remember seeing before and me wearing one of my old Arasaka suits, remembering being the sort of person that wore clothes like that all the time. 

When we got to the restaurant, a trendy spot in the city centre whose only signage was a stylized neon-blue lizard, there was valet parking. Jackie got out and opened the door for me, and I felt a sinking feeling immediately; the valet was a chromed out wanna-be bouncer who was looking at Jack like he was trash. I could see why... this was clearly an upscale place for corporate clients, not somewhere that would normally welcome a street-rat like Jackie Welles, no matter how nice his suit. Still, this was a problem I knew how to solve. I pulled my memories of corplife back and put on a cold face that would have scared the shit out of my directs back in Counter-Intel. Turning to the valet, I tried my best to ice over every bit of metal in his body with my voice. "Is there a problem?" I was impressed with myself, to be honest; I didn't think I had that much condescension left in me. The valet didn't know what to think, but my expression had suddenly triggered every "oh shit" button in his tiny little brain. Jackie had been completely forgotten, as I intended. I figured I could still kick up the panic a few notches. "What's your name?" Never a safe question to hear from a suit, especially when you were some no-name valet. I scanned his tag along with his bio-sig. "Uh... Armando. Make yourself useful and do your job. We will send word when we would like to have the car ready." I flicked my eyes up and down him disdainfully. "Dismissed." The giant gonk gave me a half bow, not knowing quite sure what to do but suspecting I was more trouble than he was ready for and not daring to give Jackie's beat up old car a dismissive glance in front of me. Turning around, I saw Jackie looking at me like he didn't know whether to laugh or be mad, but I swept past him and he fell in behind me like a bodyguard. "Step up, Jackie. Beside me, if you please," I said, really putting on a show, only my eyes showing that I was laughing myself silly inside. He got the joke when he saw my face, nodded, and stepped up to my elbow, corners of his mouth tight to keep from grinning.

We went in and sat down at a table in a nice location, one they had clearly calibrated to my apparent importance based on my asshole behavior outside; I didn't doubt the whole encounter was on cam. If this place was owned by three _abuelitas_ , then I was a Basilisk gunner; it was flash, designed specifically for high-end corp tastes. The decor was gorgeous, fresh plants set out to make it look like a jungle inside, colorful Oaxacan fabrics and ceramics everywhere. Each table was a custom build, made of unique woods and no two were the same exact shape. The staff was impeccably trained, the food was both gorgeously plated and delicious, mostly fresh real seafood and greenhouse fruits, and it reminded me of the sort of places I used to eat at all over the world, back when I had an Arasaka expense account. I couldn't have been more miserable. For one thing, Jackie was as out of place in that environment as a warbot in a street market. He was uncomfortable so he was tense and clumsy, voice too loud as he tried to make up for feeling out of his element. The foods were unfamiliar to him, being from not only the other end of Mexico from anything he knew but also featuring ingredients most people in Heywood couldn't afford. His attempts to flirt with the waitress in Spanish set my teeth on edge, both for the sheer social inappropriateness of it in a place like this and for her dismissive responses (it didn't help that she was stunningly gorgeous). To be honest, if she had responded positively it would have been worse, so I guess I got the better end of it, but still... He paid the bill without even looking at it and I winced internally at the stupid pile of eddies he must have dropped for this meal.

After I sneered at the valet one last time and gave him a tip of five miserable eddies just for the public shaming of it all, we drove off into the city. By now it was evening and the light was that dusty glow that merges with the neon signs to make the city look so lovely. Jackie was quiet, face stoic and miserable looking. By impulse I said "Let's not go home quite yet. Let's drive up into the hills, find a spot to look at the city." He nodded, but didn't say anything; he would barely glance over at me. My heart ached for him, but I wasn't sure what to say. I toyed briefly with a vengeful fantasy of burning down the restaurant, but that wouldn't help; it wasn't their fault. Not anyone's fault, really, unless maybe you could blame Jackie's friend who recommended a totally inappropriate place for a date.

Jackie found a spot and we parked and got out. Dusk had fallen while we drove, and the city was wrapped in an edge of darkness but the lights shone up into the sky. It looked beautiful from here, in a cold sort of way; no sign of the filth and the traffic, the garbage and packed in people that made it up, just colored lights and movement from the cars on the road. "I'm sorry," he said finally, heavily, like he'd done something bad.

"Why?" I asked. "It was fine. The food was delicious. I really liked..."

"It was a disaster." He sounded angry, but I knew it was just hurt. "I don't belong in places like that, _ya lo sé_. You do, though... you were flash as fuck. You looked like you ran the place. Maybe you should be with someone better than me, somebody that..." I whirled on him from where we were leaning on the car, putting one hand on his shoulder to interrupt.

"Now listen to me, Jackie Welles, because I'm only gonna say this once." He stared at me in shock. "There is no-one better than you in this whole motherfucking city in front of us. That's enough of that shit." He scoffed but his eyes lightened up a bit. "It wasn't the right place. That happens. I'm just sorry everyone acted so trash to us; that's why I'm glad I'm not in that shit any more. I didn't like who they were, and I didn't like who I was when I was in that world. I'd rather go to to a street stall with Jackie Welles than I would dine in a palace with Saburo Arasaka himself. You fuckin' gonk," I laughed, leaning over and pressing my forehead against his.

"I just..." he sighed, wide mouth hardening. "I just wanted to do somethin' nice. I wanted to take you somewhere good, show you how I'd like to treat you. If it was up to me, I'd buy you that whole restaurant. One day, we're gonna hit the big leagues, you and me, and we can go..." I nodded along until I could slip in for a kiss. He flinched, I suspected from how we were out in the open, then leaned forward almost shyly and kissed me back. I explored his lips in a leisurely fashion before leaning back against the car.

"I know that. I want that too, because you want it. But I'll tell you a secret." I grinned at him. "I have the thing I want most already." His look of confusion morphed into one of understanding and wonder as I snorted in amusement. I promised myself for what felt like the thousandth time, I would convince him of his own worth if it was the last thing I did. "Let's go home, handsome." He scoffed again but we got in the car, headed back into the city. I looked over at him, admiring his profile while he drove, his heavy, competent hands. Whether he felt out of place or not, one thing was clear; he looked beyond good in a suit. "I was about ready to kill that waitress."

"I just did that to see if I could get you to react," he said matter-of-factly, as if it was perfectly normal. I cut my eyes over at him and saw him grinning from ear to ear. "Worked, too. You were sitting over there _tirando fuego de los ojos_. I was surprised she didn't die."

"I'm gonna show you fire from your eyes in a minute," I grumbled. "I'd short your 'wares out if you weren't driving." Of course, at that moment the fucking phone rang. I looked down, saw the decorated skull and muttered "Fuck." Jackie looked over as I answered. "Yeah, Padre."

"V, good evening. We have a bit of a situation here, could you and Jackie swing by?" Ibarra sounded calm but hell, he always sounded calm. What I didn't hear was bangs, screaming, or anything to indicate that his situation couldn't wait. I was on a fucking date, damn it.

"Oh... okay. Any chance we can swing by tomorrow? We're kind of... in the middle of a situation ourselves." I raised my eyebrows at Jackie, ignoring his 'what the fuck' look.

"Of course, of course. I will see you tomorrow. Go with God." The old man hung up and I grinned over at Jackie, exhilarated at not having to go to Padre's in my suit (and possibly have to fuck up Chiquito, depending). Jackie's face said he wasn't so sure.

"You told him we were busy? V..." Jackie shook his head, looking concerned, and honestly I got a little aggravated.

"Yeah, because we are. Given a choice between Padre and you, it's you, Jackie. You come first. You always come first. And we're on a fuckin' date." He looked over and he was... oh no. No, no, no. If Jackie Welles was going to get misty-eyed at me I wasn't going to be able to hold myself together.

"Damn, V." Even his voice sounded a little choked. "I... I don't know what to say. You say shit like that like it's... like it's nothing. You make me feel so... I don't know what." His voice sank to a whisper. "Like I'm special." We stopped at an intersection and he looked down at the steering wheel, face a mass of conflicting emotions.

"You _are_ special." Fuck, now my voice sounded froggy too. "Look, Jack... I've had a shitty life. You know about most of it, been there for a lot of the bad parts, even. I know yours hasn't been any garden of roses either. But... this thing we've got going on, it's the first thing I've found in a long time that made me feel good, made me feel hopeful, like there was more to life to wish for than a few more stacks of eddies and a few more kills on my balance sheet somewhere until I end up on a slab. That's all we are to people like Padre and Wakako, just tools to the hand, a way to get shit done. If we were gone tomorrow, we'd be replaced by the next morning. No disrespect to Padre, he's been a stand-up choom as far as he can... but blood and money is all he's got to offer, J. I look at you and I see a fuck of a lot more than any fixer in NC can ever offer me, even if I ended up King of the Afterlife with Rogue Amendiares suckin' my dick and Morgan Blackhand offering to wash my car. I still choose you, Jackie. Over everything, anything. Always you." I felt like I was saying way too much, saying this shit way too fast, and I hadn't ever expected to lay out my heart in the middle of Carlito street at a traffic light. But I guess sometimes the heart just grabs the mouth and drives off and all we can do is try to keep up. I got done and looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes and see that I had fucked everything up. The light changed and the car lurched forward like Jackie stomped on the gas, then I heard him cursing.

"Sorry," he muttered. "Tryin' to drive, over here." I looked over and tears were running down his cheeks. "Got me all emotional. Just ready to get home."

"I'm sorry Jackie, I didn't mean to..." I didn't even know how to finish that sentence, but he waved me off.

"Stop apologizing. That's... we can talk when we get home. I'm just... that's the only time anyone ever..." He sniffled, loudly, angrily, and shook his head like he was offended at the fact he was crying. Knowing Jackie, he probably was. "Fuck. Let's just get home and go to bed. _Estoy inundado con esta noche_." We pulled into the driveway and I was trying to hold it together; looked like he was too. When we got inside, we were both shocked to see Mama Welles sitting at the table, looking through papers; it must have been her night off.

She looked up and smiled. "Look at you boys, _dos guapos en serio_..." She stood up and went to hug Jackie, accepted his kiss on her cheek as her due. "Been out for a nice evening?"

"Yeah, _mamá_ , we... yeah," Jackie mumbled. "Going to go change. Feeling kind of tired." I felt devastated, like he had run off and left me already before he looked over at me. "V, you comin'?"

"I... yeah. Sure." I shrugged at Mama Welles, who was looking from one of us to the other and back, knowing she was missing something but not sure what yet. I kissed her cheek as well. "Good night, Mama." She sighed and shook her head in apparent exasperation, but went and sat back down as we made our way upstairs. "I guess... I'll change out of this. Should I..."

"Come find me when you're changed," was all he said, darting into his room and shutting the door. I went and took off my elegant suit, wanting to wad it up and set fire to it. I knew I had fucked it all up. Why couldn't I just be normal, why did I have to run my mouth, why... A childish part of me wanted to wreck my room, just to work out the frustration of knowing that I had ruined everything, possibly irreparably, and that I couldn't fix it. I put on my sweats and t-shirt with a sense of dread and felt my stomach cramp around the _tamales oaxaqueños_ I had eaten for dinner, _mole negro_ sauce burning like acid in my throat. I went out like a man walking to his own execution and knocked at his door, then went in. Jackie was waiting for me in his sleep clothes, looking at me like... wow. Like I had hung the moon and stars in the sky. Not for the first time, I realized I was letting my crazy run my show for me. He opened his arms from the bed and I walked over, sat down, then folded myself into him. The smell of Jackie rose up around me like comfort and I felt my heart give a little lurch in my chest.

"V..." he murmured, after that first magical hug. "I... I wanna say something, and I want you to just... let me finish, okay?" I nodded, and he took a deep breath. "I'm gonna start with this. I suck at talkin' about emotions and shit. If it wasn't that I promised..." We both laughed a little at that, but he went on. "It's true, we both know it. So just... just be patient. With me." I nodded again and almost said something before realizing that I had literally just told him I would let him finish without interruption. We sat for a few seconds while he presumably sorted out his thoughts. He turned on the bed to where he was looking me right in the eye and said "I guess... I guess what I want to say is this. V, when you kissed me that first night, it... I was shocked, you know? I had noticed that you were hot before but... I knew you were way outta my league, _hermano_. You got big-time corp experience, you know your way around systems and people, you're hot as fuck... I knew I didn't have a shot so I didn't even give it a second thought." I wanted to protest, protest loudly, but my promise bound me so I just made a soft noise of disagreement. "It's true. And like I said, I never had been with a guy. I'd noticed a few around that I thought were sexy, I scrolled some BDs, just to find out what it was about," he confessed, and glanced away, not willing to meet my eyes. Aha, I thought, that explains some things. "... but girls were good too, right, and it was just, I dunno, easier I guess. I probably would never have done anything if you hadn't moved on me. And it was... I guess it was okay, because you were my brother, I already loved you like part of my family." I hoped this was going somewhere positive, because right now it sounded like... just listen, I told myself sternly. "But you made me feel shit that I never... I mean, I've been with plenty of girls, you know that. Me and Camila were together for two years, but she never made me feel as special in that time as you have in the past week, _mi corazón_." He pressed his forehead to mine and I felt my sinuses prickling in relief and affection. God, the effect this man had on me! "I still feel like... like you're way too good for me. And it scares me a little bit. Maybe more than a little. Because one day, I think you're gonna look up and be like ' _quien es ese_?' and you're gonna leave, and I... I don't..." I couldn't help myself.

"Jackie, no..." I whispered, kissing his nose. "I..."

" _Callate_ ," he said, smiling even though his eyes were shiny enough to tell me how emotional he was feeling. "You promised." Rebuked, I nodded and mimed zipping my lips shut. "I'm not used to feeling special. I'm just... just Jackie, you know? I was the kid of my brothers, the one that never could quite keep up. _Mamá_ spoiled the fuck outta me. My father was... he was not a nice man. I don't wanna talk about him. Not right now. He had just, um, left when... when we first met." When he saved me, he meant; little punk ass charter school kid wandering out into 'the real city', I'd have ended up as a statistic if not for Jackie. Hard to believe that was ten years ago now. "But I'm rambling. I guess what I'm trying to say is... you say those things like you said tonight. Like, you choose me, and you're always gonna choose me, shit like that. I never had anybody say things like that to me, V, not that I trust. But from you, it... if you keep it up, I'm gonna fall for you. Hard. I think maybe I... well. I just... I wanna say this now. So we're clear. If you ain't serious, if that is the sort of stuff you just say, then no hard feelings, but... you need to tell me. Because if we get much further and you bounce, I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna do so good with that." He was crying for real now, and I was fighting to keep quiet so I settled for kissing the tears off his cheeks. "And I'd rather... I'd rather not fuck and keep my _hermano_ than I would fuck around and lose it all."

"Can I talk now?" He nodded, still choked up. "Jackie... I meant every goddamn word I said. First off, know that. I haven't said anything to you that I didn't mean... well, except when I called you a gonk." He chuckled at that, even through the tears. "You're wrong about one thing, though... you deserve way better than me. I'm a fuckin' wreck. I've seen too much shit, I've done too much shit, and I'm kinda broken from it, J. My hands are still steady but my mind is all over the place. I came in here convinced you were gonna bounce." He looked at me like I was crazy and I could laugh about it... now. "I watched you for months, afraid to say anything. I would never have kissed you if you hadn't got me drunk, got me outside my own head enough to take a chance. But I'm in for the long haul. And I'm not going anywhere if you don't; you're not going to lose your _hermano_. That's always been my biggest fear as well, because you and Mama Welles and this... you took me in, man, you took my broken ass in and gave me a home and a life and... fuck, Jackie." I kissed him, hard, trying to convey everything through my lips and tongue without speaking. Everything was going to work itself out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's coming... wait for it... :D
> 
> Love you guys for staying with me! <3 <3 <3
> 
> Your kudos and comments make me happy :)

I didn't sleep well that night; too many emotions, too much going on the day before... emotional conversations were exhausting, even when they ended well, and yesterday had had a few of them. I was glad Jackie was a pretty heavy sleeper because I woke up once from a nightmare and had to touch him, make sure he was warm and real, feel his heart beating with my fingertips before I could sink back into something approximating comfort. When the morning came, I was exhausted, feeling like I'd been worked over but still the memory of his face saying 'I'm gonna fall for you, hard' was like a fire in my heart. I used the bathroom and went down the stairs, cursing as I remembered I still needed to call Padre back. Mama Welles and I sat in the kitchen and talked about food and the bar. I described the date Jackie and I went on, bragging on her son's taste, and when Jackie came in and gave me a shy smile he lit up the whole room. We had a calm, normal morning, one that could have been from any of the months I'd been here before he and I got together, and that seemed to be happy for everyone. Still, I'd catch him glancing at me when he thought I wasn't watching and it was like a blessing each time. Mama just looked from him to me and back and would sigh and shake her head, but she didn't say anything even off-color; it was a chill morning and we were past due for one.

Time passed, though, and I eventually called Padre when we got up from the table. All he would say was "Come by, it is better to discuss some things in person," so Jackie and I got dressed and rolled to Padre's storefront church. The Church of San Judas Tadeo was the weirdest fixer den I ever saw. Most fixers did biz out of another business; Wakako was in a pachinko parlor in the middle of Japantown, that chick out in the Badlands, Dakota, worked out of a garage. But Padre? Nothing would do but a church. I wondered if the Bishop knew what went on in the back rooms... for that matter, I wondered if the Bishop knew there was a shrine to Santa Muerte in what was officially labeled a broom closet. Last I heard, she wasn't on the Church's list of approved saints. But hey, not my biz. We went around back and checked in with Flaco at the door; we knew not to walk through the pews and the little old praying grandmas and make a scene. After a perfunctory look and scan, Flaco heaved his bulk off his stool and opened the door for us. Padre was sitting at his table and thankfully Chiquito was nowhere to be seen. I wasn't in the mood to have beef with someone this morning, but I expected Jackie and I would both make an exception for that gonk.

"Gentlemen," Padre said with his signature smile, "so glad you could join me. Sorry to interrupt you last night." Jackie's face looked guilty, but I knew Ibarra was just fishing for info. Hell, fishing for info was half his job. I gave him my best bland smile.

"No trouble at all, thanks for being understanding, giving us the option to wait. How can we help you?" I sat at the table, put my hands on it in view to show trust, and leaned forward. He smiled a little wider, nodded to acknowledge my parry. Jackie sat down backwards on a chair, leaning on the backrest in front of him with both arms. Padre looked at him with an odd expression.

"I have a bit of a... well, I'm not sure what sort of situation. You two are perfect to help me... hm... how shall we say, tease out the threads of this web. You know your way around electronics," he said with a nod at me, and I had to fight not to scoff; Padre knew I was one of the best deckjocks in Heywood, if not _the_ best. "And Jackie, here, has experience with engines and garages." Jackie's ears pricked up, and his face went from curious to interested pretty quick. Nice, I thought. There's the bait. Where's the hook? "I have an... associate. Marco Cavalho. He and I have done quite a bit of biz together. He runs a garage at the edge of Heywood called Flash Rides. Lately, things have been different, and I'm not sure why. Nothing specific; no outright disrespect, no arguments, just... let's call it a chilling of relations. I would like you two to go as my representatives to pick up a delivery for me. Get a tour of the garage as knowledgeable parties," he nodded at Jackie. "See what is to be seen. Maybe it is nothing; just a brief confluence of random factors. If so, I would be glad to hear it. If not, though... I want to know what is going on." I nodded, already planning out ways and means. Recon jobs were usually done at night, in the shadows, not riding in under a flag in broad daylight. This was something new. I also had to factor in that this was publicly acknowledging at least a nominal formal allegiance to Ibarra, a rep that could limit us in the future (though we were happy to do as many jobs for him as he wanted in the dark).

"Sounds challenging but doable," I replied. Jackie leaned back, seeming content to let me do the negotiations as usual. "What's this delivery we're picking up?" Padre's face closed down and I held up a hand. "Not trying to get in your biz, Padre, and not asking for a packing list or a chemical breakdown. Just is it something I need to worry about being caught transporting, is it something dangerous, is it..." At that, the old man nodded, understanding.

"It is only a car. There should be no problems." 'Stolen vehicle, but the paperwork has been scrubbed', I translated in my head. "I would urge you not to run over a policeman with it, but that goes without saying." I grinned, but translated that to 'but not too scrubbed'. "There are papers in the trunk, but nothing of interest to a casual observer. I don't think you need to examine them, they should be fine." With almost certainly stolen corp intel, hardcopy at that. Fucking preem. He scribbled a number on a pad of paper and slid it across the table, and I double-checked it, surprised. That was a lot of eddies, even for a sketchy transport.

"Not arguing against my own cut, Padre, but that seems high," I said. I slid it over so Jackie could read it. "What aren't you telling us?"

My reward was one of Padre's patented deep chuckles, signaling possible amusement and possible danger. I hoped like hell it was the first, not the second. "I want a look at what's really going on there, as I said. The eye of God sees all things, but we His children must discover for ourselves. The rest of the money is for you to use your skills to tell me what's really going on in the garage. If biz that isn't mine is being done there, I want to know what and whose. If not, I would like to know that as well. Anything you can find out. Even so, V, I don't expect you to have to resort to... extraordinary measures, beyond your systems skills. Can you do this?" I had no idea what Padre meant by 'extraordinary measures', so that was a little concerning. I looked over at Jackie but he was giving me a neutral look; no automatic vetoes, then. Guess he didn't know what Padre meant either. I tossed the idea around for a few seconds, but that was a very large pile of eddies to leave on the table based on nerves around a single phrase.

"Okay, Padre, we're in. How do we make the connection?" He nodded and smiled again, spreading his hands. I really hoped this wasn't going to fuck us.

"I will call Marco and tell him to expect you tomorrow between two and three in the afternoon; does that time work?" I nodded; we'd make it work. "Excellent. Drop me a note when you are on your way and I will confirm with them to avoid surprises. That way you also have tonight to go take a look if you wish, get an idea for the lay of the land. But V... I have to emphasize: this must be discreet. Marco is a useful ally. I have no desire to cause offense if there is not a problem already. This cannot degenerate into any sort of ugly situation unless there is truly no choice. Clear?" I nodded and, at my nudge, Jackie did too. "Good. Then we understand each other. Hopefully, by tomorrow evening, this will all have proven to be an old man worrying about nothing, and I will have paid far too much money for a simple delivery." He smiled, but his eyes didn't. I knew better as well. Padre was close to his eddies like a jealous man was close to his wife; no way in hell he'd offer that much unless he was fairly sure that the shit could hit the fan in a spectacular fashion. The rest of the visit was the usual shooting the shit, but I noticed Jackie was quiet as we left. I could tell he took this seriously.

After leaving Padre's we talked about the gig a little as we drove. Try as we might, neither of us could figure out much of a plan beyond going in and seeing what was what. Frustrating. Figuring we might as well pass some time, we went and grabbed some food and hit the gym, waiting for sundown. After dark, we found Flash Rides. It wasn't much to look at, well-camouflaged as a neighborhood engine-repair and tire-fixing spot, custom paint jobs, that sort of thing, though it didn't take Jackie's discerning eye long to notice that it had a lot more bays than a standard neighborhood garage. There weren't any guards visible, but there were a worrying number of cameras on-prem. Every possible angle of ingress and egress was covered, more like a military base than some mook's auto repair place. That wasn't the worst red flag, though; from a systems perspective, it was a black box. I couldn't get a response from a single device inside the perimeter from outside the gates, which set off all sorts of alarm bells in my mind. Even the vending machines were locked down. This place was a fucking data fortress, way more than it should have been, even as a dirty chop shop for someone like Padre. Now I was even more nervous about this, especially since we were coming in well-lit and walking through the front door tomorrow. Jackie was characteristically chill, just shrugging and saying "it'll all be fine, V. Padre knows what he's doing." I hoped he was right.

We turned in early and headed to our own rooms by unspoken consent. This was the drill before every job. Jackie spent the night before checking his guns, cleaning them, probing them, obsessively tending to them to make sure they were in shape; I spent the night before a run testing my deck, making sure I had the latest and greatest of anything I might use, peeping the BBS' for anything new or useful, updating all my 'ware. This was going to be a new take on our standard jobs tomorrow, because I was usually the face man, but in this case it would be Jackie. Flash Rides would be crawling with Valentinos, so that made sense to me, and I knew Jackie understood garages but... if my fears about this place were accurate, all it would take would be one tiny fuck-up before we ended up in a landfill somewhere. Going in lit there was no plan B. 

Sleep wasn't happening. I was still exhausted from not getting much sleep the night before, but my brain wouldn't shut up. About midnight, I heard a quiet knock at my door. When I opened it Jackie was standing in the dark hall in his underwear. "Can I..." he asked softly, staring at his bare feet and waving in the general direction of my bed. I dragged him under the covers and wrapped myself in him and his smell of safety and comfort like a quilt. That was apparently what was missing; I was out like a light. The last thought I remembered was thinking how funny it was that I could go from 'I don't like to share a bed' to 'I don't sleep right without someone' in seven short days.

The next day dawned in the usual pre-job burst of adrenaline. We weren't talking much, trying not to snap at each other, like we always did before a big job like this. We did let Mama Welles know that we had a gig that afternoon and that we would be in touch afterwards if all went well. Not only did she appreciate it, never hurt to have someone who could come looking for you if you didn't check in. Time crept by and we were both almost out of our minds by the time one in the afternoon rolled around. Padre's cab was waiting to drop us off. I called Padre as soon as we were on asphalt and he said he would make the arrangements. Right at two, we were rolling up to the gate.

" _Holá, amigos_ ," a heavily-chromed 'Tino at the door waved us in with a huge grin, gave us a half-assed wave with a metal detector wand, not even pretending to look when it beeped angrily and glowed red. He happily ignored Jackie's guns jammed in his belt. _Amigo_ my ass, I thought, but we nodded and Jackie gave him all the proper signs back. "What can I do for you? Need a tow? We got..." Jackie cut him off.

"We're here to see Marco for Padre. Pick up a ride. Maybe see the garage, if we're lucky. You got a preem shop here." Said with a smile, but far too abrupt. Damn, Jackie, I thought. Way to bull straight into it. Still, the guy acted chill, nodding and smiling.

"Sure thing, _muchacho_. Lemme call upstairs." I could tell Jackie was nervous by how tense his hands were, though he looked top chill to a casual observer. Almost immediately, the phone beeped. Suddenly the big smile was gone and the bruiser was all biz. "Okay, go on up. Door behind me. Meet my choom at the top of the stairs, follow him close. Don't wander off, don't poke around, don't touch nothin'. Standard biz." We nodded again and headed to the stairs. Another mountain of augmented muscle met us upstairs, and if not for the gold crosses and the skull tats, I'd have thought he was an Animal instead of a 'Tino. I eyed him dubiously but Jackie lit up like a slot machine that hit the prize.

"Escalero!" Jackie said, laughing, and fake-punched the giant dude in the gut. " _Como anda, cabrón?_ " The dude burst out laughing himself.

" _Que pasa, comepinga_!" They started laughing and insulting each other in Spanish faster than I could follow, but it seemed like when Jackie had been running with the Valentinos this guy had been his close choom. The social temperature warmed up quite a bit and we walked behind him, Jackie introducing me as his ' _hermano_ V'. I didn't like the look I got when he took in my lack of gold and tats, but he nodded companionably enough and bumped elbows with me. As we walked, I scoped the hallway we were walking through. It didn't look anything like the back rooms of a standard garage; the hall was finished, with opaque doors for each room we passed, like an office building. Even more interesting, there were cams everywhere. Like, literally, everywhere. I wondered if there would be a camera in the toilets, even; this place was under tighter surveillance than a bank. Seriously strange. I sniffed unobtrusively, but there was none of the reek of a drug lab on-prem; it didn't even smell like a garage, no oil or coolants. When we got to the main office, Escalero and Jackie fake-punched each other again before the enormous dude (I could see why his nickname was 'Staircase' since he was ridiculously tall) knocked on the door then ushered us inside. Marco was waiting.

When I saw Marco, I had the cold realization of just what Padre had meant by 'extraordinary measures'. Marco was impossibly gorgeous. The only thing that offered any protection from the effect was that he almost didn't look human. He was just... too. Too much, too everything. I couldn't imagine a single person, regardless of what they thought their orientation was, not just dropping to their knees to worship this godlike creature in front of me if they were given the chance. He had delicately sculpted features, full red lips like a Renaissance painting of debauch, large limpid almost-black eyes... one of the rare men who could properly be described as beautiful. Perfectly arranged dark curling hair fell to his shoulders, broad shoulders and arms that were just bulky enough with muscle faded down a sculpted torso to trim hips. A perfect ass, with enough showing in the front that he was clearly hung as well. Muscular legs shown off by tight pants. As if the body itself weren't enough, Marco moved like a stalking lion, every gesture infused with a grace that made me wonder if he'd trained as an acrobat or dancer. Not a blemish, not a scar, not a wrinkle touched that perfect golden-olive skin. "Gentlemen, _bom dia_ ," he said, and even his voice was perfect, a deep whiskey-and-honey vibration that sounded like whispered perversions and midnight sex. I could tell by the smirk on his face that he enjoyed watching people see him for the first time, enjoyed the reactions, and that helped... a bit. Seeing the look on Jackie's face helped more; he kept glancing at me and the clench of his jaw showed that he knew just how much I would have been panting like a dog in heat for this guy just a few months ago. I was sure my jaw had dropped when I came in the room, but I did my best to seem chill and not look dazed, for Jackie's sake if not my own. Jackie moved himself in between me and Marco, standing almost directly in front of me, subtle as a drop-hammer.

"We came to pick up the car for Padre," Jackie said, voice rough and challenging. I winced, tried to keep it off my face; no place for jealousy, Jackie, not here, not now, please.

"Of course," Marco said seductively. Just said, I corrected myself. Someone who looked like a god of sex probably did everything seductively. Ate, slept, took a shit... anything. He probably caused accidents on the street if he walked by on a sidewalk. "Padre Ibarra is a good friend. As are his associates," this last said with a smile that was beautiful and still slightly... off. "And your names are?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, where are my manners," Jackie grinned, obviously (to me, anyway) suddenly remembering what he was supposed to be doing, "I'm Jackie, this is V. Very nice garage you have... big." Marco eyed him for a moment, then smiled again, reminding me of a big cat seeing a mouse and trying to decide if it was hungry. The longer I looked at Marco, the more I saw past the gorgeous exterior and the more I realized that here was a truly dangerous man.

"Thanks... it's a good shop. Let me show you where to go to pick up the car." He motioned us over to a window, gesturing down to the floor below, and as we walked over Jackie made a show of inspecting the equipment.

"This is preem, Marco, really. You guys have the Koretech lifts? How do you like them? I worked a shop with Gentrees and they were trash, always freezing up three ticks from max." Marco looked over and for the first time, uncomplicated interest appeared on that predatory face. Great, I thought. So Marco really is a gearhead. One point for Padre. The two of them quickly descended into a technical discussion of equipment for every aspect of renovating cars from painting gantries to engine block repair. I was bored, and let it show; nothing to be gained by pretending to follow along. After a few minutes, I waved over Escalero to ask if he could take me to the bathroom while Marco and Jackie talked shop.

"Problem?" he asked.

"Yeah, I ate one of those BurritoXXL things they advertise everywhere. Smelled okay, you know? But it fucked my guts up." I was better at improv than Jackie, but it was stress churning my guts, not bad food.

"Damn, choom, you ate that shit? Be better off with honest kibble. Not surprised it ripped your guts out; those things are fuckin' poison. Hang on," then he called across the room. "Hey boss, V needs to go, I'll escort him and be back in a sec, that okay?" Marco waved his assent as he and Jackie were discussing something, but I saw Jackie's glance acknowledging that he heard as well. I figured this was the only chance I was going to get to get out of this room before we accepted delivery. "Alright, come on." He walked me down the hall, pointed at a door. "Through there, go through the second door, I'll wait here. Don't blow it up too bad, we all gotta use that toilet."

"Try not to, choom, but no promises. Back soon. God willing." I left him chuckling in the hall as I went through. Airlock design, door, then another door, then the facilities. Sure enough, there was a camera mounted over the center stall of three, keeping an eye on the can. Paranoia: exceptional. Expectation of privacy: clearly nonexistent. God help anybody that came in here to pull off a quick one on break. That image had me laughing until I got into a stall and sat on the throne to match the story I had told. Now... party time. I sleazed the ICE on the cameras fairly easily, though they were beefy as hell compared to a normal set up. Step one complete. I actually did need to go, so once I got done with the biological side of things I set a record-loop of me clutching my guts and bending over to repeat with a randomizer to keep it from being too obvious. Now, fuckers, I thought, let's play. Sliding through their net, I sent out a quick ping to try to get a grip on what I was looking at. The first viz showed the familiar shape of turrets (gun turrets? In a chop shop?!) and I could see they had outdated firmware but the goal was run a slick in and out, not zero the joint. Generators, lighting, fiber mux... Ah, cams. I peered through camera after camera, hopping across the vid-feeds. Flick, flick, flick. Guys working, shop mechanics, someone working a lathe (a lathe? Fuck, they had everything in here), storage room, storage... wait, hold up. The particular shape of those crates was familiar. I flicked back one, scanned for logos. Yep. Militech. Pallets and pallets of Militech gear, stacked up to the ceiling, all in the original packaging. Flick. More Militech. Flick. Jesus Christ, _more_ Militech. This place was like a war waiting to happen. I figured I might not be looking at the fire, but I was definitely seeing some light and smoke. I rounded up the vid feeds and stills of what I was seeing on those pallets, used steganography to jam it into innocent image files, and spammed it out through the firewall hidden as family pictures from an employee who seemed to like sending shit like that. I poked briefly at their file server and email but the way it rippled at even a brush told me I didn't have the time or resources to slice through it without getting busted... or fried. Just as I was wrapping up and cleaning up my footsteps through the net, I heard the door opening.

"Choom? You dead?" I had dropped another one of those horrendous smelling synth-puke tablets in the toilet as soon as I heard the door opening, so when Escalero came in he gagged. " _Hijoeputa!_ You need to go to a ripperdoc, _compadre_ , something wrong with you if your gut produced something like that! _Madre de Dios!_ " I heard the door closing quickly. Gagging myself but chuckling, I got myself together and got out. "Fuckin' _cabrón!_ " greeted me as I stepped outside. "I oughta beat the living fuck outta you! I _told_ you that was the bathroom for everyone!" It was all I could do to keep from laughing at the utter disgust on his face, even knowing that doing so would probably get me crushed like an empty can.

"Sorry, choom," I said, all fake apologetic. "Like I said, don't eat the BurritoXXL, no matter what the ads say. I guarantee you I won't ever eat it again." We got back to where Jackie and Marco were, and clearly the conversation had flagged in our absence.

"You good, V?" Jackie asked.

"Take this man to a doc," was Escalero's response. "And possibly an exorcist." His boss shushed him, looking disgusted at such lowbrow humor, but gestured at the window.

"Take them down to Bay 5," Marco said. "Tell Chico to clear the gate for the Avenger." Escalero nodded, and Marco turned back to us, smiling directly over at me and looking me up and down. "Give Padre my regards, and tell him he has excellent taste." What the fuck? I was a little nervous that the only thing Marco said to me was flirting, but I figured maybe he was just fishing to see what he could catch. Jackie, on the other hand, looked like a thunderhead. We said our goodbyes, thanked him and headed down. Some shop-rat started the car for us, and we got in with Jackie driving, backing it out of the bay.

As soon as we got in the car and closed the doors, I looked over at Jackie. Jaw tight, brows down, he looked ready for a fight. "I choose you, Jackie Welles. I will always choose you." He stopped, dumbfounded for a moment, before shaking his head and laughing, face opening up, expression changing completely.

"You're a motherfucker," was his response, though with a grin that removed any possible offense. "How do you always know the right thing to say? _Chingón, ese hombre, que clase de hijoeputa_." I decided to take that last comment as referring to Marco. We drove out through the yard, past a line of bays, some open but most closed, and the far-too-strong reinforced gate retracted into the ground to let us out. As the guard waved us out, the gate closed behind us. "I saw you looking at that Marco guy," Jackie muttered. "I can't blame you, but..." I could tell he was feeling insecure. Hell, I couldn't blame him; Marco would make anyone feel insecure.

I laughed out loud. "You were looking too. Jackie, lesbians would look at that guy. Fucking dead people would look at that guy. He could walk through a morgue and leave a line of bodies with boners." Jackie was belly-laughing at that image before he suddenly became serious. "What?" I asked, figuring I knew the answer from how he was looking at the mirrors. I was already digging for my phone.

"I think we've got a tail," Jackie said. "Call Padre." I had been afraid of this; they had been waiting for us to pull out.

I hit Padre's number on speeddial. "Padre, we seem to have some unwanted company. We're on... LeJeune, passing Ridge." I craned my neck to see the signs.

"Very good. Hold on... Ah. Tell Jackie to turn left into the parking deck under the Data-Tech sign coming up in three blocks. Go up one level and meet the man waiting. If he's not there, he will be shortly. Black jacket, black hat. When he's done, call me back." Ibarra's voice was uncharacteristically clipped and direct; it was rare to hear the strategist speak directly instead of the public face.

"Understood. And... I got your answer. You were right." I wanted Padre to know I had information worth keeping us alive for, if nothing else. I leaned over to Jackie. "Turn left in three blocks. Entrance to a parking deck, under a Data-Tech sign." Jackie nodded, message received. 

"I look forward to hearing all about it. Go with God." The black truck behind us sped up, coming closer as we accelerated. The sign appeared on our left, and the truck didn't seem to realize they'd been made. When we cut a hard left into the deck, I heard the tire-shredders clunk up into place behind our rear wheels and a squeal of brakes as the truck saw them.

"Padre said go to the second level, meet a guy with black coat, black hat." No sooner had we pulled around a corner than the guy was moving towards us, flagging us out of the car. He swept the car with a detection wand, looking for electronics. He was a model of efficiency; clearly far from his first time doing this. Finding nothing in the interior or under the sides, he popped the trunk and pulled out a tracker, red LED quietly blinking.

"Cute," was all he said. "Here, do it." He handed the tracker off to another person who stepped out of the shadows, who hopped on a motorbike and buzzed away with it tucked in their bag. "Get back in." We did. "Go out the second entrance onto Levigne. Turn left. Drive to the drop like normal from here. Keep to the speed limits. If you see anything, call. Go." We took off and there was no sign of anyone waiting, no vehicles that seemed interested. I called Padre back but with nothing to report, he told us to stop by and see him for debriefing when we were done with the drop. We pulled the car into a storage area, then directly into one of the storage units, and left just before the door dropped automatically and sealed the car inside. 

We stepped outside to find a cab waiting for us. Jackie was giving me a look like he really wanted some comfort, but we had to keep it chill... I hated it, and sat as close to him in the car as I could without being too obvious. I took advantage of the ride to reassemble my data from where I had stashed it during the run, stitching the images back together on my deck and stashing them in temp storage. Even so, soon enough we were back at the church. When we went in and sat at the table, Padre looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "You said I was right earlier. How right was I?"

"It was Militech. Your boys've been turned, either press-ganged, sold out or bought out. Here." I shared the data I had fished back out of the images I had sent to various dead drop accounts. Stills of crates and crates, stacked up to the rafters. Brief vid clips from cams panning across the darkened warehouse, enough light filtering in to show pallets and pallets of the stuff. "There was tons of the shit. That location must either be a major transshipment point for the corp's black ops or else they looted the entire warehouse. You could stage a whole war with what's in that building. Either way..." Padre sighed and crossed himself. I had a feeling Marco was probably going to have a very bad day in the near future.

"As I feared," Ibarra said. "They have left the path of God." He sighed again, deeply this time. "This makes things difficult. I'm sorry to have sent you both into such a situation." I believed that like I believed in his religion, but it was nice of him to say so. Turned out he had another surprise in his pocket. "I seem to have inadvertently made life challenging for you, and I apologize. Allow me to make a suggestion... perhaps a vacation is in order. Here." He pushed over two envelopes just as our phones chirped; I checked my balance and saw eddies rolling in, lots of them. Taking one of the envelopes, I pulled out a keycard and raised an eyebrow at Padre. He smiled and this time it reached his eyes. "Our mutual acquaintance Dakota has offered to host you for a week or so, long enough for the heat to die down here. As I said, perhaps you would both benefit from a vacation. Your rooms are paid for, and I included a bonus in your payments that should cover the cost of food. You boys enjoy yourselves. You've done a great service to the church, and to me."

" _Muchas gracias_ , Padre," Jackie said, taking his envelope as well. "That's very kind of you." He was giving an almost cocky smile to the old man, but I didn't know why. I supposed I would find out later. I did, too... when we called Mama Welles and told her we would be spending at least a week hiding in the Badlands she was furious. Livid. Jackie kept saying over and over that Padre had paid for the rooms, that he was taking good care of us, and really drove the point home. I figured even a fixer like Ibarra was scared of Guadalupe Welles with a mad-on... and probably wise to be so.

It was very late, almost two in the morning when we pulled up to the Sunset Motel where Dakota had stashed us, tucking Jackie's car behind the garage in the lineup of vehicles waiting for service. The fixer's garage and home base was right next door, so the whole place was as secure as the Aldecaldos could make it; I didn't have the slightest worry about us running into trouble here. We were going to have to make a necessities run in the morning, considering Padre had bundled us directly off without even giving us a chance to go back to the house and get a change of underwear, toothbrush, anything. I had to admit, though, that fat wad of eddies he had plunked in our accounts would smooth the path for anything we needed. I was sure Dakota could find us some clothes that fit. We stumbled up the stairs, too tired to function, and found that our rooms were clean, orderly, and we even had an adjoining door. No sooner had we gotten in and locked the outer doors than the adjoining door was open, creating a decent approximation of a luxury suite. We both re-acquainted ourselves with the wonders of hot water from the hotel's solar water heater in our respective showers, and as I was stripping off it hit me. We were here. Alone. For over a week. Together. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, away from the prying gaze of Mama Welles... Padre had essentially sent us on a honeymoon. Still naked from my shower, I wandered through the connecting door to where Jackie was toweling off. I admired his ass for a moment, then stepped up.

"Why, Mister Welles," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him from behind. He looked up in the mirror and blinked to see me and I watched the fire rise in his eyes. "Here we are, all alone. Whatever will we find to do to amuse ourselves?" I watched as the thoughts flickered across his face, his mind reaching the same conclusion mine had already. His grin was blinding. "I would hate for you to get bored," I murmured, taking the towel from his hands and rubbing it down his back, from the nape of his neck down to his buttocks. I toweled off each ass cheek individually, watching him shiver, and then knelt to dry off each leg and foot before standing, towel dropped and forgotten, and wrapping myself around him again. He turned in my arms, leaning in to kiss my neck below my ear. Now it was my turn to shiver.

"I don't think that's gonna be a problem," he said quietly, picking me up like he had that first night and walking me to the bed. He set me down like a precious jewel, leaning in to kiss me. We were both too tired to do much that night, but we had time enough to do all sorts of things. "But I hope there's a store nearby."

"Why?" I asked, mind going unwillingly to my earlier thoughts of clothing.

"Food. Drinks." He whispered. "Lube." I glanced up, met his eyes, and the look on his face made flames race along my nerves with how bad I wanted him. "There's a lot of things I want to learn from you." I looked forward to teaching him. Teaching him everything.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I'm not teasing you folks, he's just working his way up to it :D Lots of sexytimes in this, though, for your reading enjoyment.
> 
> Your kudos and comments give me needed serotonin :)

I jerked back to consciousness, completely disoriented. The bed was unfamiliar, there was light coming from around the blinds on a window that shouldn't be there, and I didn't know where I was. A second later, an arm tightened around me. I looked down to see Jackie's familiar ring on the hand wrapped around me, cupping my pec, and I let my breath out in a whoosh. A sleepy voice from behind me muttered "G'morning, _hermano_. 'S okay." That big nose of his (I loved that damn nose) bumped my head, a warm gust of breath hit my neck from a yawn, then I felt warm lips touch my shoulderblade. I heard him murmur something else incomprehensible that ended with a 'p' sound, probably telling me to go back to sleep, before his breath steadied out again. I felt like my heart was going to burst with... fuck, it was honesty time. With love for this man behind me. I was used to fuck and go interactions, but this process with Jackie had been a whole new thing; forced into close proximity with someone I didn't even think was interested for months, emotions I wasn't used to feeling bubbled up and I was left in unfamiliar territory. I had cared about him for years; for all that he called me 'brother' all the time, he really was like the family I never had. But this... this roaring golden fire inside me, this ridiculous _need_ to have him near me, touching me, to have his smell around me... I didn't know what else to call this _but_ love. Just thinking the term had me freaking out. I could feel my breathing speeding up without wanting it to, heart pounding, and I talked myself down. It was fine, it was all going to be fine, just breathe. No decisions needed to be made today about anything, everything was going well, Jackie was here, he was with me, he wanted to be with me, he told me so. Just breathe.

A welcome distraction from my own racing mind came when he moved closer to me, pulling him close. It felt like an instinctive thing, like he was pulling me in like a blanket, but... there was a column of rock-hard flesh pressing into my ass. God, he felt good. My mind dropped the worries it was holding like they were nova-hot, rocketing off down a new track that had to do mainly with how many things I could think of to do with that stiff cock poking into me. I eased my ass up and down it, making Jackie grunt and hunch closer. Was he awake? Usually he would say something... I did it again and he sighed, pressing into me. His cock was ensconced properly between my cheeks now, riding the crack, and even though I didn't usually like to output I felt an itch along my nerves wanting it in me. That's not what we're doing right now, I tried telling myself, but my mind wasn't listening to me any more now than it did earlier... all I felt was a blazing mental itch of 'want this'. "You awake?" I asked softly, but got no response. Fuck. He rubbed against me again, just a little, but enough to make his cock slide along my ass. Fuuuckk... I pressed back instinctively. Warm balls pressed into the base of my cheeks and his drooling cockhead was nestled at the base of my spine, reminding me yet again (as if I needed it) that he was a big boy. He pushed forward then back, sighing a little, before a little whole body jerk and a strong inhalation told me if he hadn't been awake, he was now. His arm tightened reflexively.

"Uh... good morning," came from behind me, embarrassment and laughter both present in the sleepy voice. "Was I..." Now that I knew he was awake, all bets were off. I reached behind me, grabbed his cock while relishing his startled noise, guided it between my legs. Now his tip was pressing directly into the base of my balls; I could feel wetness seeping from him. "Damn, V," he whispered in my ear, "you really know how to wake a guy up." He thrust once, experimentally, and I made a soft little sound so desperate I almost didn't recognize it as mine. It seemed to motivate Jackie as well. He pumped once, again, and I felt more than heard the huff of breath on the nape of my neck. His weight rolled onto me and suddenly I was moving... hell, _being_ moved, and I realized Jackie slinging me around in bed was well on its way to becoming a fetish. Before I knew it I was face down with him on top of me, his arms on either side of me, his hips grinding into me. It was still new to me that someone could cage me like this and not make me panic, but the only thing Jackie could do to panic me would be to leave. A slick of sweat quickly formed between us where our bodies met, adding lubrication as well as a sense of primal raunchiness that had its own appeal. His rod was still embedded between my thighs but his whole body was pressing into me now, a muscular weight driving me into the mattress. He thrust again and again, leaving a trail of wet pre-come the length of the passage between my legs and the slicker it got, the more desperate his thrusts got. Jesus, if Jackie fucked like this, being his output suddenly looked a whole lot more appealing. Minutes slid by, feeling like hours, as the sweat and passion coiled around us both. He was pounding between my thighs like a piston, massive quads and abs drilling him into me, bare toes digging into the sheets beside my legs for purchase. Just the fucking _strength_ of him made me arch back into him with a whine. "Fuck, V..." he muttered, voice setting off sparks in my brain. "You feel so good, _querido_..." Lips caressed the base of my skull and I felt the gentle press of teeth. I bucked back hard; he had never called me that before, but now hearing it was like extra oil poured on the fire inside me. I needed him, wanted him so bad my fucking teeth hurt with it.

"Take me," I growled at him. "I'm all yours, Jackie, take me, take everything, just don't stop." I was half-crazy from arousal, wanting him in me, more, just more, anything, everything, as long as it was Jackie. My own cock was being dragged along the smooth sheets of the bed in a trail of my own pre-come, and each of his forceful thrusts pushed it back and forth. The friction along the bottom of my cockhead was both excruciating and amazing, riding the line between enjoyable and too much. He grunted and I felt a spurt of wetness bathe my balls and that was enough, more than enough, and I was coming myself into the sheets under me. Between Jackie and me, the whole bed was a puddle of sweat and come, and we lay in the middle of it, laughing breathlessly.

" _Jesucristo_ , what a mess," Jackie finally said and we laughed again, groaning as he rolled out of the human-sized wet spot and staggered towards the bathroom. I stood up and come ran down my legs from the mess between them. Catching Jackie's eye I trailed my finger through one of the slick rivulets and brought it up to my lips, sucked it clean in plain view. His eyes darkened again with desire and he gave me a rueful half-smile. "V... _eres un diablo_. I had no idea what I was gettin' myself into. You're gonna kill me." A chill went through me for some reason.

"No, I'm gonna _save_ you," I said, mopping up the drips with the dirty towel from the night before. "I promised to, and everything." In spite of myself, the mood was broken. I looked around, eyed the tiny shower cubicle and knew there was no way he and I would fit in it together. "I'm going back next door to grab my own shower, meet you in ten for a food run." He nodded as he climbed into the shower pod and I strolled back into my room. My phone was lying next to the bed in my room, flashing like it was having a seizure; there were a ton of missed calls, missed messages. What the fuck, I wondered, but fuck it... I was getting clean first. Once I was washed and mostly dry, I picked up the phone. Missed calls, starting at 5:35 AM... Padre, Padre, Padre, Mama Welles, Padre, Padre... Jesus Christ. Feeling a sense of panic, I noticed only Mama had left a voice message. One text message from Padre despite all the calls, and all it said was 'Call me immediately when you get this."

I played the voicemail back and Mama's voice sounded off. "V, call me when you get this. Call Padre first. I don't know what's going on, but he called here looking for you. I thought you and Jackie both said he knew where you were? I mean it, _llámame, mijo. Tien' cuidado_." Shit, now I recognized the tone; she sounded stressed. Now I was officially worried. I rang Padre and he picked up before it rang properly.

"Padre, it's V. I was asleep, my phone was..." but he cut me off.

"Thank you for calling. V, I must ask you something. I want you to be completely honest with me. This is very important. When you were running our errand yesterday, did you leave anything behind?" Padre sounded cold and my nerves were suddenly on point. This was bad, very bad. I racked my brain trying to think of anything we did during the run that was sketchy beyond the little altercation with our tail but came up empty.

"Leave anything... what? What do you mean? I told you everything we did, straight up. Other than dodging the tail they set on us, it was a slick in and out." He sighed. I heard voices arguing behind him, never a good sign.

"You left nothing in their systems, then? No daemons, no secret watchers, no anything that might cause problems?" 'Secret watchers'? What the absolute fuck?

"No. That wasn't in our instructions. In fact, you told us not to, and I don't like toys that run unobserved, too easy for them to get spotted. Padre, what's this about? You know we always do stuff according to your rec, it's why you like us. We went in, went upstairs, Jackie talked to your contact, I got the info, we got your car, that's it. No hustle, no skips, all completely chill. You know what happened when we left the spot because I called in the middle of it." He laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh. It didn't sound like an 'I'm going to kill you' laugh, though, so I guess that was something. I hated having to be so vague, but I wasn't going to tell too much detail over the phone. I added in "If we'd done anything suspect, we probably wouldn't have made it back. They didn't seem like the forgiving type, if you know what I mean."

Padre's voice had changed when he spoke again; not warm exactly, but not so cold, just tired. "You make a strong argument. Very well. I believe you... though in some ways it would be easier if I didn't. If you just woke up I suppose you haven't seen the news?" The only news I'd been given that morning was that Jackie was amazing in bed, and I doubted that was what he meant. When I was quiet for a moment, he said "You might want to take a look at 54, then. Things just got quite a bit more complicated. You might be out there a while. I need to make some calls. Go nowhere, talk to no-one. I will call when I know more." With that, he hung up. Check the news? That was never a good thing to be told. By a fixer, that was a very bad thing to be told. I threw on last night's clothes and went into Jackie's room, switched on the screen. He was still working his hair up into its topknot in the mirror when the news appeared.

Top story, a picture of Flash Rides. The place formerly known as, anyway, now a giant hole with white smoke floating out of it. I only recognized it from the neighborhood and the bits of fence still standing, though, because the pieces that were left weren't big enough to show a logo. A film loop kicked off again labeled "Mysterious explosion rocks north Heywood around 5:30 AM" and drone-cam footage of still burning wreckage over a crater that went way deeper into the earth than any garage should have. A few NCPD gonks strolled around below, poking here and there, putting in the effort to make a show without looking like they gave a single shit about what had happened. Talking heads jabbering away in the background, saying all the usual shit about 'unknown causes' and 'ongoing investigations' and blah blah fucking blah. Jackie came over and looked at the screen, did a double take.

"V, wasn't that the..." he asked, staring at the screen.

"Flash Rides. Yep. Looks like someone took 'em out." I was texting Mama Welles, 'We're OK, Padre got us, he does know where we are, will call soon'. I took a picture of the hotel logo and attached it and named it her phone number with the last three digits changed to my room number. She would be able to do the math.

" _Chingón_ , I guess Padre don't fuck around." He was laughing, not knowing about the call I had just got.

"Yeah, well..." He turned to me, face suddenly concerned; the tone in my voice must have tipped him off. "He called about ten times early this morning looking for us, even called Mama Welles looking for us. You might want to give her a call and calm her down in a minute. Whoever zeroed the place, it wasn't him and he's not too happy about it. At first he seemed to think I left something behind, but I think I convinced him otherwise." Jackie let out a harsh breath.

"Shit V, that's bad. Real bad. Wait, why would he think that? You wouldn't do that. We told him everything we did!" He was getting upset and I wanted to calm him down but wasn't sure how. I nodded, sighed, put my head in my hands.

"Yeah, we did, and I reminded him of that. Still, you have to admit it's a pretty fucking huge coincidence that less than a day after we leave, someone decides to zero the whole place, don't you think?" I went over and sat on his bed, kicking back on my elbows. "I mean, you know we didn't and I know we didn't, but it's not like Padre didn't have a point. If I was a fixer, and I sent two guys in to a situation like that to poke around in a spot that had been chill for a long time, and then all of a sudden the hand of God comes along and takes the place out..." I shrugged. Jackie scrubbed his hands over his face.

"Fuck. So... what's the plan? What did Padre say?" He went pale, connecting the dots. "If he thinks we did it..."

"I promised him we didn't, he said he believed me. Said it would have been easier if he didn't believe," I snickered grimly, "which I suspect means it would have been easier to flatline us and pretend like nothing ever happened. Unless it means he's still going to zero us but he's gonna feel bad for doing it." I felt like my gut was going into freefall. "I don't know what to do, Jackie." And to think last night I was excited because this was going to be a honeymoon! Jackie shook his head stubbornly.

"Padre won't zero us, _hermano_. He just won't. He knows we didn't do nothin' but what he told us to do. Did he say he needed us to come back?" I admired Jackie's faith but hoped it wasn't misplaced.

"No, he said to stay in our room and not go anywhere or talk to anyone." I looked around, shaking my head. "I think we're going to have to talk to one person, though... let's call and get food delivered. Would you do it? That way if someone is watching my number they won't see shit." Jackie nodded, then looked back at me with a confused look.

"Why would anybody be watching your number?" I opened my mouth, but he got there before I could answer. " _Ay, claro_ , because Padre always calls you instead of me. _Bueno_. What you want to eat?" After a little back and forth we ordered two pizzas, figuring we could save some for another meal if we had to. I turned off the news and a text appeared from Mama Welles. Before I could read it, I half-heard Jackie making the call to Buck-A-Slice in his 'telling a story' voice. After listening to a few words, I was immediately caught. He had some poor delivery guy on the phone and was spinning him some complete pile of shit story, half in Spanish, about how he had brought his girlfriend out here for a sex party and how they weren't leaving until they had gone through their whole supply of redlight. The more he talked, the wilder the story got, ending up in him offering the guy a big tip if he'd bring more lube along with the pizza and drinks. I was caught between trying not to laugh and thinking that Padre was going to kill him if he ever found out.

"What the fuck was all that?" I asked, barely holding in my laughter when he finally hung up the phone. "Jesus Christ, that was the most ridiculous story I've ever heard. He's gonna remember you for years, you gonk! The whole fuckin' Badlands are gonna hear about that. When you said you wanted to be a legend, I didn't think that's what you meant." Jackie was sitting and pretending to study the programming list for the TV like it was fascinating, a little grin playing around the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah, but he ain't gonna think it was two suspects in a motel room, is he? It's a good cover story for why we ain't seen much." He looked up, grinning a lopsided grin that made me horny all over again. "Besides, _querido_ , we get lube this way. He said he'll be here in thirty." I don't know what it was, but him calling me _querido_ was like a dose of redlight on its own. I walked over and sat down next to him, sliding my fingers through the short hair on the back of his head. He leaned in for a kiss, and we spent a few minutes just playing at kissing on the couch. Before things could get too hot, though, his phone rang. He hadn't even answered before I heard Mama Welles shouting at him and I wasn't too proud to run... I was back through the connecting door and in my own room before he even turned around. She chewed on him for more than twenty minutes, really giving it to him good... clearly she'd been worried. When I belatedly remembered the message she had sent me before I got sidetracked by Jackie's tall tale, it just said CALL ME all in caps. Whoops. I think the only reason he survived with an eardrum intact was because she was so glad he was still alright, plus she had to go open the bar. He hung up looking like he had been beaten.

" _Madre de Dios_..." was all he said. before I was kneeling in front of him. "V, what the..." I had his pants open, digging his cock out before he even knew what was going on. "I... wha..." I looked up at him through my lashes.

"If you are on redlight, you need to be hard for the delivery driver," I said, grinning up at him. "He better see a bulge... and it better be me that puts it there. He can look, but he can't touch." With that I slipped his soft (though rapidly hardening) cock into my mouth. One huge hand came to rest on my head with a sigh. His balls were heavy and warm in my hand, and I was careful just to get him hard and tease him along, not letting him get too much friction.

"V... _chingón_... why are you so fuckin' good at that..." he murmured. I would have answered but I had my mouth full. More than full, really, but I was a long way from complaining. Just as I was thinking about maybe getting him off once and trying to get him hard again, just for the challenge of it, there was a knock on his door and a muffled voice yelling about Buck-A-Slice. I was up and through the connecting door in a flash, leaving him to pack himself away, cursing. The glare he gave me when I grinned at him from the other room promised a payback, but I was okay with that. I left the door cracked out of sheer nosiness, wanting to see what the driver's reaction was. I was glad I did. Jackie opened the door, pants half-undone, face red and sweating, looking exactly like he was supposed to. The driver was a scrawny looking young dude in a blue Buck-A-Slice t-shirt and hat, and when Jackie opened the door the guy's jaw dropped. I saw his eyes go down to the very prominent bulge, come back up to the handsome, flushed face, and the expression on his face told me that this gonk was very interested indeed in what was going on in that room. He and Jackie had a short convo, delivery man taking turns very obviously ogling Jackie's cock-print and peering past him at the wrecked bed. They were talking soft enough that I couldn't hear, but I saw the fat wad of bills Jackie passed him. The guy was angling to stay, clearly, but Jack shut the door in his face and turned around, grinning.

"No," I said as I came out. "I didn't even need to hear it. No, he can't fuckin' stay and play." Jackie laughed, clear and open.

"You're a mind reader now?" His face was mischievous, gray-blue eyes dancing. "Nah, he said he had a break comin' up, wanted to know if the girl wanted some extra _verga_... or if she wanted some help tendin' to me. Don't get the feeling he was too picky about which side he was on." He grinned and stretched, clearly feeling appreciated for his body. "He wasn't my type though."

"He better fuckin' not be," I growled, moving close and rubbing up against him. "I don't think your 'girl' would have been too impressed either." He laughed again, dancing away while holding the pizzas and a paper bag.

" _Uyy, tien' cuida'o con la comida_..." he snickered, then set it down on the table. Turning around, he grabbed me and kissed me, hard, then let me go and flopped down on the bed while I was still reeling from the kiss. I dug out a slice of pizza once I got my shit together and opened the bag, almost choking on my food as I laughed.

"I don't know how much fucking he thought you were doing," I said through a mouthful of pepperoni and cheese, "but..." I pulled out a liter-sized pump bottle of Slick-It, lips glistening on the label. "I think he's got you covered. Hell, I think he's got us both enough to bathe in." He walked over, acting like he was interested in the lube, but when he got close, he grabbed my hand and took a huge bite off my slice of pizza. "Oh you fuckin' asshole," I fake-shouted. We chased each other around the room with pizza for a few minutes before flopping down in the uncomfortable chairs, snickering and eating. Affection for him blazed in me like the sun, and it was all I could do not to keep my mouth from saying things that it really had no business saying for as short a time as we'd been officially together. 

We were sitting around, eyeing each other, and Jackie finally turned the news back on to give us a distraction. We were in that funny zone where we both knew we were going to fuck, we just didn't know when. The tension in the room was almost as enjoyable as proper foreplay, just us looking at each other and looking away, legs jiggling, catching each other looking and then cutting our eyes at the talking heads on the holo... Even so, we both sat up and paid attention when the story about the 'mysterious explosion' came on. They threw up a picture of Marco, clearly a mugshot from some long-ago bust, where even tired, surly and recently arrested he still managed to look hot enough to crack the camera lens. The newscaster identified him as the "owner/operator", and he was listed as still missing after the explosion. Apparently a bunch of bodies had been found but the state they were in didn't lead to easy identification, or even counting how many people there had been. I hoped Jackie's friend Escalero wasn't among them. "That don't make sense," he said, when they cut to commercial.

"What?" I wondered.

"Why were there a bunch of people there at stupid o'clock in the morning? _Garajeros_ are not morning people, _'mano_... they don't come in early. Half of 'em don't come in at all, some days." Jackie shook his head. "Nothin' about this story adds up, V." The news cut to some new story about plans for some big festival in a few months and we cut it off.

"I dunno, Jack," was all I could say. Evening sun was slanting in through the covered window. I looked over at the bed and saw the mess we had left. "I'm gonna..." I waved at it. He looked concerned, but nodded. "Call me to ride along. If I have trouble, you can come." He nodded, sighing, and drew one of his guns. My phone chirped, and he was in my headset. I stripped the bed, bundling all the stained sheets into a small package, then went back to my room, cracked the door. Looking out, I didn't see anyone, so I stepped out onto the breezeway. Nothing. I went down to the Maid-U-Mat and put the dirty sheets in the hopper, paid 5 eddies for a set of cleans, another 5 for extra towels, and went back to the room. Not a peep, not a sign of anyone, except some bum in a BD rig, scrolling behind the dumpster with his hand in his pants. "That was easy," I said, and he grinned. Together we put the bed back together with clean sheets, and the domestic moment of just making a bed with him made me smile... I was gone, I could tell. I didn't think I had ever been this nuts for someone before; this was a whole new world. When we got done I fluffed the pillows, then turned to Jackie. "Now J, I expect you to be a good boy and not make such a mess again."

He arched an eyebrow at me, mouth quirking at the corner. That fucking dimple in his chin was smiling at me too; I wanted to touch it with my tongue. My eyes came back up and he was watching me watching him; I was so busted. "Like what you see, _mi corazón_?" he asked softly.

"Fuck, yes," was the only response I could give. He came over and wrapped me in his arms, slower than usual, pressed his lips to my neck. I noticed that his scent was different here to my mind, though not to my emotions. He didn't have his cologne here that I was used to smelling; there was no florida water on the nape of his neck to 'cool his head'. He just smelled like himself now, but as far as my subconscious mind went it was the same. I could feel myself relaxing into him, sinking into that strength for comfort. "I want you, Jackie," I whispered.

"You mean, like... Are you sure?" he stared at me. I knew he wanted to fuck me, had known since we started this. I also knew he was nervous about giving up his own ass, though the other night had proven that that reluctance could be overcome. Besides, the morning had piqued my interest. At my lazy grin and slow nod, he just said "Wow."

"Wow?" I chuckled. "I told you before, my ass is yours when you want it. You never gave it to any of your _chicas_ in the ass, Jackie? Never fucked anyone like that?" He laughed, blushed a little, and it made his freckles stand out.

"Yeah, but..." he looked away. "This is different."

"You did?" I was disappointed, actually. I guess that's what I get for asking questions I didn't want the answer to. "Damn, I was hoping I'd be your first." I reached down and grabbed his ass with both hands, pulling him close, and looked up into those stormy blue-grey eyes. "Guess I'll have to find something else to be first at." He looked at me and his eyes were scorching.

" _Querido_ , you've already been first with a lot of things, so many I can't even say. You were the first time I ever touched another _hombre's_ dick, the first dick I ever sucked, the first person to... eat my ass," he whispered the last phrase like a little kid talking dirty, impossibly charming. But he wasn't done. "For sure, you're the first to make me feel this way." Just when I thought I couldn't fall any more for Jackie, he comes out with some shit like that. I had to kiss him after saying such a thing, and soon we were kissing so hard I suspected he was leaving beard burn on me, and vice versa; not like either of us had been able to shave that morning. "I want you so bad," he whispered when we broke for air. "So bad." I grabbed one of those massive hands and moved it to my ass.

"Take me, then," I challenged. Within seconds we were throwing off clothes like there was a time limit to be naked. I got the giant bottle of lube and put it by the bed, grinning at Jackie as I did so, and put one of the extra towels down. "We just made this bed," I fake-huffed in an offended voice, which made him laugh. Soon enough, though, we were back to lying on the bed, wrapped around each other. He was hard as steel and I was too. I reached out to get some of the lube on my hand, but he stopped me.

"Wait," he muttered. Before I could ask why, he said "I just... I just wanna see somethin'..." What could he want to see, I wondered, before he shifted around. Before I knew what was happening, I felt his lips press against my asscheek. Fuck. I knew I must be dreaming, because no way is he about to... then that enormous tongue was dragging across my hole and I wasn't thinking clearly about anything any more. I was only half-aware of how much noise I was making, but my vision was flashing white and I had lost about half of my motor functions. I would almost think I was having an implant malfunction if it didn't feel so fucking _good_. I never expected him to do that. Even if it hadn't been good, the fact that it was Jackie doing it was almost enough to make me come without even touching myself, and it was amazing for a first time effort. His tongue was practically demonic, sliding and dragging across my sensitive flesh until I was ready to crawl out of my own skin. I could tell he had experience with women instead of men, though; after a few minutes he slid up like he was going to just slide into me and I had to turn a little, stop him, though I didn't want to.

"You still need lube," I panted, hating to have to interrupt. "Sorry." He just grunted, then took some from the bottle and worked it into me. His massive fingers were each almost like a cock themselves, probing and stretching. I had almost forgotten that burning, full sensation. In truth, it had never been one of my favorites, but this was Jackie, and I wanted him, wanted him right now. I got some lube myself and reached out, coated his cock, and he gave a surprised grunt and lurched forward into my hand. Slicking it back and forward, he grabbed my wrist then grinned at me. Ah, I thought. Someone is close. "Do it," I whispered. "Take me." He whined but lined himself up. "Slow," I urged; I really hoped this didn't hurt.

It didn't. The stretch was intense, but Jackie moved into me with such easy strength that it felt inevitable, inexorable, just the sort of constant urgent pressure that had me moaning his name. By the time he was deeply seated in me, enormous balls pressing against my ass, he was panting himself. I was careful not to move too much until he was ready, and he was kind enough to do the same for me. Then he moved, just a little, sliding out and back in. " _Querido_ ," he panted, "you feel amazing." I arched back against him, just a little, and felt the precise moment the angle was right for him and he slid across my prostate. My ass spasmed around him and I moaned too loud, I knew, but it was just too good. "You okay?" he asked, bless him. I palmed my cock, rapidly hardening again after going soft during the actual output.

"Y-yeah," I managed to get out. "'S good." I raised up on my knees to stroke myself, chest still pressed into the pillow under me. Jackie slid across my prostate again and again and it felt like fire inside my body, burning down my nerves, making the hair on my head stand up. "Jackie, god, Jackie," I panted. He made a wordless grunt of pleasure, and I felt him thrust impossibly deeper. Now his strength was beginning to get into it; I felt his quads bunching and releasing against my thighs, felt his arms contract as he drove in, felt his chest pressing against my back on the outstroke. I was barely aware of my own stroking hand, the sensations were so strong from my ass. This was better than I had ever imagined in all my furtive shower fantasies and I didn't want it to stop. Twisting back to look over my shoulder, our eyes barely met before he was kissing me deeply, tongue licking at my mouth as he railed me. He whined, I heard him panting, and I knew. "Close, babe?" He hummed his assent, face knotted up. "Give it to me," I hissed. "Come for me, Jackie, come in me, now." I didn't even get the last word out before he was shouting in release, driving into me fiercely. I could feel the warmth flooding me, and it was almost like I had come myself with the languor that poured liquid-sweet through my body. My own orgasm came as almost an afterthought, the final spurts of what had started in another body entirely, like I was just an extension of Jackie, his second cock wrapping up the event. We lay together in a blissed-out haze, his hand stroking my thigh possessively from where I had fallen over on my side next to him. This was the other part of being an output I didn't like, the hollow feeling afterwards, the emptiness. Still, that had been incredible. I looked over at him, expecting a smile, but instead he was staring at me like he had never seen me before. "What?" I asked, trying not to feel defensive.

"How..." he trailed off. "How are you so amazing?" I laughed, flipping off the insecurity in my mind, but he shook his head. "No, seriously, V... I don't... that was... holy shit." He just stared at me, to a point where if we hadn't just fucked I would be uncomfortable, but then I heard him whisper "I don't deserve you."

"Jackie..." I murmured, "you deserve much better than me, babe. But you've got me, for sure for sure..." He was looking at me now with a half-smile. "You've got me for as long as you want me, and probably a lot longer. 'Til the sun goes out, 'til the moon falls down..." I was rambling, I knew, but I meant it. I meant every word. It was way too soon to say those three dangerous words to him, but I was fucked if I wasn't going to communicate how I felt.

"Babe?" he smirked lazily. "OK... I like it. But only from you." He nuzzled my ear. "You're my babe too, _querido_." After a few more minutes I forced myself out of bed to go clean up. While I was up, I also brought my phone over and put it by our bed, just in case. Later, as we were falling asleep, my last thought was of him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, you beautiful people! Life happened, but here is an update. The plot is rolling along :)
> 
> As always, your kudos and comments bring me joy!

Unlike the previous morning, I woke feeling rested and without a single bad dream. Jackie was sacked out on the other side of the bed, having crawled almost completely out of the covers and lying naked except for a pillow over his head. I hadn't heard anything from Padre, and I wasn't sure whether the consequences would be worse from calling or not calling. I finally got out of bed, grabbing my phone and noting that there were no messages, before firing off a simple text to Padre - 'Nothing to report. Calm night.' . Neutral enough to let him know we were still waiting without seeming annoying... hopefully, anyway. Grabbing a slice of cold pizza I wandered back into my room to take a shower. My clothes were getting a little musty in general, but my underwear was decidedly past its sell-by date - if we couldn't go out, I needed to find out exactly what the options were at some point. It was a little awkward, especially since we were practically in another fixer's pocket at Padre's request, but now he didn't want us to interact with anybody. Dakota wasn't the talky sort in general, but when she did want to talk she expected you to listen. Back in my room, I eased the connecting door mostly shut and turned on the news to see if there had been any updates.

There was not a single mention of Flash Rides, the explosion, or anything else.

I watched 54 News for a full cycle until they looped back around, but the story was gone like it had never been. Interesting; creepy as fuck, but interesting. The further down this rabbit hole we went, the weirder shit got. One thing was for damn sure, Padre didn't have the pull to make a big story like that evaporate. Someone way, way up the information food chain had taken an interest in Flash Rides. I didn't know who, but I realized at that moment that I needed to tell Jackie those were two words that should probably never be mentioned next to each other again, at least not for several months. I stuck my head around the door to see if he was awake and he was in the shower. Fair enough. We could talk when he got dressed, not as though there was anything else to do.

The water stopped running. I saw a tattooed hand come out of the shower pod and grab a towel, and I smiled to myself. I was sitting in the corner by the bed, just out of his field of vision unless he craned around, so I was looking forward to the view to come. Abruptly, there was a knock on his door; I realized there had also been a knock on my door, almost at the same time. Not good. Not good at all. My phone bleeped and I looked down. A text from Padre, but all it said was "I'm sorry." I had barely read the words before the door burst in and soldiers poured through, wearing full combat gear; Jackie was yelling something belligerent in the shower, but he was wasting his time and breath. We were fucked. I didn't get to say a word before a rifle butt hit my jaw, and it was lights out.

=

I came to in a cell, tied to a chair, fingers and toes still tingling from the stim a blank-faced medtech was pulling out of my arm. Fuck. This was bad. This was very bad. I was in a small, nondescript grey room in front of a little makeshift desk, and behind it was one of the most nondescript humans I'd ever seen. He had beigeish brown hair, brown eyes, a soft, lipless sort of mouth that looked permanently drawn down at the corners, the sort of bland, doughy face that was eminently forgettable, with deader eyes than I'd seen in taxidermied animals. He was wearing a suit that was both of decent quality and yet made of some brown cloth that seemed to be woven out of threads of human boredom. This guy would have made a perfect spy; he was the face you'd never see in the crowd. Even an AI would probably assume he was a generic figure generated to mask someone else. He gave a twitch of the mouth that would be described as a smile on most people, but on him it was almost a facial tic, bearing no relation to what was being said or experienced. "Subject is awake," he said with no discernable inflection other than a hint of prissiness; that might have been the expression, though. Jesus, he even had a bland voice.

"Hi," I groaned. "If you're hiring there are easier..." I didn't even get a sentence out before something hit me in the back of the head, knocking me forward. The bland man didn't even twitch, eyes looking at me with no more interest than if I were a somewhat-disappointing science experiment.

"Good afternoon. Now that you are awake, we may begin. Agent?" He motioned at a giant 'borged out guard standing nearby in a Militech outfit, who promptly jacked some sort of device directly into my skullport. I could feel an immediate, brutal fuzzing sensation, competing for attention with my headache. My vision roiled into static and then settled. "Please make a true statement." I looked at Mr. Bland in disbelief. He repeated himself, same intonation, same everything. "Please make a true statement."

"Er... my head hurts." The guard's eyes flashed red and a green light lit up on the panel of the device. He flashed a thumbs-up to Mr. Bland.

"Excellent. Please make a false statement."

"I'm happy to be here." This time the light from the panel was red. The huge cyborg snorted but then nodded at Mr. Bland, who turned back to his paperwork impassively.

After a few minutes of scribbling, he looked up and gave the twitching fake-smile again. "You are hereby notified that this session is being recorded. Begin Session X-Ray Niner Niner One Four, regarding incident Blue Delta One Seven Niner Eight Eight Three. I am Militech Special Investigator Alphonse Cormorant; subject is..." he paused, then glanced over at me, exactly like we were in some government office somewhere filling out paperwork instead of the bowels of god-knows-where with my life on the line. "Subject will please state name and identifying information."

"Uh... V." I could all but feel whoever was behind me winding up to hit me again, so I quickly said "Just V. It's on my birth certificate." Cormorant (and what a name) nodded impassively.

"Very well. Please note, subject's statement is being assessed by polyphasic encephelographic verification. The PEV device operator is Agent Tyrell Gibson, who has previously attested to being certified in its use within the past six months. Now tell me, Mr. V, in your own words. What was the reason for your visit to the business at," and he read off the street address for Flash Rides. Well... so I guessed I was either dead, or about to be. Clearly Militech had made Padre an offer he couldn't refuse. I couldn't even be mad at him for handing us over; not like he was an apex predator like Militech. Militech and Arasaka were giant carnivorous whales, Padre was only a small shark. Jackie and I were barely minnows.

"We... uh, my partner and I... we went there at the request of Padre." The investigator held up his hand.

"What is your partner's name?"

"Jackie... Jackie Welles." I might as well say it; I suspected they had him in the next cell down, going through this same drill. I hoped they did, as opposed to... I slammed the lid on that train of thought.

"And this 'Padre' to whom you refer?" 'To whom I refer', fucking hell. Cormorant stared at me impassively while I racked my memory, looking like he could wait until the end of time. It took me a minute to remember Padre's actual name.

"Um... Sebastian Ibarra? I think? Father Sebastian Ibarra." Cormorant scribbled a note, motioned for me to continue. "Jackie and I were there to pick up a car that Padre had gotten worked on." The light stayed green mostly, though it flickered red when I said 'worked on'. This was the truth, though not all of it. The investigator coughed - a dry little sound, obviously artificial.

"Militech is aware of Mr. Ibarra's various business interests on both sides of the law, Mr. V. Are you aware of any concerns with the vehicle other than its likely illegal provenance?" I quickly denied any such concerns: green. Cormorant nodded once. "Please proceed with your narrative." With that, he made another notation in the file in front of him. I wondered if he was actually writing anything or if it was all just theater to make the interrogation seem more formal and process driven. This was far more civilized than the metal shards under the fingernails routine I would have gotten from Maelstrom or the Scavs, but I wasn't fooled for a moment into thinking it was any less dangerous.

"Uh... So, he asked us to go pick up the car, between two and three in the afternoon. He sent a cab for us and when we got in the cab, we confirmed with him that we were en route." I expected at least a look for using a fancy phrase like 'en route' but Cormorant didn't even look up. Bastard. "We arrived, checked in with a big guy at the front desk, he never gave us a name. Did a fake weapons check, ignored his wand." I figured I could throw that guy under the bus safely enough. "He called upstairs to Marco, the guy that ran the place, and..." Cormorant raised his hand again.

"This would be Marco Cavalho? The gentleman displayed on the screen behind me?" A picture flashed up on what had looked like a bare wall; this was no mug shot, but a professional headshot, like you would send with a resume or portfolio. Marco's preternaturally gorgeous face stared out at me impassively. I nodded.

"That's him. So, Jackie and I went up to see Marco. He and Jackie talked about garages for a few minutes since Jackie wants to own one someday and has worked in them before. Marco told the guy at the door to clear us for the car, we got it, we left, and drove to Padre's." I felt accomplished; the green light hadn't even flickered through the whole story. Everything I said had been one hundred percent true. I was expecting him to ask about the tail we dodged, which I wasn't looking forward to, but... nothing. Instead, Cormorant nodded, making notes; always with the notes.

"What were the specific subjects of the conversation between Mr. Welles and Mr. Cavalho?" I had to admit I didn't remember, something about lifts maybe? That was the beginning of the most exhausting interrogation I had ever experienced. Nothing even in movies could compare to the sheer mind-numbing tedium and horror of being asked the same questions over and over again, how did we arrive at Marco's office, how did Jackie know 'Escalero', no I didn't know his real name, trying to remember what had happened at moments where you weren't quite sure... it was awful. After fifteen minutes, they found out I had left the office and gone to the bathroom, so there were another fifteen minutes about my specific experiences there; I was as graphic as possible about taking a shit to avoid any suspicion of my real activities. I made sure to tell no lies, though; thankfully the fake burrito story didn't seem to have made it through the information chain. It didn't seem to occur to anyone that I might be a decker, either, or the whole jig would have been up. Even so, it was a good lesson that even fearing for your life can be tedious sometimes. About an hour in, when I was just starting to wonder if I was even remembering my own name correctly, Cormorant asked a new question. "At what point were you contacted by Arasaka?" Wait, what?

"I... I wasn't contacted by Arasaka at any point." Cormorant's eyes strayed over to the light, which stayed stubbornly green. For the first time he showed a trace of an emotion; he seemed disappointed.

"You worked for Arasaka for six years, correct?" Cormorant was looking at me with no expression like always, but I could feel the focus. I figured I might as well go for the gold. This was where I was either going to end up dead or not, and I had no idea which way to go, but...

"Yes," I answered, but continued speaking in a bid to cut off any additional questions. The green light was a tricky ally, but it was all I had at this point and if he kept digging I was going to screw up eventually. "I haven't spoken to anyone from Arasaka in any official or unofficial capacity in the past..." I counted quickly. "Four months. I have no desire to do so. I left under negative circumstances, and if I had not been abruptly terminated in employment, I might have been terminated physically because of internal politics. I have not and would not conduct any op or work for them. I hate those fuckers," I finally said in as blunt a fashion as I could. Through it all, the light stayed a shining green beacon. Agent Borg gave me a side eye and the hint of a smile, but Cormorant simply sighed, a short flat huff of a sound, but more of a reaction than anything else I'd said had received.

"Well." Cormorant sat for a moment, made another note, glanced up. "Tell me, then, Mr. V. Can you think of any reason why Arasaka would desire to destroy Flash Rides?"

"No," I said, and the light flickered a bit, despite staying green. Cormorant looked at it, then me, and Agent Gibson made a 'more or less' motion with one hand. Before Cormorant could speak, I went on quickly. "I mean, obviously, now that I know you had an interest there... it's the whole reason you dragged me here now, right?... if they knew Militech had a reason to want it to stay, yeah they'd have a reason to flatline the place." Green. Cormorant turned without a change of expression back to his notes but I was almost positive he was disappointed again. At least, I really hoped he was.

After a few last notes, Cormorant closed his folder and stood. "This concludes the session. Cease recording." Gibson disconnected his magic truth board and stored it away in a carrier clearly specifically designed just for it. When the bland little man looked up again, something had changed and he wasn't nearly as bland. Even though nothing was visibly different, he was somehow frightening, and I wasn't sure why. Something about the eyes. "Mr. V," he said, in that same flat, affectless voice, "Militech thanks you for your time. It seems that you are not in a position to help us any further with our investigation. I will leave you with Agent Gibson for your discharge process, since we have reached the end of our allotted time." Allotted time? What the fuck? Turning to Gibson, he said "Fifteen minutes," and walked away, closing the door behind himself. I had barely looked around when the giant cyborg was pulling me out of the chair.

"Sorry about this, my man," he said in a low voice, "but I'm about to fuck you up. Just biz." He hit me, hard, folding me around his metal fist. The next fifteen minutes passed very slowly and very, very painfully. He was professional, I'll give him that; no nut-punches, no face shots. Even with that, though, I'd had a fair number of ass kickings in my life, and this was one of the worst. I couldn't even fight back, because he got me in the solar plexus with the first hit, so all I could do was fight to breathe. I felt ribs break; I know one of my legs went as well. At one point I felt something hit me in the back of the head, leaving me dizzy and nauseous, and I know I threw up at least once on Gibson; hope it poisoned him. A slow trickle of blood was dripping down my back inside my shirt as someone half-carried me down the hall and threw me into the parking lot. I could barely stay conscious, but I fought to do so. I knew all too well that passing out in a parking lot, any parking lot, was a good way to end up dead on a scav's table. I refused to think of Jackie, forcing him from my mind every time he surfaced. That way lay more suffering than I was already in, and I was in plenty already. Hands grabbed me and all I could do was make noise. I figured that might be it, but I was vaguely surprised to recognize Flaco and some kid I'd seen around Padre's helping me into a car. Once I was in the seat, despite my best efforts to stay awake, darkness fell.

=

I drifted back to consciousness in a real medical bed. There was nobody in my field of vision, and I could tell by how badly everything hurt that I would be well served not to try to move. This wasn't my first such experience, though each time I always wondered (and sorta hoped) it would be the last. When you're in pain to a certain point, the world has a sort of dreamy quality, sort of like it does on some drugs and anesthetics. Your mind feels like it is swimming through soup, and each thought takes a long time to make sense of itself, if it does at all. I knew the voice I heard outside the hanging sheets of clear plasticene, though. "V... Vik?" I tried to say, though it came out as a sort of rough, scratchy cough. Immediately, Viktor Vektor appeared through the sheets like my guardian angel, shooting me up with a hypo of something that made almost all the pain pack itself up into a tiny razor edged ball and sit at the edge of my mind. Not gone; that would be too much to hope for as badly as I was damaged, but the pain was at least managed, which seemed like the sort of miracle that only an angel could produce.

"V, what have I told you about picking fights with the older kids in the schoolyard?" He was trying to smile and joke like normal, I'll give him that. His dark glasses masked some of it, but even with one of my eyes almost swollen shut I could recognize the look of deep concern on his face. When I didn't respond, he slipped a straw into my mouth and cool water came when I managed a little suction. Definitely an angel. "Don't try to talk; in fact, once we do some tests, I'm gonna knock you out again. Glad you woke up but your brain took a beating. Wanted to make sure the inside of your skull was doing okay before I sent you back to sleepytime, though... not that you use your brain for much." He slipped some sort of diagnostic widget into my skullport, looking at the readout screen in his hand.

"Fun..." I mumbled, then tried again. "Funny guy." My mouth felt like it had forgotten how to fit around my teeth, not sure whether from the beating or the drugs. He snorted, still looking at the readout with furrowed brows.

"Stop talking. Something... hmm." His fingers reached around my head, turning it as gently as possible to probe the back where whatever it was had hit me. The world swam around me, but on the other side of the room, maybe five feet away, I saw a figure in a bed similar to mine. The lights were dim enough that I couldn't see clearly, but I was hoping and willing it to be Jackie. Concern spasmed in my heart, though my body was helpless.

"Jack... Jackie..." I muttered, and Vik looked over at the other bed before looking back. Guess it was him.

"What about him? Oh, yeah, that's him over there," Vik said, shaking his head. "Did you two have a competition to see who could get the worst beatdown and survive? I think he won," he snorted. Looking at my face, he realized the humor wasn't coming through, and grimaced. "Sorry. My bedside manner is shit, you know that. You've got something..." he probed the wound again in the back of my head. "Doesn't show up on the scans, but there's a weird blip that I can't figure out on the reading. Might be a subcranial hematoma, but you're not responding right for one in that area, and this is..." He stopped. "Fuck. Okay. Who had you? Arasaka? Militech?" He cut himself off. "Nevermind. Pepe, get me a scalpel immediately; Flaco, call Padre, we're going to have to move them again, fuckin' assholes put a..." The world slid away again, and I went with it.

=

I was walking along a dirt road. This was a place I had never been before, but yet it was... eerily familiar. There was a wind whistling through the scrubby brush, manzanita leaves rattling and rustling as the wind blew through it. Dust devils danced for a bit in the road before dissolving, but it was peaceful enough. I was very unclear on how I got here, wherever 'here' was. I knew I knew this place, though. It occurred to me that I might be dreaming, but the road seemed so real, like anywhere out in the Badlands, that I wasn't sure. Besides, usually when I knew I was dreaming, it was a nightmare, and there was a lot more violence and dying people. As I walked, I went over a hill and saw a woman waiting by the side of the road. She was wearing a long dress and had a kind face, sort of bland, but she gave a sweet smile when she saw me, like she knew me. It was a kind, grandmotherly smile, and like the road, it was familiar. I didn't recognize her, but yet... She held out her hand towards me, like she wanted to lead me somewhere. I realized I probably was dreaming, but in the sort-of-logic of dreams that was enough. I took her hand and she smiled wider, walking off and leading me. Our hands swung between us like two children holding hands, carefree and joyful, though the eerie stillness of the desert all around and the wind were the only sounds.

As we walked, it began to darken almost like dusk but there was no sun, just a fading of the sourceless ambient dream light. I started seeing shapes off to the side of the road that looked like bodies, but I didn't look at them. It was gloomy and I chose to believe I was mistaken. I really didn't want it to be that sort of dream... that sort of nightmare, with bodies and screaming. The woman still smiled over at me, expression unchanging, and her mouth didn't move but I heard her speak. "Do you want to know?" Her voice matched her face, kind and maternal, but it was still a weird question.

"I don't understand," I answered. "Know what?" She didn't reply, just led me on by the hand. As we walked it became darker, and there were more shapes around us. They were clearly revealed to be bodies now, some dead a long time, some just recently, and there were all ages and types. Men, women, children, young, old, all just thrown here on the hillside. Some of the corpses were unmarked, others were practically ripped apart, but there was still no sound, no smell, no flies, just the endless wind whistling through low bushes and the heaped-up windrows of the dead. I pulled back, wanting to get my hand away from this woman, go somewhere, anywhere else, but the carefree hand-holding of the first steps on this journey was long gone. Now she had a grip like iron, dragging me along.

By now we were walking a narrow track through darkness, corpses piled up on either side of us. "Do you want to know?" she asked again. Her voice was harsher now, more insistent, like she was tired of asking the question.

"Know what?" I shouted in frustration. "Know who you are, where this is, why you won't let me go? Know what?" She didn't answer, just hauled me with her, cruel grasp tugging me along to somewhere I didn't want to be, or even see. Fear was choking me by now, thick in my throat. Our surroundings were pitch black and we were walking now in a tiny pool of light that moved with us. At this point, she was practically dragging me up a hill that seemed to consist mostly of a pile of corpses. I wanted to scream but all I could do was be dragged behind her; there was no doubt that if I fell she would either pull me bodily along like a mother with a toddler throwing a tantrum or (equally possible) just wrench my arm off. Her grip was like ice, but that sweet smile hadn't changed. Or moved. I was beginning to think it wasn't her face at all, but a mask.

" _Do you want to know?_ " This voice sounded inhuman, as horrifying as if it came from an open grave, the sort of terrifying sound I knew I'd never heard in my life. I was suddenly aware, as you are in dreams, that Jackie's corpse might be in the bodies somewhere and I didn't think I could stand to see that. Her question echoed around and around me, like it was vibrating in my bones.

"Yes!" I finally shouted, figuring that nothing but a yes or no answer would satisfy her, make her release my hand, stop the sound, stop this insanity. I really wanted to wake up. She stopped, dropping my hand, and turned to me. With a flourish, she reached up and pulled off her entire face, hair coming with it, leaving only a grinning red skull. She started growing larger and larger, far beyond human proportions, but I recognized the statue from Mama Welles' study.

" _Then know,_ " that awful voice said, and with that she picked me up and threw me into her open mouth. There was a moment of pitch blackness and I woke, screaming.

=

I wanted to scream, anyway; all I could manage was a broken whistling, groaning sound but it was enough for Vik to appear again. "Steady, V, calm down. Stop moving around," he murmured, not realizing that I was... oh. I lay still, gasping, heart racing, belatedly realizing that I wasn't actually in danger at all.

"I... thanks," I said, then stopped. My breath was still heaving, and my ribs hurt, but more of a dull ache and less of the all-consuming agony of before. Clearly Vik had been a busy 'doc indeed, since I could speak again without feeling like my mouth belonged to someone else. "I can talk." I finally said. He snorted, making a face.

"Yeah, Pepe and I both thought it was a bad idea fixing your mouth, but Padre insisted." He smiled, the tiny little smile that was the one thing to indicate when Viktor was truly happy. I didn't see it much. "You're actually recovering pretty damn well. Must have had a good 'doc," he said.

"How's Jackie?" I didn't mean to ask that right now, brain, but sure... go ahead without me. Images of him pushed into my mind, broken, bleeding, missing limbs, glassy stare... I fought my way back, forcing them away. No time for crazy now. 

Vik grimaced a little behind his dark glasses. "Coming along," he said. "You were both in shit shape, but he must have either pissed someone off more than you or the truck that hit him was bigger. When Pepe and Flaco brought you guys in he was pretty touch and go, but he's doing better now. You'll be up and around before him though... unless you do something stupid like ignore your ripperdoc." He jacked some diagnostic doo-dad into my skullport. "You okay? Seemed to be sleeping pretty rough when I came in. Bad dreams, I take it."

"They were... yeah," I mumbled. "Not fun." Describing that horror show as 'not fun' seemed almost laughable, but no way was I getting into it with Vik. I could still see that featureless bloody skull looming in front of me.

"Thanatropamine will do that, sometimes," he said, seeming focused on his tablet. "Your liver numbers are a lot better, femur has regrown completely, ribs stable... both now with a titanium lacing, I might add, so you don't have the same issues again... hemox good, ALT and AST levels dropping back into the normal range... Yeah, you're making a fast recovery." He perched on the edge of a cabinet, cutting his eyes over at me. "I even pulled the locator out of your scalp. Shouldn't have a scar, though your hair might be white in a patch... we will have to wait and see." He disconnected his cable, spooling it back into the device.

"Locator?" I must still be muzzy-headed, because nothing he was saying made any sense. "How long was I out?"

"Been about a day since you woke up in the other place. Real good progress for a day, too." He said, obviously ignoring the first question.

"Vik..." I said, giving him a searching look. "What locator?"

He looked a bit disturbed. "Yeah," he snorted. "Whoever beat the shit out of you left you a special present, tiny little transmitter/receiver with a poison capsule attached. Potent neurotoxin. If and when they decided you were out of line, they could kill you with the push of a button. Jackie had one too. Once we saw yours, we scanned him and sure enough, there it was. Because of them, we had to move you once I got the damn things out and sent away. Who _did_ you piss off?" A smooth, accented voice cut him off.

"That is not a medical question, _Señor_ Vektor," Padre said as he stepped into the room, dapper as always and pectoral cross catching the light. He was smiling, but I thought Vik would do well to listen. Apparently Vik did too, stepping out without another word. Padre turned to me and sat down, looking sad. "V. I would like to apologize. Again. I seem to be making a habit of apologizing to you, but I also seem to have made a habit of making your life very complicated indeed. It was never my desire to cause you any problems, but..." he shrugged, the gesture seeming to embody the futility of life in general, a feeling I was getting to know all too well.

"You saved my life too, Padre. I understand why you handed us over. Sometimes you just have to do things you don't like. And it's not like you could go head to head with Militech." He sighed and looked away. 

"You are wise beyond your years, V. Even so. You and Jackie deserve better than you got, some might say." He looked down and sighed, and I remembered my suspicions about Padre worrying about the reaction of Mama Welles. I could only imagine her reaction to being told of our condition, and if she thought he was responsible... Jackie and I might not have been the only ones in danger. "But even so, with God's help, here you are." He spread his hands. "I think I am getting a better picture of what happened at Flash Rides, and it was a perfect storm of assumptions, bad luck, and stupidity. Some of that was mine, but... it seems there was plenty to go around. There is no need to go into all the details, but I think it would be best for you and Jackie both if you were to not be in Heywood for a time. Until the ones who would prefer to have you silenced find other things to think about, at least." Not in Heywood? Where was he sending us now? If he thought we were going to go back and sit in that motel room for months...

"No offense, but I don't think that motel..." I started to say before he laughed, the first actual laugh I'd heard from him in a while. 

"No, of course not. The motel was a short-term solution. I have a more... elegant solution in mind, one which will allow me to settle some of the obligation I feel towards you for this whole unfortunate incident." I assumed he meant handing me over for torture and interrogation. "I have spoken with a colleague of mine in Watson. She assures me that there is an apartment available in one of the MegaHabs there, MH-10. Not exactly the Shorelight, but it is safe enough. There is also a safety to be had among crowds of God's children, which you will have there in abundance. Ops which seem reasonable against a small house in a Heywood neighborhood are not so reasonable against an apartment in a giant 'Hab with hundreds of witnesses, _comprende?_ " I nodded. So he was worried about Mama Welles; that was a worry we could agree on. The idea that anything might happen to her because of me was like a terrible thought, and Jackie... Jackie would never recover. Padre smiled, reached in his pocket, produced a keycard which he held up. "You asked me to find you a place to live not long ago, and I have done so. What is more, it seems I have forgotten to charge you a fee! Quite scandalous for a fixer, you will agree." He walked over to where my bag was sitting previously unnoticed and tucked the card into the side pocket. "Even more mysteriously, the deposit seems to have already been paid by a mysterious benefactor. I hope these mysteries won't prove too troubling." He smiled, and I realized Jackie had been right in the motel. Padre was a man of honor, though it was a code of honor that I wasn't raised in. He was honestly trying to do right by us, at probably considerable cost to himself, because he felt responsible. This right here was the difference between life in a corp and life on the streets; on the streets, your power was your rep, and this was the sort of gesture that showed you the heart of another.

"Thank you, Padre," I mumbled, feeling small. "You are too generous." He chuckled and shook his head.

"No," he said, a pensive sound to his voice. "No, I take care of my people, V. And in a situation where I have had to put them into a danger they did not accept or agree to... well, there are balances in the world. Such debts need to be paid." He stood. "But enough about that. Rest. Recover. Consider God's grace, and His mysteries." He paused at the door, glanced back inside. "Take care, V."

I hoped Vik would come back soon; I wanted to ask about Jackie, about getting up, about... well, about a lot of things. I hoped Jackie was alright. I supposed I would see soon enough.


	8. Chapter 8

Recovery was a long slow process. It took days before Jackie and I were able to get up and around properly, almost two weeks before we got to leave. Even then, being as we were constantly being watched and not in the most private of accommodations, we couldn't comfort each other like we wanted; there were a lot of sad, longing looks when we thought nobody was watching. The bruise across his nose was almost healed, but the replacement cyberwork on his nose and cheeks was still a shinier gold than I was used to; it was distracting when I kissed him, which I found myself doing often. Really often. The fear of losing him had been bad; not being able to explain that fear to anyone was worse. He told me once we got some time alone that it was the same for him, so we finally started to plan how to announce our 'status change' (as I called it) or our 'babehood' (as Jackie called it, smartass that he was). I suspected that Padre and Vik had both figured it out, but neither of them said anything. Some of the looks we got were suspect, though, especially when we were in the same room during recovery.

During his infrequent visits, I finally forced the story out of Padre in bits and snippets as to what had happened at Flash Rides... most of it, anyway. I suppose it was more honest to say that I pieced together the bits I got with things Jackie heard from the 'Tinos, things Mama Welles said Padre told her, and street gossip, but hey... the story fit together and even sort of made sense, which was a miracle in a place as fucked up as Night City. Turned out that as I had suspected, Flash Rides _had_ been a front for Militech for several months, though that still wasn't common knowledge. Arasaka was aware that Militech had moved in and I'm sure they had been wondering just what the fuck was going on in there since they saw munitions being delivered there and stockpiled, so the place was already on the red list. Since tracking shit like that was literally my former job, I could all too easily imagine the theorizing and low-grade panic going on in the Tower about Militech amassing a huge cache of weapons in the city, so that made sense. Abernathy was probably shitting herself, if she was still director. The general suspicion was that both the tracker in the car Jackie and I picked up and our tail weren't Militech at all, but Arasaka; they had put it in the car before the ride was ever delivered, trying to track what else might be going on. When we took the car, our tail apparently decided we were on our way somewhere interesting, which was most likely considered 'confirmed' by Padre's efficient cleanup of both the tracker and the tail. Militech probably worried that something was up when they saw a strange truck peel out after us. That's where things got fuzzy. Speculation was that they called a general meeting to either move the shit in the basement somewhere safer or who knows what, which probably triggered some additional Arasaka alarms if they had eyes in the place. To resolve the situation, Arasaka did... something... to detonate the stockpile. Nobody knew what 'something' was, which is why Militech was shitting their pants over the whole escapade (well, that and the loss of several tens of millions of eddies worth of tech, I'd imagine - fucking crater in someone's annual budget, that). That 'something' is why Jackie and I showed up on the radar at all. We had the misfortune of being in someone's already-filed report of the day's activities at the time of the blast. Due to most of the records being lost we were one of the few threads they could pull on. They knew Padre was involved, since we were listed as his reps, so they made him an offer he couldn't refuse. One of the never-explained bits was how he managed to extract a promise from a fucking megacorp to interrogate us and let us go rather than keep us indefinitely, but that was clearly the only reason we didn't end up dead in a landfill or sold to scavs for the cost of our tech and organs. As usual, zillions of eddies flowed back and forth over the whole shitpile disaster and all I got out of it was a massive ass-kicking and a new place to live. Just another day in NC, I guess.

When we arrived at MH-10 for the first time, I didn't know what to expect. Turned out there was nothing to expect; we showed up, went up to 9, the card opened the door, and we could see the place in all its glory (such as it was). The apartment was filthy. I didn't know a supposedly empty room could be so filthy. The previous tenant had apparently been a shitlord, one of those people who keeps every scrap of anything, and most of it had been thrown away but there was still a stench in the place and the cabinets and corners were still caked up with crud. The floor was stained, the 'net service was going to take at least a week to hook up, and the bathroom looked like something had been nesting in it. One thing was clear, though; Padre _did_ know we were more than friends, because there was only one bed in the place. We both looked at the bed nook, looked at each other and laughed helplessly. Still... one less awkward convo to manage. Jackie wanted to speculate on how, but I laughed at him. I mean, come on, I told him, Padre's a fixer. Knowing shit is their biz. He probably knew we were gonna get together before I did. He couldn't exactly argue, looking at the one bed.

When we first came in and saw the disastrous state of the room, Jackie and I looked at each other and just started cleaning with a word. As spoiled as he was by his mother, I wasn't expecting him to know much about cleaning, but the joke was on me; Mama Welles apparently taught him the full skill set, more than I knew by far. It was disgusting, but at the same time, it was nice to work on something that was actually ours. We got it about two thirds clean that first day, but the bathroom was going to have to wait until we could bring in some sort of heavy scrubber and the walk-in closet (soon to be a storage/weapons room) was still piled up with refuse. We both looked at it, looked at each other, and just decided 'not today'. We headed back to _la casa_ Welles and passed out, too tired to even fool around, though Jackie's warm body felt like a heating pad pressed to my sore back. 

When I crawled out of bed the next morning, Mama Welles acted startled to see me come into the kitchen. She had been more relaxed with me somehow since our little adventure with Militech, but I couldn't say that the same ease she had with me in the days before Jackie and I had started seeing each other had returned, either. It was just... different. At least she seemed to have given up any hope of getting us to sleep apart; that was something.

"You didn't stay in your new place, _mijo_?" She asked, arching one eyebrow at me as she filled the _cafetera_. Her tone was polite but didn't seem to contain a lot of surprise. I suspected she knew more than she was letting on, but I couldn't say what gave me that impression.

"No," I mumbled, still exhausted even after my night's sleep. Cleaning was hard work. "It was filthy. We cleaned all day, still have some to do." Her laugh was bright and silvery. Now I was sure. "You don't seem real surprised," I observed.

"No, _mijo_ , I am not," she said, still chuckling. "Padre told me he heard from the fixer in Watson that it was _llente de porquería_. I am sorry to laugh." She looked a lot of things, but 'sorry' wasn't on the list I would have chosen. She pulled out eggs and tortillas. " _Huevos?_ " I laughed and nodded, willing to be made fun of in exchange for proper food. One thing I already noticed about the apartment, it had no kitchen. I would miss this food for sure. A tiny cup of thick, strong coffee was set in front of me along with breakfast and I sighed in delight as I ate.

When Jackie finally got out of bed and dragged himself downstairs, Mama Welles and I were both treated to a real show. He was apparently sore from all our cleaning and carried on about it with more drama than an entire season of _Veinte Cuadros_ , whining about how bad his muscles hurt, how after the 'accident' nothing felt right (though I had doubts as to whether any of our comprehensive ass-kicking was accidental), on and on until even Mama Welles was low-key making fun of him. By the fourth or fifth time he complained about his back, she had already brought the menthol rub out and plunked it down by his plate, threatened to force him back to bed on a diet of only toast and Cirrus Cola, and made a big production of taking his temperature. Finally, she turned to me with her hands on her hips. "You see, V? This is what you will be putting up with if you live with my son. Consider carefully how much patience you have. Thirty years, he has, and still..." She waved a hand demonstratively, rolled her eyes, and left. Not for the first time, I realized that drama was a key component of the Welles family in general, not just my favorite member of it. That was apparently the final straw for Jackie and he went and sulked in front of the holoscreen, arms crossed and lip thrust out like a pouting toddler. I curled up next to him after Mama Welles had finally gone. As if to get in the _final_ final word, my phone bleeped with a text message that simply said " _Buena suerte, mijo_." Jackie's scowl deepened, though I had no idea how he could have possibly read it. That woman was malevolent, I thought, as I snuggled in against his side.

"Babe..." I whispered in his ear. "I think I'm too tired to work on the apartment today." He ignored me, still glaring at the screen as if it had offended him. I heard Ruth Dzeng on one of her morning-TV rants, something about Peralez' campaign and funding from NUSA militants, and I knew damn well he wasn't watching it; he couldn't stand Dzeng, told me so every time he saw her show even mentioned anywhere. "Parts of me are sore too, you know," I said, trying to catch his eye; nothing. Not a glance, not a huff. I see, I thought sourly. Alright. Two could play this game. I stood up abruptly, turned to go up the stairs. "Guess I'll go take a shower. I thought it would be nice to have some time alone together, but it's okay, I know you feel bad. Let me know if you need anything." I made it two steps before...

"Alone time?" I was learning the rules; I didn't even look around, just hummed a noncommittal noise and went up the steps. Slowly. I might have been flexing my ass... a little bit. We had traded the occasional blowjob since being out of Vik's care (including one rushed quickie in the clinic when we figured we were alone and unobserved that I still considered prime jerk-off material), but this was the first time we'd had a decent amount of time alone together and I was going to strangle him if he preferred to spend it sulking.

"No, don't worry, you sit and watch Ruth. Hope you feel better." I went on up the steps and into my bedroom, starting stripping. My door wasn't even closed before I heard feet on the stairs and laughed to myself. I heard the hiss of my door opening, but acted like I didn't, pulling my sleep shirt over my head and rubbing my chest where my ribs still occasionally twinged, then dropping my sweats and underwear at the same time. I took my time examining a mostly-healed stripe of flesh on my calf, flexing my leg and (completely coincidentally) making my ass stand out. I half-heard a hiss of breath and reached down, adjusted my balls, gave my cock a lazy stroke just to plump it a bit before I turned around. "Oh," I said, feigning surprise, "did you need something?" His eyes were fixed on my cock dangling in front of me, and I chuckled to myself. "See something you like?"

" _Chingada madre_ ," he said thickly, "you look so..." he trailed off and I looked at him, arching an eyebrow. I stepped towards him, getting so close that my cock brushed his hand. He slipped his fingers up and ran them down its length, which added to the plumping out effect nicely.

"So what?" I asked sweetly.

"Amazing," he muttered in a reverent tone that went through me like a knife. Horny Jackie was one of my favorite things, but loving Jackie was... I didn't even have a word for that. It called up a whole tangle of emotions in me to hear that tone in his voice; love, lust, affection, but also shame, anxiety and a sense of unworthiness, like it was something I didn't deserve. I bit my tongue on a dismissive response, tried to force my broken mind to focus on the good parts, and laid my hands on his muscular chest.

"You're pretty amazing yourself, babe," I replied, sliding my fingers along his pecs, tracing the 'ware under his shirt, pressing enough as I went over his ribs to hopefully be sensual instead of ticklish. He sighed and leaned into me, thick arms going around me. "What's my man in the mood for?" I asked with a half-smile.

"'My man'," he murmured. " _Querido_ , that's... _ay Dios_ , I like the sound of that. I like it a lot," he pressed his lips into my neck and I felt a spot of coldness as the gold flashing on the bridge of his nose touched my skin. The smell of Jackie surrounded me and made me relax like it always did, evaporating tension I didn't even know I was carrying until it was gone. He must have put the florida water on just before coming downstairs because it was strong, a heady sweetness over his natural musk. I clutched at him and pressed my nose into the base of his neck at his shoulder, inhaled deeply.

"Choose you, Jackie. Always, only you," I half-whispered back. He moaned and picked me up, carrying me effortlessly over to my bed and setting me down gently, huge hands groping a tiny bit as he pulled them out from under me, wicked little smile playing on his lips. God, yes. I watched as he pulled off his shirt, muscles rippling over that smooth, freckled body, massive shoulders flexing and releasing. He pulled his pants down and turned around to set them on the ground, showing me that round, muscular ass and I groaned without meaning to; god he just looked so _hot_. He looked back around, grinning, but kept his ass pointed at me.

"Guess you like what you see too, huh," he asked facetiously.

"Come here," I demanded. He turned and sauntered over to me, telling me by how he was moving that he knew damn well I was enjoying every moment of the view. His cock was hardening as he walked, sticking up and out as he slid onto the bed with me. It was my turn to manhandle him, I decided. I flipped him over, leaned down and bit hard on one of those perfect asscheeks, making him buck under me and make a little surprised grunt. His noises during sex always made me more excited, and this was no exception. This wasn't going to be a gentle, first-time rimming like he got the last time. I flipped him again, enjoying the brief glimpse of his face showing confusion before I threw his legs up in the air. Then I just dove in, parting those muscular cheeks and driving my tongue into him as he started moaning and howling under me. He muffled his face with a pillow but I could still hear him clearly and it was making me crazy. I bored in, grinding my face into him, just to hear him panting and whining. "This ass should be illegal," I growled, going back to it immediately.

"I want... I want... _please_ V..." he stuttered, looking just as wrecked as before, and I loved it, every fucking second of it. I'd give him my internal organs if he begged me for them in that voice, and he had to know it. Just knowing that I could make him look like that made me feel like my veins were full of glitter and fire. I bent forward, licked a finger in front of him and then slid it into him, felt him clench tight around it. "Agh!... _que_..." he shivered a little underneath me and the warmth of him made my cock drool against my leg. God I wanted to be inside him, but I suspected he still wasn't ready to give that up. I licked along the join where my finger penetrated him, sliding it further in, out, in, then back and forth, making him buck on my bed like he was being electrocuted. "V... _V_... I... I don't... holy shit..." I felt him surge upwards and knew I'd found his prostate. " _Hijoeputa, como es_...?!" A torrent of groans and filthy Spanish poured out of him as I finger fucked him while I rimmed him, grinding the pad of my finger into his prostate and watching as his cock drooled precome nonstop onto his stomach where it lay. I let his legs flop to the sides, but left my finger in him. I was desperate to feel this much, at least. No sooner were my lips around his hardness than he started moaning deep in his belly, a sound I knew well. Almost immediately, my mouth was flooded with come and his ass was pulsing around my finger. He always produced a lot but this was excessive even for him; it seemed that direct prostate stimulation worked its usual magic. I could feel the muscular bulb inside throb with each spurt and it made my nerves itch with how bad I wanted to have my cock in him, but... he finished and stared at me with that half-dazed, wondering look that was like a fist to my heart.

I muscled his legs together and ran my hand through the precome on his stomach, slicking my rod with it along with my own flow. When I leaned forward, sliding it between his thighs, his eyes got wide. "This okay?" I asked and he sighed, nodded, clenched his legs to make it tighter.

"Better than okay," he said softly. "I..." he cut himself off. "Yeah." His arms went around me, loosely, holding me while I fucked into the crease between those massive thighs. His quads felt like steel, just enough give to let me in and it was amazing, tight and warm. With his face pressed against my shoulder, I felt his breath on my ear as he whispered sex in my ear. "Yeah, V, show me how you fuck... come on, _querido_ , give it to me..." His filthy mouth was killing me. I could feel the tension mounting, base of my spine tensing, thighs bunching up as I tried to defy physics and fuck deeper into a space I was already in to the maximum extent possible. "You fuck so good with that giant dick, _mi corazón_ , fill me up, slam it in me, come for me..." That was it. I groaned loud and shot what felt like gallons between his legs, so worked up that my head felt light and sparkly as I came.

"Jackie, that's dangerous talk, babe..." I laughed softly, shaking my head, trying to get my breath back. He was grinning up at me, eyes glowing. "Your mouth is a lethal weapon." He laughed and looked away smirking, obviously pleased, and my heart thumped. I ran my hand along the stubble on the side of his head, cupping it, feeling the cool silver lump of his skullport against my thumb. "You're so fucking gorgeous, god I don't know how I got so lucky but I'm glad I did." He looked back at me and fuck, those eyes were like pools of everything I ever wanted.

"I'm glad you did too, _querido_ ," he replied. "What the fuck was that, anyway? Is that the reason some people like it in the ass? You hit something in there, like I never..." he shook his head, at a loss for words. "I thought I was gonna come with no touch, that was wild." Just like that, the moment shifted and I was free of the urge to say things it was still too soon to say, but I knew that wasn't going to last forever. Jackie was a drug, one I was rapidly becoming completely dependent on. 

"That, dear Jackie, was your prostate, and yeah... that's why some people, as you put it, like it in the ass," I laughed at him as he scoffed and looked away, watching the corners of his mouth fight not to grin. "And one of these days..." I said, leaning over and staring into his eyes without completing the sentence.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Yeah, _querido_ , I know." He looked a little uncomfortable, but I didn't think I was lying to myself when I thought he looked a little intrigued too. I hoped so. I know I told him I didn't expect anything other than to be with him, and that was true, but there was a world of difference between _expect_ and _want_. I _wanted_ to be inside him with a white-hot flame in my gut and mind, wanted it so bad I could feel it in my spine, in the marrow of my bones. I licked my lips, still tasting him salty-bitter on them and then did it again, feeling his knowing eyes on me as I did it and reveling in it.

"If and when that day comes," I said, leaning forward and sucking his earlobe into my mouth for a moment just to hear him hiss, then kissing my way up the side of his face, "you're going to tell me you're ready. Because it's up to you, babe. Always. And once I hear that, I'm going to take my time with you, babe, I'm going to open you up so good, I'm going to lick you until you can't take any more, I'm gonna use my fingers and my tongue and everything else to get you ready, and then..." I kissed him deeply, thrusting my tongue into his mouth over and over like I was fucking it. When I pulled back his lips were red and slack, eyes dilated almost black. "Then I'm gonna make you scream my name."

"I... god _damn_ , V." He inhaled shakily. "Yeah. Yeah, okay." He huffed a breath, shifted a bit, looked away, and I watched his hand unconsciously go to his dick, touch it, and knew he was feeling excited in his mind even if his body didn't immediately want to go again. He turned back to me, caught my eye, and smiled a tiny, soft smile, innocent and sensual at the same time. "Yeah," he whispered, and kissed me with just a tiny, soft brush of his lips and I was lost. I was so helplessly swept up in this man it wasn't even comprehensible to me. I didn't remember ever feeling like this about anyone, and it was terrifying and exhilarating and wonderful and horrible, all at the same time.

The rest of the day rumbled along, noteworthy only for its lack of excitement. We both needed a decompression day, it seemed, so we spent time laying around, watching bad TV, went out for PieZ, hit the gym for approximately fifteen minutes before looking at each other and saying 'fuck it' and going back home to watch more bad TV. That night we went to bed feeling rested and promised to hit the apartment the next morning bright and early. When we woke up and ate breakfast, we got in the car and headed back to Watson. 

We stopped at a rental place to get a floor scrubber unit, throwing it in the backseat along with the hoses and tanks of gunk that had to be loaded into it, then hauled all that junk up to the 9th floor. By midmorning, I had cleaned out the closet and Jackie was making good progress on the bathroom. Miracle of miracles, the door chimed and when I opened it, it was the 'net guy to hook up the connection. Once he left, we could play the radio and turn on the holo, connect the junky piece-of-shit terminal that came in the space (which I swore I would replace as soon as possible before T-Bug heard about it, she'd never let me live it down). By early afternoon, we were hungry but the whole place had been cleaned front to back and it was ready for us to move in. We made a trip to get some stuff and I was ready to spend the night that night in the new space, but Jackie seemed ambivalent.

"So..." I inhaled, trying not to be hurt. Get a grip, V. "I guess I'll stay here and you can... come back when you're ready." He looked down, shuffling his feet.

"I don't... it's hard, _querido_. I've never lived anywhere but there, and I worry about _mamá_." Of course, he could have told me this at any point before the moment of moving in, but... no, not helping. "I'll come back with my stuff tomorrow, _mi corazón_ , and then we will be here together. I just..." he sighed. "I don't know why, but it feels important to me. I feel like I need to say goodbye to my room, to the house... and _mamá_ , to tell her goodbye properly myself. Okay?" I forced myself to smile, nodded. He was right, and I could spend a night alone.

"Of course it's okay, Jackie." I started unpacking some of my clothes, just to have something to do with my hands. "Just call me when you get home so I know you're okay. Hey, maybe tomorrow we can go get some more furniture too. We need a rug and a couch, maybe a coffee table... we've got stuff to sit around the place but nothing for it to sit on. Give your mom my best, and tell her I'll see her soon." I turned around directly into a set of arms. I was startled enough to drop the clothes, and had time to think 'fuck, I always forget how quiet he can be when he wants to' before he was wrapped around me.

"Thank you." He kissed me gently and I sighed, feeling silly as I folded myself more tightly into him, inhaling his scent. I knew I was being crazy, that it was ridiculous of me to want him to stay even though he never got a chance to say a proper goodbye to his mother, needed to get a bunch more stuff, all the reasons in the world why he needed to drive back to Heywood. Still. Still. I had to force myself to smile and nod, act like everything was fine, tell him to be careful driving home (I knew he would, Jackie drove like an old man)... when he kissed me one last time and stepped outside, the door hissed shut behind him, I fought down the urge to cry. Alright, I thought, you lived alone for twenty seven years, you've been with him for a little over a month, it's not like this is unknown territory.

After only an hour alone in that empty place, I went out to see the building and the neighborhood. There were a bunch of food stalls downstairs, some of them looked better than others. Funny enough, there was a gym and boxing ring a floor down, along with a Second Amendment franchise run by some big dude from the Free States named Wilson. We shot the shit for a bit about guns, though really Jackie was the gun nut of the two of us. By the time I left, he seemed to consider me a long-lost friend and I didn't feel quite so alone. Halfway through the convo, I got a text saying _'Estoy aquí'_ which was my boyfriend's uniquely useless way of telling me he was home; I laughed anyway. The apartment was only about ten or twelve blocks from Vik's clinic and I thought for a moment about walking over, but I didn't want to go without Jackie. I finally got some street tacos from a stall and went back up to the apartment. Eating tacos on the floor, watching the holo was a hell of a first evening; I laughed at myself numerous times. Missing Jackie had stopped being sad and started being funny, I was so ridiculous with it. I started laughing at myself every time I caught myself thinking about him, but it just made a bad situation more bearable.

That night as I lay in bed, I tossed and turned, missing that warmth and stabilizing shape behind me. I finally drifted off but found myself in a car with Jackie. It looked like a limo of some sort, posh, and Jackie was wearing a suit even more flash than the one he had worn on our date. I barely had time to notice how he looked though because I realized he was covered in blood. He looked groggy, out of it, one hand pressed to his gut where I could see blood pouring out into his white shirt, glistening on the charcoal grey fabric of his suit. "No, no, no" I kept saying, but he was whispering something I couldn't make out. "Stay with me, Jackie, stay with me," I shouted, but he just gave a sigh and his eyes went blank and I woke up screaming. I almost called him at 3 in the morning, just to make sure he was alive. Just a dream, I told myself. Just a dream. Visions of the bloody skull from the hospital danced in my mind along with dying Jackie, whirling in circles, my own voice yelling _'stay with me'_ combining with that terrifying _'then know'_ to make a screaming sound in my mind that wouldn't go away. Just another fucking nightmare, you're used to this, V, you're fucked up, it's okay, it was just a dream. No matter what I told myself, though, it didn't help. I finally got up and huddled in the corner of the clean floor, wrapping the quilt from the bed around myself and watching old movies until the windows lightened with the first rays of dawn.


	9. Chapter 9

The door slid open and Jackie stepped through, grinning. "Good morning, _querido_ , could you..." He took in the sight of me sitting wrapped in a quilt in the corner, still surrounded by plasfilm taco wrappers, stopped. "V?" I thought I was better, I had gotten up and showered, puttered around in the empty space, and just sat back down for a minute and put the blanket on because I was chilled. The sight of him brought it all back, though, the nightmare of watching him die in front of me was too fucking real. "You okay?" He stepped closer quickly and quietly, head cocked and I felt tears running down my face. Not good, V, not good at all.

"Yeah," I choked out, denying everything going on in my head with one word. "Yeah, it's, uh, good to see you." I stood up, throwing off the blanket, and went to give him a hug, ignored the look of deep concern on his face.

"Wanna tell me what this is about?" he murmured, holding me tight. This was what I had needed, though; I could feel his pulse throbbing in his neck, smell him, feel him warm and alive against me. Just like that, my mind flipped on a dime, problems seeming to sort themselves out, worries folding themselves back into whatever corners they hid in when not bugging the shit out of me.

"I had a really bad dream," I said, feeling silly. "It sounds stupid, but... you were dying in my arms and it scared the fuck out of me." I laughed self-consciously. "I almost called you at 3 in the morning just to make sure you answered. It fucked me up, apparently more than I realized. Sorry, babe." He didn't look as dismissive as I had expected, just nodded with a pensive look.

"Dreams can be like that. Huh," he looked away. " _Mi madre_ always kept track of our dreams, me and _mis hermanos_. Dreams can be important. Let me know if you have any more of them, okay?" Surprised, I nodded.

"Sure, I mean... yeah, okay." And with that, like it had never happened, we went on with a normal day. We brought up his stuff from the car, most of it, then made another trip back to Heywood together to get one more collection of bits and pieces. We went back out to a local furniture store and found a sectional couch and coffee table certified to fit in our Hab model... it was all weirdly domestic and not at all what I was used to. It seemed like I was forgetting something, and the nagging feeling lasted until we were almost home. "Fuck," I said as we were walking. "Jackie, we gotta stop at a store that sells decent liquor, not the corner bodega shit." He gave me a look, but shrugged and found one. I got a nice bottle of sake in a box. "Okay, hold this and gimme a sec." I punched up a number on my screen, staring at the snake symbol in the display and hoping she was free.

"V, what a pleasure. How's biz?" The creaky voice of Wakako Okada was welcome; so she was still answering our calls, even though it had been a while. Good to know. "I was about to call you boys, and you have saved me the trouble."

"Oh yeah?" I said, smiling. "No matter how busy we are, we've always got time to help the Lady of Westbrook Estates." Her chuckle was semi-sincere, which was about as good as I was going to get. "I had a favor to ask you too, so maybe we can help each other out." I had the sense that I could hear her attention sharpen, definitely a creepy feeling.

"Oh?" was all she said, but there was a lot packed into that syllable. I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, so... Jackie and me had to relocate for a bit. I'm living in a 'Hab in Claw territory. I know you have... connections," because saying something stupid like 'I know you're on the Tyger council' was a good way to end up at the bottom of the ocean. "Any introductions you could make to smooth the path for us, keep us chill with the local chooms would be appreciated."

"Ohh," she said, sounding delighted. Now I was a little unnerved. "Of course, of course, I'd be happy to help you. Give me your address," and when I did so, she grunted. "The one you wish to speak to is named Tetsuo. He is in the Kabuki Market most evenings. When you go to see him, text me and I will call him and, as you say, smooth your path." She chuckled. "But be aware... he is very, hmm, let's call it _traditional_."

I looked down at the receipt for the sake. "Already got a bottle of Dragon Blossom for him." Her chuckle was real this time, deep and rough. I didn't get to hear it often, and took it as the compliment I was sure it was intended to be.

"This is why you are so good to know, V; you are not only intelligent, but clever. Now, I have something you could help me with as well." I leaned back against a wall, ignoring Jackie who was making faces at me to see if he could break my concentration. He was such a kid sometimes.

"Always glad to help, give me the deets." She spun me a tale of woe so pitch-perfect it had to be a set piece. I would never know the real story, and that was fine. She needed me to steal a data shard from a guy's apartment, super hush-hush and on the low-low. No noise, no tripped security systems, nothing. Like a ghost, in and out. I agreed and hung up, only to see Jackie glowering at his feet.

"Had a job for us? From your side it sounded like a lot of your type work, didn't sound like much for me to do," he said, and I sighed. He was right, of course; Jackie (for all his skill at stealth occasionally) was not the guy you sent for a quiet in-and-out like this. We bantered a bit as we walked back to the 'Hab, but it was clear he felt left out.

"You don't even _like_ to klep shit," I said for the fourth time as we went back inside. The late afternoon sun was shining directly in the windows, heating the place up; I made a mental note to get some shades or, if I came into enough eddies, to get the window polarized. It probably had been polarized when this place was first built but that was a long time ago. The clim-con was straining to cool the place down. "Fuck, hot in here. What say we take our little package here, wander down to the Kabuki Market, get some food, and see if we can't find our boy Tetsuo."

We found Tetsuo, and any damage to his ego that was done by Wakako's call right in the middle of our meet to call him on the carpet was fixed by the gift of good sake and me giving him face. He looked at it, looked at me, and picked it up off the table in front of him, passed it to one of his chooms. I knew when he accepted it that we were cool, but I ended up having to explain to Jackie on the way back. "But I don't get it," he said as we climbed into the elevator. "So he told you we were chill by taking the sake, but he didn't give us none of it? That doesn't make any sense."

"No," I grinned, "and I wouldn't have drunk it with him anyway. If we're sharing drinks, it means we were willing to do biz for him, and I don't want to be that close with the local Claws. That's shitting where we eat... or in this case, live. He needs to think of us as Wakako's pets, to be kept safe and ignored otherwise, not as people for him to call on. We also don't want other people to think we somehow give a shit if he lives or dies." Jackie shook his head, clearly befuddled.

"See, this right here is why you're outta my league, _hermano_ ," he said with a frown. "You know all this protocol shit, fuck if I know how. I'm just some gonk from Heywood, but you should be..." I cut him off right there, wrapping myself around him in the elevator.

"You deserve way better than me, I told you that," was all I said, then laid a kiss on him as hard as I could. I might have gotten a little carried away, or maybe I misjudged the speed of the elevator, but when the doors opened in front of Second Amendment we were still into it. The catcalls from passing folks quickly pushed us apart. He was embarrassed, I was emphatically not. Jackie might have been blushing a bit but I just put my shoulders back, head high, and strolled out into the breezeway. He glanced over at me and grinned as I mouthed 'Fuck 'em'. He guided me in the door with his hand in the small of my back and it was all I could do not to turn and grab him in the doorway. The sun was down now, and the room was a lot more reasonable in temperature. Jackie came in behind me and I didn't realize how close until I felt a hand on my ass.

"Um," he said with typical Jackie eloquence. I turned around and my face must have been a picture because he immediately jumped back. I couldn't help it; I laughed in his face.

"May I help you?" I teased, stepping forward again into his space. "Is there a problem?" I fake-growled and he laughed but held his hands up in surrender. I immediately grabbed one of them and moved it back to my ass. "Now, that's better," I said, smiling as his massive fingers cupped my ass cheek. "You were saying?"

" _Uyy_ ," he huffed. "I just... you said... when we were in the motel, I mean..." he was bright red by now, freckles standing out like stars against a glowing red map. I realized that Jackie was asking me if he could fuck me again. This was also the first time he had begun anything with me himself beyond a kiss. Oh hell yes.

"Are you asking if you can fuck me?" I asked, pushing myself up against him. He swallowed visibly and sort of half-nodded. "Of course, babe... why so nervous?" I leaned in and kissed him, hard, pressing myself against him to feel the hardness in his pants through his jeans. "You can have anything you want. I told you that and I meant it." I leaned into him, pressing my lips against his ear, nibbling at his earlobe before whispering "Tell me your fantasies. Every filthy little thing. Let me give them to you." I worried that he was close to being overwhelmed, but he seemed game enough, grabbing my ass with both hands and rutting against me, biting my neck and probably marking me. Just the thought of it made my own cock jump in my pants. A thought struck me. "Jackie..." He pulled back and looked at me, worried, like I was suddenly going to change my mind. I laughed; what else could I do? Just the thought of changing my mind about him at this point was so ridiculous... but still. "You said you screened some BDs of men fooling around... tell me about those."

"Oh shit," he giggled, sounding like I'd caught him doing something naughty instead of us being in our own place about to fuck. "You weren't supposed to remember me sayin' that."

"I listen to you, babe. I hear everything you say. I even hear some things you don't say." I grabbed his ass and relished his jump. "At least not yet." He grinned and ducked his head, looking at me through his lashes.

"Yeah," he sighed, and I knew to leave it alone for a bit. I hadn't meant to but it seemed I had chilled the mood a bit with my question. Jackie grabbed a Broseph and pulled me over to the bed, since the couch hadn't been delivered yet. "Kinda related, really. So, those BDs... it was really just one, mainly. I looked at part of another one, but..." I didn't know what was in it, but it was obvious from his expression that it wasn't good. I wanted to find out at some point to make sure I didn't do whatever-it-was but now was not the time. He turned back, game to go on, and I was pleased to see him smile again. "The one I liked, it was two guys, one skinny and sorta soft and one muscular dude with lots of tats. The muscular dude was doing the recording, so I was him. The clip opened with them kissing and it was, the skinny guy had some sort of metal thing in his tongue and it was... kinda gross, really. I didn't like how it clacked on my teeth. His teeth. You know what I mean." He looked a little embarrassed. "That's why when you kissed me I was so surprised, that first night, because... it was nothing like that. It was fuckin' hot." He took a sip of his beer and I leaned over and kissed him, tasting it in his mouth. He smiled so hard it ruined the kiss and I sat back, grinning myself. "So then the skinny guy started blowing him and it was good... like, real good. And I thought yeah, I think this seems pretty fuckin' enjoyable for something I'm not supposed to like, you know? And the muscle guy blew the other guy for a while and that was, I dunno, I didn't not like it? It wasn't great but it wasn't bad, it was just, I dunno, a thing I guess. I was surprised how much I liked... suckin' your cock." He whispered it again, like he was a little kid telling dirty secrets to someone. " I guess doin' some things is better in person. Then he fucked the skinny guy and it felt amazing; I could never last very long without coming when I got to that part."

"BDs are strange," I said, leaning against him while I played with his shirt. "I never had good luck with them, the experience of being someone else was always disorienting for me. Looking down and seeing a cock that wasn't mine, feeling it, was..." I shrugged and Jackie laughed.

"With that fuckin' piece you got, I'm not surprised. You look down, even at a porn star, and think 'what's with this little _pingita_ , where's _mi vergón_?" I snorted; Jackie really did seem to think my cock was bigger than it was. I was big, I knew, but he always made out like I was some sort of freak. He put one hand tentatively on my thigh, slid it upwards. I suddenly wondered if it was my size that was the issue.

"Jackie..." He glanced over at me, only half paying attention as he cupped my balls through my pants. Those pants are going to have to come off soon, I thought distractedly. Want that hand on my skin. Focus, V. "You know I won't just slam it in, right?" He blinked at me. I didn't even know how to approach this subject. "I may be big but that doesn't mean it's gonna hurt for my partner. Shit, if it did, I wouldn't ever fuck anyone, and they sure as hell wouldn't come back for more..." He got a look on his face that told me everything I needed to know. "Okay, we're going to talk about this some time when you aren't about to fuck me into next week." I grinned as he looked surprised, like I was going to forget. "But right now..." I fought with his belt buckle (god I hated that fuckin' thing) before finally wrestling it open, getting his pants down. His cock was in that state where it couldn't decide whether it was hard or not, stiff but floppy, and I put the whole thing in my mouth, which definitely solved the stiffness question. Once we were both naked, I saw my chance. "Okay, look," I said, leaning over and pressing our rods together. "See that?" I used my fingers to mark out how much wider I was, barely a centimeter. Jackie raised an eyebrow, giving me a 'what the fuck' look. I moved my hand to the end, measuring how much longer I was, maybe 3 or 4 centimeters. "Not a lot, is it? Is that the difference between feeling amazing and hurting? Because this," I stroked his cock and he whined, hunched a little into my hand, "feels amazing." He grinned suddenly. I suspected the message had been received, but by now I was on a mission and didn't have any more time to devote to things that didn't involve him being inside me. That was the start of a very satisfying night. He fucked me twice, another first for me, and the second time I was riding him, sitting over him and feeling him jackhammer into me... I had never been the output so much in my life, but since it was Jackie it was better than good. Even the soreness was worth it.

Late that night, lying in bed exhausted side by side, Jackie's hair down and spread over us in the bed, I was half-asleep and warm, sated... I didn't remember ever feeling like this before Jackie. I looked down at him lying with his head pillowed on my arm, pressed a kiss into the side of his forehead. "Mm," he grunted sleepily, " _te 'mo_ ," he slurred... and then he was asleep. Me? I was wide fucking awake, awake like I had just been stuck my hand in a circuit panel and been blown across the room. Did he really... Maybe I didn't hear... I was tempted to wake him up just to make him repeat himself. At that moment, my brain unfroze enough to recognize that I was being crazy again and so I just lay there, mind roiling, waiting for sleep. It took a long time coming. Love you too, Jackie, I thought over and over. More than I probably should.

Of course I had the fucking dream again. It was the same, disturbingly so, right down to the blood on the white shirt and seeing it shining against the dark fabric of his expensive suit. "Stay with me," I was still screaming in my mind as I woke up, this time with Jackie's warmth wrapped around me. I muffled my tears, burying my face in his neck and just letting the smell of him calm me down. He jerked awake at the wetness, fumbling to put his arms around me.

"'S okay, _querido_ ," he mumbled. "Go 'sleep." His lips moved in the short bristles just above my ear, warm breath huffing out onto the back of my head. He was alive, I was awake, it was fine. Fine. I just lay in the almost-dark room, lights from the city flickering on the ceiling through the window, and focused on breathing. I had seen a lot of people die, in my short but fucked up life. Killed more than a few of them myself, in fact. When I got taken away from my mother (who I didn't even remember at this point, fucked up as that was) I went into a social services 'school' for testing - basically a clearing house for unwanted kids. Lucky for me, I tested high-proficiency in a number of skills, so I got tracked into the pre-corp program, meaning I got food, regular baths, and a good education. The same wild side that got me placed in Counter-Intel was why I met Jackie; I snuck out into the city to see 'real life', not realizing how dangerous it was to innocent young men from pretty sheltered schools. Jackie turned up and protected me because of a sense of honor, but after only a few minutes of chatting we ended up... I would have said friends for life, but what I felt for him now was as far beyond friendship as the Moon was beyond the end of the block. When Arasaka sent me into the field, I had to toughen up, and do it quick. I did, too. I knew Jackie had killed people by then but my first was a random guard in a hidden Kang Tao lab facility. He caught me, I popped him quick and quiet like they taught us, hid the body, got the info, left like a ghost. It wasn't until I got debriefed and sent back to my quarters that I cried, but that fucking guard's face still had prime billing in my nightmares. He was just the first; I was good at my job, and part of my job was being efficient. Sometimes guards decided to be a little too good at their job, sometimes people didn't feel like coming quietly, but my kill count was the same as a soldier's by the time I got zeroed from Arasaka. In all that time, even that first guard, nothing had bothered me as much as these dreams. Seeing Jackie bleed out in my arms was worse than I thought dying might be. I didn't believe in dreams like Mama Welles apparently did, that they had some sort of mystical meaning, but... two nights in a row was a bit much.

The next day I felt like shit, and my mirror assured me I looked worse. Jackie gave me a funny look when I told him I had had the same nightmare, but I didn't want to have a long talk about it. Bad enough to go through it without talking it to death. Instead I threw myself into prepping for Wakako's little errand, while Jackie went out and explored the building. I recommended that he visit the Second Amendment place and that Wilson dude, figuring he would have fun there, but he seemed to still be a little put out that there wasn't a role for him on this gig. The target's name was Galúsz, from somewhere in the middle of Europe; Wakako's spin was that the guy had been cheating on his wife and kept proof on a data shard but I suspected strongly that this was corp-work, some sort of espionage. Not that I cared, but I felt vaguely insulted to be given such a dumb cover story, especially given that I was ex-corp myself. Still, I owed her one for the hookup with the local Claws, so... off to work I went. I headed to the building on the NC Metro, passing as any other gonk with somewhere else to be. Some of my 'Saka implants weren't even close to street-legal, but they'd supposedly been turned off when I was zeroed. Vik and I had figured out how to turn some of the more fun ones back on, so I was able to leap the ten feet up to the fire escape and land silently. From there it was so easy it was barely worth calling biz; sleazing through the guy's security systems, subverting the cams and watch-drone, putting the turret into a deep sleep, setting up a cam-loop to show empty space as I wandered through... like stealing from a baby. The cover story didn't even pretend to hold up once I got inside; the place was wall-to-wall IEC logos. I suspected that the apartment itself was just a way station for IEC to put visiting VIPs. No matter, though. I klepped the shard, imaged the IEC-branded papers all laying out on top of the desk in case Wakako wanted to pay extra, admired a prototype pistol lying in plain view which was almost certainly some sort of trap without even breathing near it, and then left the way I had come. In and out. The trickiest part of all of it was cleaning up after myself and returning all the gadgets back to normal. No sooner had the shard registered in the drop-loc than my phone was ringing. My reward was a pat on the head from Wakako, a few kind words and a good start on the next month's rent plus some... not shabby at all. Part of that money was extra; she had been very appreciative for the extra intel from the desk. I went back to the apartment happy, but came back to an empty place. It was hot again, so I suspected I knew why Jackie had left, but I sent him a text anyway asking where he was. He came back raving about the range at Second A, and I took him out to dinner at El Cangrejo Loco to celebrate my newly flush bank account.

The next two weeks slid by somehow. We got some blinds put up to block the late-afternoon heatwave, the furniture was delivered, and the space slowly came to seem like home and not just a place we were staying like a motel. Jackie was very pleased when we started getting jobs from Regina, the fixer Padre had arranged the apartment with, and she (together with Wakako and Padre) kept us in biz and eddies enough to live a little, though the rent on the place was ruinous considering how small it was and the garage fees made us question whether we really needed to own a car (invariably the answer was yes, but those fees were _high_ ). We got to hang out with Mama Welles twice, once at home one morning after we spent the night in our old rooms (well, Jackie's old room) and once in the early afternoon at El Coyote, hanging around and shooting the shit with her while she sorted out the liquor storage room. Jackie didn't repeat his midnight declaration again and I didn't ask, though not asking was wearing on me terribly. Still, I knew it would come, or I would say it... nothing made me worry on that front other than my own craziness, and I knew that well enough to recognize it by now. The only fly in the ointment was that fucking dream. At least twice a week, I would have it. Sitting in that limo, him bleeding out on me, over and over. Sometimes it would start differently, we were in some sort of palace or fancy hotel, or we were sneaking around through enemies, but always, always it ended the same, with him dead and me emotionally destroyed. By the end of the second week, and what was the seventh or eighth repetition of the dream, Jackie had had enough.

"Come on," he said, waving me towards the door. I was barely awake and struggled to focus, let alone figure out how to put my shoes on.

"Where are we going?" I said. "Breakfast? Just lemme get myself together, babe," He shook his head, lips tight and serious.

"No, come on, V. You had that fuckin' _sueño_ again, I heard you yellin' in the night. _Ya vamos a mi madre_ ," and that was all he would say until we were driving on the road to Heywood, me staring out the window in confusion, not sure how I had ended up here. "I told you," he said suddenly, apropos of nothing, "dreams can be important. Maybe it's nothing, but maybe... I dunno, maybe something's gonna happen to me. _Mamá_ might know, or she might send you to see someone but... you got me scared, now. I want to know myself. And V," he cut his eyes over at me, "it's buggin' the shit out of you. I can tell, and I hate seeing you upset like this. It tears out my heart, _querido_." I wanted to argue, but he was right; it was bugging the shit out of me. I hated that fucking dream, hated that I was powerless to stop it, that my mind could do something like that to me and I couldn't control it. He called and told his mother we were coming while I sat and listened to his side of it, unsure how I felt about any of this.

I was still unsure as we pulled up, but it didn't look like how I felt about it was going to matter. Jackie bundled me into the house like a man bundling his pregnant wife into the hospital mid-contraction, practically heaving me through the door. I glared back at him, but stepped into the kitchen to the smell of eggs, beans, tortillas and coffee and almost wept. God I missed these breakfasts; coming in to food like this almost made this trip seem reasonable. Within seconds, Mama Welles was hugging me tightly and we sat to eat. The conversation, far from the interrogation I had feared, was normal and pleasant as we ate, and it almost seemed like a social visit until the food was done, I had gathered up the plates and taken them to the sink and Mama looked at me. I knew that look. "So, V," she said softly. "Tell me of these _sueños malos_." 

I told her with surprisingly little problem, considering how miserable they were when I was having them. Even the prospect that she might be able to help was worth it, by that point. She listened closely, nodding and biting her lip as I described the changing parts, then the one constant piece, Jackie dying, always the same. I hated to describe it because I knew I was telling her one of her own worst fears, not just mine. When I was done, she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, eyes closed. "Well, it is clearly a warning. The same dream, always the same? Of something that could happen? _Uyy_." She looked down at her fingers, tapped her nails on the formica tabletop. "Let me call Doña Lupe." It was my turn to close my eyes; I'd seen the old lady before, of course, but I wasn't in the mood for weird spiritual shit this morning. As previously noted, though, what I wanted or didn't want wasn't relevant during this visit. 

Jackie had gone upstairs when the old lady showed up. She arrived with suspicious speed, wearing her standard uniform of a long grey dress and black shawl, rosary clutched in one hand. Her greying hair was tucked up in a bun. She listened to a short summary from Mama Welles in Spanish, nodded, then went to the fridge. Coming back with an egg, she said a prayer over it in Spanish and another short one in some language my translation 'ware didn't know, then passed it over my head and body, cracked it into a glass of water, and peered into the depths like she was actually seeing something other than albumen and tap water. The whole thing was bullshit to me, but I figured it if made Jackie happy, it was worth it. Within seconds, Doña Lupe set the glass down with a definitive 'clack'. "Too complicated. Not for me to say," she said brusquely. "Send him to Don Lechuzo." This was one of the first times I'd ever seen Mama Welles look uncertain; that was creepier than anything else. The old lady wasn't done. She glared at Mama Welles like she was personally offended. "Lupita, what do you want me to say? This boy," she waved at me without looking, "he is in the middle of something, something big. Trying to read all that from an egg is like trying to fit the whole Bible on a single page." She stood up, dusted off her hands, and looked directly at me for the first time. "Good luck, _muchacho_ ," and with that she left, ignoring all of Mama Welles' requests that she at least stay for coffee or food.

Jackie came back down the stairs and looked around, seeming puzzled that we were alone. "Who is Don Lechuzo?" I asked. I heard a thump as Jackie dropped whatever he was holding, but Mama Welles just looked at the table.

"He's... I suppose he's just an old man, in a way," she muttered. "He is a more powerful version of Doña Lupe. If she thinks he is the one to help you, I suppose you must go to him." Jackie snorted at this statement, and she glared at him but then sighed deeply, like it pained her. She looked up, pinning me with her eyes, more serious than I saw her look very often. "V, listen to me. This will be... challenging for you, I suspect. I know you don't really believe in these things." She gave a dry chuckle at my expression of embarrassment. "I would not expect you to, _mijo_. You weren't raised with these ways, of course they seem strange to you. Don Lechuzo is a, hm, I suppose you would call it _chamán_." My ware couldn't translate that, so I guess that wasn't what I would call it, but she was still talking. Some kind of sorcerer or wizard, I guessed. "He understands dreams and such things very well. They are very much a part of the world he walks in, but he will be... odd to you. He also speaks one of the old languages exclusively. There is no 'ware for it. When you see him, he will have a translator. Do not speak directly to the translator unless he asks you a question himself, okay? Take a gift with you, a bottle of good tequila, tortillas, some cigars made from real tobacco. Listen to what he has to say. Listen closely; everything he says, he says for a reason. Please, for me, be polite." She looked over at me, eyes intent, and she looked like she was sending me to the 'Tino kingpin or something.

"Of course," I said, meaning it. If it was this important to her, then I would be on my best behavior. "I promise I'll be very polite." She patted my hand.

"I know you will, _mijo_. I know you will." She gave a lopsided smile but still looked sad. "You truly are becoming _un nochero, mijo_." With that she stood and went to get ready for work, leaving Jackie sitting at the table looking stunned.

"Don Lechuzo..." he sighed uncomfortably. " _Chingada madre_ , I can't believe she sent you to the old man. These dreams must be something serious, _mi corazón_."

"Why is he so scary?" I asked, feeling a bit unnerved. I got up and got myself some more coffee, just to have something to do. Jackie shook his head, seeming almost reluctant to answer the question.

"V... sometimes you don't want to know," he said cryptically. He thought for a minute. "Okay, let me put it this way. You remember when you went in _el cuadro_ the first time, and you saw _la Virgen de Guadalupe_?" I nodded, confused. "Okay, that's like Doña Lupe. And remember when you went in when _mamá_ caught us on the couch, and you saw _la Virgen_ 's other face?" I nodded again. "That's Don Lechuzo." This didn't tell me much but definitely made me feel disturbed. Jackie snorted a laugh. "Calling him a more powerful version of Doña Lupe is like calling a nuclear bomb a more powerful grenade. It's right, but it's not. Be careful, _querido_. And what _mi madre_ said... be polite. Be real polite." Jackie shook his head again as I sat down, then put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. What the fuck had I gotten myself into now?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the moment is finally here :) One of them, anyway. Our boys have a bit more to go before they are snug in their lives, I'm afraid. We all know what's coming.
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos make my day :) love you all! <3 <3 <3

I drove through the streets to the address I had gotten that afternoon, trying to find my way through an unfamiliar part of east Heywood. Mama Welles had just sent a text with an address, and when I called her to ask when I was expected, her answer was just as weird as the rest of it. "Just go, _mijo_ ," she sighed. "He will know you are coming. He always knows." 'He always knows' made this old man sound like a fixer. I wondered, not for the first time, if this dude didn't just have a good information network; a lot of so-called 'mystical powers' could be excused as general statements combined with a hell of a good knowledge of gossip. Still, I was here for Jackie more than me... Jackie and Mama Welles, both. I pulled up in front of a tiny house, standing alone in a tiny lot in a decrepit neighborhood, braced myself, got out of the car. There was nothing to indicate that this house or its inhabitants were special; quite the opposite. A group of 'Tino gangoons was standing on the corner, radio blaring, all of them dancing around and yelling at traffic as it went by. They gave me a distrustful glance, and for the first time I wished I had brought Jackie with me. I didn't want beef with the 'Tinos, even low-level idiots like these boys. When they saw me heading into the house, though, it was like I became invisible. All attention was diverted from me immediately. I knocked politely, as I'd been told, then opened the door.

I closed the door behind me as I stepped into an open room, must have been the front half of the house. The ceiling had been taken out so the second floor was gone, and this room went up all the way to the roof. There was a skylight sending dusty rays of light down into the space below. The old man sat at a small table in the middle of the room. There was a middle-aged heavyset gonk with a long ponytail behind him who I figured had to be the translator, but the focus was on the old guy, clearly. There were two chairs at the table, one on each side, and Don Lechuzo perched in one of them like a shriveled doll, gnarled hands resting on the tabletop and oversized dark glasses hiding more of his upper face than seemed possible. He was dark-skinned and bald, occasional strands of wispy white hair left on a liver-spotted dome, and what was visible of his face was a big nose like a beak jutting out of a mass of lines. It was really weird to see someone actually old-old anymore... most people used surgery to look as young as possible, but this old man looked like he maybe predated the city itself. Other than the table and chairs, the room was empty of proper furniture. There didn't seem to be any electric; the only light in the place was what filtered down from the skylight above, shining on the old man and leaving the translator and everything else in shadow. Dusty boxes and crates lined the walls. It smelled weird, like some sort of herbs had been burned in here, but not incense like Misty's shop. The translator sat nearby in the shadow perched on a box, but I couldn't see much of him in the gloom. I gave a little bow of my head, trying to be polite, and said, "I'm... uh, I'm V? I came about the dreams." The translator nodded and motioned at the empty chair. I set the tequila, tortillas and cigars I had brought on the table and then sat down.

When I slid into the other chair, the translator spoke in a quiet voice. "Take his hand." 

I reached out and hesitantly picked up one of the withered hands set out flat on the table, and it twitched in my grasp, twisted and clasped mine with surprising strength. I flashed back to a memory of an old, smiling woman in a long dress, taking my hand on a desert road and shivered without warning. Don Lechuzo's other hand reached up and removed his glasses and I jerked; I knew he felt it but I couldn't help it. Sunken, empty eye sockets turned towards me, framed by scars where cybergear had been stripped out. He murmured a string of words, clucking tones making my translation 'ware fuzz with static in my head. I had to turn it off, because whatever language he was speaking, it made my 'ware freak out. Lucky the translator spoke accented English or I'd have been fucked. The translator said "He says: you are surprised to see him be old, to see him without the... the false eyes. He says: you should know he sees better without the machines than people see with them. He says: you cannot truly see the devil's works with the devil's toys, but a strong heart can see with the eyes of God." The old man nodded slowly, head bobbing like a doll, before he picked up a covered cup sitting next to him. It was a stained old ceramic mug, white glaze cracked and crazed, with a matching lid that fit more or less... the cup looked as old as him. He took the lid off, sipped from it. A bitter, astringent smell came from whatever he was drinking; he made a face, so quick I almost didn't see it, but then took another drink, a bigger swallow of the pungent herbal goop from the cup. Settling himself down into his chair, he looked like an ancient eyeless bird, something far older than humans. Empty sockets stared at me.

The translator spoke again. "Speak to him of these dreams that bother you." I looked from him to the old man, shuddering at the eyeless sockets pointed at the sound of my voice, and nodded hesitantly. Mouth dry, I swallowed and coughed.

"In... in my dreams, it's always the same. Sometimes there's more or less of the scene, but I'm with... my partner. He and I are in an expensive car, some sort of limo or flash ride, and he's... he's dying. He's been shot. I'm okay but I'm watching him bleed out and he dies right in front of me. Sometimes I see us falling, sometimes I see him getting shot, sometimes we are fighting others but... always it ends in the car." I took a deep breath and held it for a moment. This didn't get any easier to talk about. The old man listened to the translator clucking at him, nodded, and gave a short response.

"He says: there is more." More? What the fuck...? The old man spoke again, though there's no way he could have seen the confusion on my face for obvious reasons. Maybe the translator said something, maybe he could feel my tension in the hand he held. "He says: there is another dream which is key to this one. He says he sees a woman. Who is she?" How...? I was close to running out of this place, but forced myself to speak. This was getting seriously fucking weird.

"I had, uh, a bad beating. While I was being healed, I dreamed... it was an old lady, standing on a dirt road. The place seemed familiar but I don't know it. It was out in the Badlands somewhere, just a road in the scrub. Wind. She looked like... like an old grandmother, in a long dress. She took my hand. It got darker as we walked, and she held my hand... I couldn't, couldn't pull away." Just talking about it for the first time, I felt the terror all over again. I paused while the translator spoke. When I started again my voice was quavering. "She was hauling me along like a... like a kid, down that dark road. She kept asking me 'do you want to know' like I knew what she meant but I didn't. There were... bodies. Dead people. Everywhere. All piled up like... like I don't know what. Finally she asked and her voice was... the scariest fuckin' thing I've ever heard. 'Do you want to know?' And I said yes, because... because it seemed like I had to say yes or no and she..." I stopped again, tugging at my hand. The old man let go easily, breaking the similarity with the dream enough to let me breathe. I sat for a minute, settled my nerves, then took his hand again. He calmly took my hand like nothing had happened, no change appearing on the seamed old face. "So yeah, I said yes. Then she pulled off her whole face, and hair, and everything. She... she was just a skull. And she said 'then know' and... and ate me. Threw me between her teeth and I woke up." The old man sat like a statue, listening to the translation, he didn't even look like he was breathing. I watched dust motes dancing in the sunbeam slanting down from the skylight, wondering if this was real or another dream, and wondering how I could even tell.

A minute passed... two. The room was eerily silent. It seemed like we had been there forever already, and I was about ready to jump up and run out, break the grip of this withered old claw grasping my hand and flee. I was only doing this for Jackie; all this mystical shit drove me nuts. Suddenly the old man coughed wetly, said something, then spoke for a minute more. The translator murmured "He says: You are a strange one, though you look so normal to the casual eye. You have more of a choice ahead than most. He says: these dreams of yours are a warning, a decision that must be made. He says: The devil comes to this world from time to time. He comes to cause trouble, and his eye is on you." Another burst of speech. "He says: I see the devil come to you like a rich man wearing a smile. He tempts you with dreams, yours and others, offers them in a golden hand." Another murmur, a cough. "He says: If you take what the devil offers you, if you even touch it, you will suffer. It cannot be avoided. The only thing the devil's gifts bring is entrapment and death." The old man shook his head, shivered as he spoke, and I felt the wave go through him where his hand held mine. "He says: If you take this gift you will get what you have dreamed of, but what the devil offers is always poison. His gift will take your heart from you first. Then your mind. In the end it will take your soul." The translator paused, clarified a point, then spoke again. "He says: all roads from this point lead to sorrow for a time. The hard way leads to sorrow, but that sorrow is only a valley, and on the other side is happiness. The easy way promises joy but leads only to misery and death." I didn't know what was going on, but I did know my balls were about to crawl up to meet my ears; this was the eeriest experience I'd ever had, even counting when I was sitting with Mama Welles in front of the statue of _Santa Muerte_. Like he was reading my mind, the old man chuckled and spoke. "He says: Death Herself has seen you. You were closer to Her than you knew, close enough She could bring you to _Mictlán_ , talk to you. Do not forget, you once made Her a promise. She warns you in dreams about this decision to come because She likes you, wants you to not be forsworn. This is what he sees." 

The translator leaned forward, meeting my eyes for the first time. "Do you have questions?"

"I..." the urge to be respectful warred with the urge to be a smartass. At this point I had nothing _but_ questions. "Yes. I do." He nodded and waited while I got my thoughts together as best I could. "It sounds... it sounds really straightforward. Why does he call it a decision? Who would choose poison?" The translator murmured my question and the old man perked up in his chair for a moment, empty sockets peering at me. He gave a rasping cough that I realized was a laugh and then barked a long answer, taking another sip from his cup and grimacing.

"He says: everything we do is a choice. As humans, we decide. It is our task, our burden and our blessing. He says: do not think this will be a simple choice; this will be one of the hardest temptations of your life. He says: do not forget that the devil is still the devil. Do not take him lightly. The devil is old, and very good at his job. He knows what you want the most. He will offer it to you with a smile. He will make it sound like the easiest thing you will ever do. But if you take what he offers... he will own you, in the end." All of a sudden it was too much - the scary old man, the translator who acted like a doll or a bot, the dusty house, all this talk of the devil. This was like something from a horrortime shockvid. I nodded and stood, ready to go, but the old man still had hold of my hand. He talked for another minute, then let go. The translator said "He says: you should have faith. You have met the devil and beaten him once already. He mocked you for not being able to make decisions, but you defied him by breaking his spell. He has not forgotten you and has not forgiven you. Now you must make another decision. But you are getting better at that. Your heart will know when it is time, and what to do." I gaped like a kid seeing a magic trick, because how the fuck...? I didn't say a word, just cut for the door. Fuck this.

Before I got outside the translator said "Tell the boys outside they are making too much noise." I nodded, mumbled a quick incoherent thanks and this time I ran.

My knees were shaking as I stepped outside, both wishing Jackie were here and glad he wasn't. The 'Tinos down the street were still playing their music as loud as ever, whooping and dancing, and I almost didn't go but... When I strolled over, looking out of place, the leader looked me up and down. "Well well, what do we got here? Wanna join the Valentinos, _puto?_ Lookin' to get jumped in?" He groped his crotch and grinned, showing me a faceful of chrome fangs. His choombas stepped up behind him, grinning as well; all the signs were that I was about to get my ass kicked... or worse. To the cheery oompa-oompa sound of _narcocorridos_ , at that.

"No, chooms," I said as respectfully as I could. I showed my hands to prove I wasn't armed, then gestured back at the house I had just stepped out of. "The old man asked me to tell you not to make so much noise." Suddenly the radio was the only sound. A look of... shit, of terror... went across their faces. They went from gangoons to frightened boys quickly, looking at each other like they'd been caught misbehaving.

"Oh... uh... okay. _Gracias, amigo_. We, uh... _claro, vamos, ya vamos_." They had turned the music off and bounced before I even got back to my ride. Wow, I thought, guess I wasn't the only one creeped the fuck out by the old man. From _puto_ to _amigo_ in one sentence. I don't know if Don Lechuzo can actually see the future, but clearly he's got something going on. I just wanted to get back to Jackie. Today had been enough weird, mystical shit to last me a lifetime.

I was exhausted by the time I rode the lift back up to 9 from the garage, hoping that Jackie would be home and maybe inclined to take a nap with me before we went to find dinner. Instead I came home to an empty apartment that still smelled like Buck-A-Slice. Kicking off my shoes, I fell into the bed. The low-grade dragging tiredness from lack of sleep was wearing me down, but the nightmares were keeping me from resting even when I did sleep. The visit with the old man had been so overwhelming I didn't even know how I felt about it. The last thing I noticed before falling asleep was a whiff of the strange herbal smell from that creepy house.

When I woke, Jackie was coming in the door. I dragged myself out of the bed, still feeling listless and weird after my nap, but he was smiling. " _Hola, querido_ ," he said softly, passing me a tiny bag. "I thought you might be tired, I know doing shit like that is exhausting. I found you something." I opened it and stopped, feeling like my heart just exploded in my chest. Jackie had gotten me another box of those little chocolate-hazelnut confections like the one we shared on his couch what seemed like ages ago. It was too much; I definitely wasn't ready for this while half asleep and after being terrorized by eyeless old men. Before he could say anything else I threw myself at him, wrapping myself around him.

"God I love you," I said before my brain caught up with my mouth. I froze, then just buried my face in his neck. Well, I guess I'm in for it now. He just chuckled, the asshole.

"I love you too, _mi corazón_ , want to eat one now or...?" he trailed off suggestively. I pulled back and looked at him, realizing that I simultaneously wanted to strangle him and that I felt lighter than air, like I would float away. He blinked at me exaggeratedly, as if to say 'what?' but the grin that was splitting his face told me otherwise.

"You fuckin' asshole," I said, kissing him. "I mean it, though."

"I know." He sighed, still grinning but traces of discomfort appearing on his face. "I do too, but... Please don't make me talk about feelings again." He laughed, but I know he meant it. "Like I told you before, you make me feel like nobody else ever did. I got it bad for you, V. I just wish I could, you know, do more nice things for you. Like, I always thought that when I found someone that was really special, I'd finally have enough money to buy them a fancy house out in Westbrook, nice cars, flash jewelry, take them to Embers and places like that. One day I will, but I guess I found that someone a little early." He put his arms around me so tenderly it made me feel that weird full-body ripple of pleasure, where your hair stands up.

"Jackie... I don't want anything from you but you and your heart." I pulled back enough that I could see into his eyes. "I know you hate the feelings talks, so I'll keep this short," he grinned in poorly-disguised relief, "but I never thought I would find someone like you. Never thought I would be so lucky. And now that I did... I'm with you 'til the end, babe. If you send me away I'll go, but it's... it's you, Jack. Always you. Only you. I... I really do love you, you gonk." He kissed me deeply, trying to express himself through lips and tongue without speaking, and I enjoyed it until we reached a break. "Now," I said, stepping back, "let me tell you about my visit. That dude was seriously creepy, I see now why..." Jackie held up his hand, face serious.

"No, don't tell me," he said, shocking me. "If you tell me, it might not happen right. At least that's what I've been told since I was a little kid. Besides, if you tell me what he said, then it will just worry me to fuckin' death wondering 'is this it?, is that it?' You know I don't like mysteries, and I never met one of these _curanderos_ that didn't talk in riddles." He looked at me where I was standing with my mouth hanging open. I was still wrestling with the idea that he sent me to this old man and I went for him and now he didn't even want to know what the guy had said; somehow that seemed unfair. "Did he say anything clear at all?"

"No," I had to admit. "He did freak me the fuck out though. He seemed to know about shit that went on at Arasaka that nobody else knew about." Jackie nodded glumly. "Other than that it was a lot about the devil and that my heart would know what to do." I laughed. "Glad to hear a lot of this stuff doesn't make sense to you either; I was feeling pretty clueless." He snorted, giving me a wry look.

"Nah, _querido_ , I was raised with it but it still don't make sense to me most of the time. I don't know why but it's always in some sorta code or something... even Misty with her cards, they have all these weird pictures and then she has to try to interpret them and give the 'real' meanings and stuff. Why don't _los espiritus_ just talk normal English or Spanish, right? 'Hey _cabrón_ , you about to lose your girl' makes a lot more sense, but instead it's always some shit like 'the bird that catches the snake only flies at midnight'." I cracked up because, I mean hey, he was dead on. "The fuckin' weirdest thing is, they are usually right, but most of the time you don't realize it until after the fact." He shrugged, sitting down on the couch and motioning me over. I went and sat next to him and he pulled me down until I was practically lying with my head in his lap, then started running his hand across my hair, smoothing it down over and over. I would have purred like a cat if I'd known how; this was what I needed and didn't even know it. The warmth of his massive thighs was like a heater under me. I was perfectly comfortable, content to stay there all night, but eventually Jackie said "Let's get some dinner. All I had for lunch was..."

"Buck-A-Slice." I laughed at his confounded expression, even funnier looking from where I lay on his lap. "Jack, the whole place smelled like it when I got home. It didn't take any _curandero_ to tell me that." He laughed and we stood up and went out after I checked my hair to make sure he hadn't left it doing something stupid-looking. We wandered around, ending up grabbing yakitori from a Japanese food stall near Misty's store. We stopped in to see her and Vik, both to check in and to thank Vik for all the hard work stitching us back together. I left him a couple hundred in bills as a mark of my appreciation, hidden on his workbench so he wouldn't spot it until we were gone; Vik was a good friend but was far too proud to take tips. Even so I knew the rent on this place must be deadly and he had saved the thing that I loved the most; he could have everything I owned for saving Jackie. By the time we got home, it was late and we were a little tired, but I figured it had been a good night. Much better than the day, anyway, creepy eyeless old man and all.

We got inside and I took a quick shower and crashed on the bed in my sweats. Jackie took a shower too, though he was usually a morning bather, and I was waiting for him to finish. When the water shut off, he wandered into the room still naked and toweling off. I didn't even try not to be leering at him; I love the look of him naked. The 'ware-lines across his face and chest made him exotic looking but the muscles, the tattoos, the sexy cock hanging soft but full over those massive balls... I didn't think I would ever get tired of seeing him. When he turned around, I groaned a little. That fuckin' back was just acres of smooth skin and muscle everywhere, leading down to a perfect pair of dimples over the best ass I'd ever seen. His ass was so round and full, it looked soft. I knew it was almost all muscle but still... "Come over here, babe," I said softly. He looked back at me and grinned mischievously, cocking his head back over his shoulder and watching me watch his ass. Turning, he sauntered towards me. I peeled off my sweats and threw them in the floor... no need to have them tangling up the bed. I took the damp towel from his hands and spread it on the bed, then pulled him down onto it. He put his arms on either side of me, pinning me to the mattress, kissing me hard and holding me in place, and just like each time I marveled that it didn't bother me at all for him to do it. I knew I was safe with him. After a moment of pushing, I got out from under him and smiled evilly. "Think I'm still hungry."

"You can't be... ohhhh," he sighed as I moved down his body, sticking my face into the crack of that magnificent ass and starting to work my tongue. I could feel myself getting harder and rubbed my own cock into the towel as I lay on it. "God, V, you're so good at that, _Jesúcristo_ , V... please..." I ran my tongue over and over the sensitive flesh, feeling the stubble where his hair was just starting to regrow, pushing my tongue in as far as it would go. Jackie's grunts and moans were directed into a pillow but still went directly into my spine. "You can... finger..." he said brokenly, sighing as I kept going but I paused for a second. That was new, him asking for something. I was happy to oblige, sliding my index finger in slowly, reveling in the tightness, feeling for the little nub of his prostate. His jerking and muffled shout when I found it was all the confirmation I needed. I kept the in and out motion going, crooking my finger, licking around the muscled ring as I went. He was moaning almost nonstop now, low but constant. " _Sí... sí... eso..._ ahhh, V, I wanna try more... need you..." I looked at him for a minute, undecided.

"Just... just checking, Jackie. You sure?" I asked, breathless, desperate for it but not wanting to assume. He nodded, then his ring flexed again around my finger. I slid a second finger into him and he grunted at the stretch. Leaning over a bit further, I bit one of his asscheeks to distract him and he bucked on the bed; anticipating that reaction, I drove my fingers deep into him and then pulled back, dragging the pads of them across his prostate just to hear him shriek into the pillow. If the neighbors didn't know we were fucking before this moment, they did now, I thought with a grin. I felt him starting to relax, loosening around my fingers and kept going, licking and fingering and getting him used to the sensations until I slowly eased a third finger in. He was wrecked almost like he had been that first night I ate his ass, twitching and moaning on the bed as I worked him over. Finally, the moment arrived. I lubed up my cock, by now as hard as a steel bar, but paused. "If... if you don't like it, say something, okay? I want you to feel good, babe, nothing but good." He nodded, and I slid the head of my cock over his hole. It didn't look like it would fit, but then, it never did. I slid my fingers out and he whimpered, and then with the first pressure of my cock he grunted, reaching back to feel it with his fingers.

"Yeah..." he sighed, sliding his fingers along my length, teasing the rim of my head at his hole. I applied a gentle pressure, then a bit more, and suddenly it slid in and I froze. He did too, then his fingers moved gently around the shaft of my cock where it was entering his body for the first time. His first time ever, I realized, and the trust in that made my heart throb in time with my cock. "'M good," he said, sounding drunk, and I slid a bit more in, making him grunt again. Gradually I eased into him, going slow, and he sighed and moaned and I didn't see a single sign of discomfort on his face, though I was watching him so closely I almost started to get soft. When I was seated deep in him, I pulled back a tiny bit, just a few centimeters, and slid back in and he howled into the pillow. Before I could say anything though he said "Do that again," which was a lot more welcome than the signal to stop I had feared. I obliged him, and set a smooth, gentle rhythm. I usually rode my lovers hard, because that's what they wanted, but I knew that wasn't what Jackie wanted or needed. Instead I was slow and patient and totally different with someone I loved; in a way I felt like it was my first time too, just exploring to find out what he liked.

I wasn't going to last long, which was just as well because I knew he probably didn't want me to, and all too soon I was bending close to his ear and whispering "So close... love you... so close."

"I want it," he mumbled back. "Love you too. Make me yours... take it all." Just the thought of him saying that would have gotten me off, so the real words had me shooting into him like fireworks. I came so hard I almost blacked out; I could feel my pulse pounding in my temples, blood rushing in my ears, chest heaving as he sighed under me. As I spiraled down from my earthshaking orgasm he turned around, kissed me hard and repeated my own words back to me. "Always you, only you too, _querido. Te amo_." He had softened during the fuck but I slid back down the bed, wrapping my lips around him and sucking him until he was flooding my mouth, drowning me, choking me with come, and I loved every bit of it. Loved him, loved all of it. I turned him over as he said "What..."

"That first night I sucked you off, I told you what would happen," was all I said as I put my lips back on his well-fucked hole. He grabbed his pillow but not before his piercing whine filled the room. I ate the come out of him, moaning myself as I ground my face again and again into his perfect ass. My body was sated but I think my brain was having a second orgasm of its own, reveling in the fulfillment of a fantasy I had had since long before I ever knew I might someday be permitted to touch this man under me. By the time I was done Jackie was utterly ruined, hands and feet twitching feebly where he was splayed out like a corpse on the bed, and when he turned his head and looked at me, his half-open eyes and slack mouth told me just what an altered state I had managed to produce. After a few moments he tried to speak but was only able to produce broken noises at first. I lay down next to him, wrapped myself around him and shushed him. Occasionally I could feel his body trembling, aftershocks rippling through him. "Just lie still and enjoy," I said softly. After a few minutes when he the shivers had stopped and he seemed to have caught his breath, I asked "How was it?"

"Holy fuck, V," he said, still looking stunned. "That was... I don't even know. It was incredible, but I'm honestly a little mad." I was worried now.

"Mad?" He grinned.

"I'm mad because it's like, wait, I coulda had that all along? What the fuck have I been doing?" I shoved him, giggling in spite of myself as a wave of relief went through me.

"You're a clown," I laughed, then leaned in to press a kiss to his temple. "But a clown I love." He made a little 'mm' sound and scooted closer to me.

"There's a problem, though," he said. I gave him the eyebrow, figuring this was going to be another joke, and wasn't disappointed. "Now I need to take another shower, and I'm not sure my legs are gonna work after that." I sighed, pretending to be disgusted while happiness filled me like a balloon. If this was the level of problems we had, life would be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, sorry for the extensive quoting from the game mission, but it changes in critical ways :) And uh... I'm preemptively sorry to leave you there. Love you guys! <3 <3 <3

Weeks went by and Jackie and I were... I don't even know what to call it. I'm not sure I know a word to cover it. 'Happy' sounds silly, 'ecstatic' sounds like kids at a birthday party, but... yeah. After he finally tried it, Jackie decided he liked being output as much as he liked the other side, and we spent a lot of time in bed. Quite a lot. Things were almost too good, and that made me nervous. The fixers were keeping us on the bounce, too. We each did a few small jobs, separately and together, and on one rescue mission from Wakako (some girl named Sandra Dorsett managed to find herself on the wrong side of a scav gang), Jackie mentioned that he might have found us our big break. He was all excited. Spent two days talking up this upcoming meet with Dexter DeShawn, some fixer that had tangled with the Voodoo Boys and vanished off the map for a long time. I had never heard of him, of course, since he was both an up-and-comer and then a dead-and-goner during the time I was at Arasaka. Now, it seemed, he was back, and bidding big to make his own name back, remind folks why he was still on the VIP list at the Afterlife. Coincidentally, he and T-Bug had a past of some sort so she fingered us for a job he had, and he was all excited to meet and chat about it. With me, of all people. I didn't know which I found harder to believe, that a big-name fixer wanted to meet me personally or that T-Bug had ever had anything but disdain for another human.

I went to the meet spot Jackie gave me, not sure what to expect. I was flattered, sure; I mean, maybe we really _were_ getting a rep. I knew Jackie was over the moon with excitement, and I... I didn't really have a tendency to get excited about unknown things, but I had to admit: getting a job from one of the big fixers at the Afterlife, a chance to shine? Okay, maybe I was a _little_ bit excited. I could admit that to myself. When I got to the location, there was a giant stretch limo parked there with a 'borged out gonk that looked only slightly more human than a combat droid. He scanned me and then opened the door, and I slid into the car.

Dexter DeShawn was... not what I was expecting. He was big, true, but he looked like a movie producer instead of a fixer. Most fixers want to keep things on the low, keep their biz to themselves... they don't look important, just another gonk in a city of gonks just like them. DeShawn was designed to catch eyes. He was tall, and more than that he was big. Fat, yeah, but also with a presence that filled the whole car. Even his biz smile lit up the car. This was a dude who was used to having everyone shut up when he spoke. Long dreads rolled back from a high forehead, and a full visor-style set of sunglasses covered his eyes. A real tobacco cigar was fuming in one thick hand, the fug of smoke filling the car. Gold jewelry hung around his neck, his wrists, heavy rings on one hand and the other... the other hand was a gold-plated aug. Memories of a creepy little old man in a creepy room surfaced in my mind: _I see the devil come to you like a rich man wearing a smile. He tempts you with dreams, offered in a golden hand._ Fuck. I had figured Jackie had been right, that the old man must have been speaking figuratively; this was almost _too_ pat. Dex told the driver to do his thing, we pulled out into traffic, and even though I still wanted this job bad, I realized I wasn't so excited any more.

"My man, V, a pleasure," DeShawn said, giving me a fixer's smile; fair enough, I thought, down to biz. He surprised me, though. "Mind if I ask you something right off the bangle?" I gestured agreement, and he turned to look out the window of the car. "Would you rather live in peace as mister nobody, die ripe, old, and smellin' slightly of urine? Or go down for all times in a blaze of glory, smellin' near like posies, 'thout seein' your thirtieth?" My instinct was to say 'fuck getting old', a standard runner response, but then I thought about Jackie. I couldn't leave Jackie... well, I didn't want to.

"Any way to split the difference?" I asked. DeShawn turned and gave me half a sneer, but I wasn't done. "Not much of one for thought experiments, I'm afraid. Glory is nice, but life is nice too. My goal is to do well enough to find a little patch of happiness, settle down with someone to love. With all that, getting old wouldn't be so bad." Just the mention of the word 'love' made his face ripple unpleasantly, and I half thought I could feel a cold glare from those hidden eyes. In my mind I once again saw a little old man with no eyes staring into my soul. Then Dex laughed, loud and long.

"Have your cake and eat it too, huh? I like greed. Greed I understand." He stared at me, eyes pinning me even through the sunglasses. "But sometimes, we gotta make a decision. One or the other, know what I mean?" I nodded, mouth dry. All my excitement was gone, run away like water into dusty sand. All I wanted now was to get out of this car, get away from this man, and pretend like this conversation never happened. But Dex grinned again, wider this time, and I thought of sharks. "A'ight, listen close. Scannin' a serious job, now. Plain gargantuan compared to smashin' up a scav haunt." Shit, I guess T-Bug must really have filled him in. I nodded, swallowed, looked out the window briefly.

"Hang on," I said. "Got a question of my own, now. Why all this, Dex? Why me? Coulda had Jackie or T-Bug sittin' here, coulda just done this on comms..." Dex nodded along.

"Call me old fashioned, but I like to look anyone I do biz with in the eye." I did see my phone blip, though; Dex had just shared his contact info with me. A rich statement coming from someone in blackout glasses, I thought, but a good answer if you didn't think about it too deeply. "Had the pleasure of meetin' the Jackster in the past. And sweet T-Bug helped this brother out two years ago. So here we are." He drawled the last, looking me up and down. Normally I'd think he was coming on to me, but this was as cold and impersonal as a lion in one of the old nature vids choosing which antelope to eat. "'Sides all that, got a special little pre-mission just for you. But we'll get to that." I wanted this, I reminded myself. Jackie wanted this. Jackie was trusting me to come on this run and leave with a job, a big job, a job that would make us rich and respected. I took a breath and nodded, touching up my biz face.

"Lemme hear it - what's the job?" Dex nodded, looking pleased. 

"There's this... prototype tech - a biochip to be precise. Job's to grab it. Simple." If I knew one thing from my years in Night City, it's that men like Dexter DeShawn didn't deal with jobs that were simple. I nodded, game face still on.

"Mmh... guessing it belongs to a corp?" I ventured. Hardly something Maelstrom would be cooking up in the back of All-Foods, I knew. Probably Biotechnica, but maybe Militech. Militech was a hard nope, especially after the clusterfuck with Flash Rides; I was sure they hadn't forgotten me, though with the intervening time I was small enough to be off the radar.

"Mhm - Arasaka. Surely that's no problem." The name went through me like black ICE. Two competing thoughts immediately started shouting in my mind at the same time, 'hell no' and 'sweet revenge'. They were dangerous, no doubt about that. Even so I suddenly knew why me; if Dex had said this earlier, we could have avoided a whole lot of dancing. As ex-Counter-Intel for Arasaka, I knew how they worked. I was literally the best resource he could pull in all of NC to put Arasaka in their place. Nodding, I sat a little lower in my seat, looking a little more confident. This job, though... danger didn't begin to express fucking with Arasaka. It would pay with whole swimming pools full of eddies, for sure; Arasaka was one of the twin colossi of NC, along with Militech. And besides, I owed Abernathy (and Jenkins if he was even still alive) a kick in the ass; this would be the best one I could possibly deliver. I forced down my earlier fears. Warning or not, I wanted to know more. Negotiations being what they are, never hurt to play hard to get, though.

"No, no problem." I chuckled, laugh as fake as I meant it to be. "Just a death sentence. NC's Arasaka's turf, nobody fucks with them here." I wasn't lying; the only more difficult target would be NightCorp or maybe NetWatch, but even DeShawn would bail on those. Dex sighed, looking away.

"What can I say, V? High risk, high reward - first rule of the Afterlife. 'Sides that, I'm no leadhead. Ain't gonna leave no trace for them to follow 'cause we gonna do this clean and on the hush-hush. We understand each other?" I nodded, leaning back. All fine and good for the fixer to talk about how 'we' were going to do something; it wasn't his ass out there getting shot or fried. But I wanted this, and I figured I had a path forward. Of course, that's when the real story came to light. Dex began telling me a story about Maelstrom stealing something, some sort of bot, that I needed to get to do this run, and the story he told stunk worse than a week old corpse. He also wanted me to meet with the client, which made no sense. I decided to tackle them in order.

"What's the issue with Maelstrom?" He extended a shard to me with his golden hand. I heard that little whispery voice in my head again, _If you take what the devil offers you, if you even touch it, you will suffer._ I pulled back, smiled as politely as I could. "Sorry Dex, I'm a safe-sex kinda guy. You know I'm a deckjock. I don't slot shards from strangers." He glared at me, but I just smiled as sweetly as a schoolgirl, practically sitting on my hands to make the point. Finally he scoffed, giving me a glare as he tucked the shard away. "Tell you a story. I slotted a shard from a rescue once, T-Bug wanted me to see what was on it. Some sorta scavware almost zeroed me, ripper barely patched me up. Been paranoid ever since. Check with her." He shook his head in disgust.

"Won't get far with an attitude like that, my man. But here's the story." He told me a tale of stolen convoys, Militech, treachery... a real Night City special, full of hooks for curiosity, greed, and revenge. But as he was wrapping it up, he said "It's all gonna be easy, V. The whole thing is planned out. T-Bug runnin' cover, you and Jackie runnin' the bot then grabbin' the goods, in and out. And we'll all be rich. Jackie get the fame he wants, and you... you get everything." A wide smile split that dark face. "Greed pays off in Night City." I opened my mouth once, twice, but I couldn't get Don Lechuzo's warning out of my head. Finally Dex turned to me with a funny little smile and said "Quiet life or blaze o' glory, hmm?" Memory washed through me like a runner's ice bath. I remembered Jenkins, staring up at me with that same expression from the bed where I had fucked him and then he fucked me worse without lifting a finger. Same little smirk, same awareness that I was trapped, same enjoyment of watching me squirm... Fuck Dex. Fuck him, fuck his client, and fuck this job.

I shook my head. "Dex, I appreciate the offer." He looked at me, stunned. Even the driver sat a little straighter in his seat. "It means a lot to be considered. This convo stays between us, for sure, so no fears on that front. But I'm gonna have to pass. Arasaka is just too big of a bite for my little mouth to take." DeShawn shook his head, apparently in sadness and disbelief that I was wasting the opportunity but the rage in his face was too strong to hide and gave the lie to his show. I knew it was stupid, but I had one more thing to say, because if this really was 'the devil' (whatever the fuck that meant) I wanted to poke him right in his shiny red eye. "Guess you were right. Sometimes you do have to make decisions. Best of luck with the job." I popped the door as Dex leaned over, face feral and cold and all that warm, smiling presence folded up and put away like a backdrop.

"You makin' a serious mistake, Mr. V. Chances like this don't come every day." I nodded; no need to be stupid about this. Devil or not, being rude to a fixer never paid.

"I know, and I wasn't lying, Dex. I really do appreciate you thinking of me. Remember me in the future." I didn't even know why I said that last sentence, but I wished I hadn't. He looked at me with a look of such frustrated fury any lingering regrets I had died in my mind.

"Oh I will, trust and believe." The door closed automatically, closing tech snatching it out of my fingers as the car drove off. What the fuck was I going to tell Jackie? I worried about it the whole way home. Headed back into the 'Hab, I couldn't help but feel like everyone was staring at me like I was a failure. I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but still, my skin was crawling by the time the lift showed and grunted and wheezed me back up to 8. I walked around the promenade and up the flight of steps to the apartment and practically fell in the door hoping for a moment to relax.

It wasn't meant to be. Jackie was waiting for me inside the apartment, pacing and fuming. Later I figured Dex must have called T-Bug and T-Bug called Jackie, but right now all I knew was that Jackie was fuming, more angry than I had ever seen him. It tore my heart to see that look of fury aimed at me and I slunk in the door like a kid that had misbehaved. I didn't even get the door shut before he started shouting. "V, what the fuck! What the fuckin' fuck, _'mano?_ You turned down fuckin' _Dexter DeShawn? Estas loco?_ I don't..." he tore at his hair, knocking his ronin knot into disarray. His face was bright red and so furious he looked like he was about to have a stroke. There was a vein pulsing on the side of his forehead I had never seen before. When we were on a job, even when shit went wrong and he lost it, he never looked like this.

"Jack..." I said softly. I reached out to touch his arm, wanting him to sit, listen, but he snatched it away, acting almost repulsed at my touch. That was like a knife in the gut, no lie. Babe, no, I thought miserably. Nothing now but the truth. I had to come clean and hope for the best. "This is what the old man saw. Maybe I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I'm telling you now. This is what Don Lechuzo told me about, warned me about. Was I supposed to ignore him?" Jackie was giving me a look of stunned incomprehension, like I'd suddenly started yelling in that clucking language my 'ware wouldn't translate. He was pacing, breathing heavily and giving me a look like... a look I'd never seen from this side before. It was the look he gave gonks just before he hit them, before he started a brawl. If he hit me I didn't think my heart could take it, even if my body ended up fine. I flashed to an image of him from my nightmares, bleeding into his nice suit, leaning over and looking at me in pain, and the two overlaid, making it hard to remember where I was, when I was. He didn't sound wounded, though, just outraged.

"You... I..." he was incoherent, waving his hands around his head. "This is what I been waitin' for, _'mano!_ I'd been waitin' my whole fuckin' life for a chance to hit it big. You knew that, you fuckin' knew! We coulda been famous, this was the big time job that we..." He was shaking his head, staring past me now, seeing a future I knew he had wanted crashing into the ground. Even worse, a future I knew that I had been in as well. A future I ruined, at least this shot at it. " _No me jodas, cabrón_ , you don't even believe in any of that, Don Lechuzo, _los espiritus_ , none of it, so how the fuck you gonna blame this on Don Lechuzo? That's some bullshit!" He stood, glaring and fuming and finally scrubbed a hand over his face, very visibly trying to calm down. "Okay, V... look. Take out your phone. Maybe if you call Dex back, he can..." I shook my head miserably, willing him to understand, but instead he was staring at me like I had shot him myself. Still, in the end, I had made a decision. That's what everyone kept telling me to do, right? And it's not a fucking decision if you change your mind the first time you want to.

Instead, I tried to explain. "I know I said I didn't believe but... babe, if you'd been there... I mean, he was too fuckin' accurate, Jackie. Everything he said, I saw when I got in that car. He told me that a man with a big smile and a gold hand would offer me every dream I had, we had, make it sound easy. And he told me that if I took it, it would all go to shit. He said it a lot better, a lot more flowery, but that was it. He said that I would lose my heart, my mind, and eventually my soul. He said we would both die." I sat down on the couch, put my face in my hands. "My heart is you, Jack. I can't lose you. No job is worth losing you. I love you." I didn't mean to add that last, but it just fell out. He just stood there, staring, face hard and stony.

"You wouldn't have lost me, V. Not that way. I don't know if you're scared or what, or if... _mierda_ , if you misunderstood what..." He cut himself off, looking around in fury and finally taking a bottle off the table and smashing it in the floor just to break something physical. I knew that mood, knew it all too well. "How you gonna sit there and claim you love me, and then just... just... _Chinga su madre_. Even that was probably a lie, you just wanted to fuck me up worse. I gave you... I gave you everything, and then you just... You know what, I can't deal with this. I'm out. I need some time. Don't... just don't call me." And with that, Jaquito Welles stormed out of my apartment and took my heart with him. I was left on a couch in an empty apartment with shards of glass on the floor and shards of heart in my chest. Some tough guy, I thought, as I curled up in our bed to smell Jackie's pillow. You're the pussy you always were, seems like. The same weak, useless kid that Jackie saved all those years ago, trying to be tough and see the 'real city'. This is the real city. Congratulations, you've seen it. Heartbreak and empty rooms and misery. I couldn't even cry, I just lay there cradling the pillow, staring at the wall.

Hours went by, and I just sat. I figured he had to come back sooner or later, all his shit was still here. I didn't want to eat, didn't want anything. I finally got up and cleaned up the glass, just so I could take my shoes off. My phone rang a few times but I ignored it; when I checked it was never Jackie. Mama Welles called but I let her go to voicemail; what was I supposed to tell her? I shit on every dream your son had, and he left me? Hell of a thing to tell the woman who only took you in because of that same son. She texted me twice that night, telling me to come to El Coyote, but why would I do that? A bar was the last place I wanted to be in this mood. Company sounded too awful, booze sounded too tempting. I missed her too, of course. I wanted nothing more right now than the mother I had found, but... she was his real mother, and I was just a stray. Besides, I was under no illusions as to where he would be if he wasn't here with me. I spent the time second-guessing myself. The more I thought about it, the more sure I was that I had interpreted what the old man had said correctly; I mean, fuck, it didn't seem like he couldn't have been any clearer if he'd showed me a vid of the ride, there wasn't a lot of question about what was meant. In the end, it came down to faith. How much faith did I have in the old man? Yeah, it was creepy that he knew to describe that, but... now that I thought of it, it was creepy that he knew about my encounter with Jenkins, or seemed to. But did he? Was I just hearing what I wanted to hear, putting my own spin on a generic set of statements to convince me that he had some sort of powers? Fuck if I knew. I only knew one thing for sure, that I would rather have Jackie alive, even somewhere else, than dead in my arms.

Days went by, each one crawling past like a dying soldier. Jackie never came back; I finally figured he must have bought new clothes and toiletries. I went out and got food, but everything I bought tasted like ashes and regrets. When I went to the little bodega to get it, Muriel asked me where Jackie was and I almost punched her, which told me that I was doing the right thing by hanging close to home. I raced home, convinced he would have somehow known when I wasn't there and cleaned out his stuff, but no... it was all still in place, just like when I left. I was a little ashamed of how much time I spent lying in bed brooding with his pillow or clothes in my face. The best thing that happened to me was that none of the fixers who used us for biz called me. I knew that rent was coming up soon but I had enough stashed that I could carry a month. I didn't think I could get my head together enough to even talk biz, let alone do a run. Probably a hundred times a day, I picked up my phone, pulled up Jackie's number and hovered my finger over the dial button, but I never pressed it. He told me... I always cut that thought off. I couldn't think of his face when he said it without losing my shit. I tried T-Bug twice but she was giving me the silent treatment too.

Half the time, after Jackie's number I called up Dex's number and sat looking at it. I knew if I went crawling back, Dex wouldn't give me the gig back; he'd be a fool to offer it again to someone who already turned it down once. Worse than that, he'd look weak to anyone who knew the story. Fixers prided themselves on their deep benches; throwing the same offer twice would reek of desperation, and desperation was the quickest way out of the Afterlife. Or into it, depending on which meaning you intended. But if I called, then he told Jackie that I had come back, offered to do the run, maybe... maybe... Each time I put the phone down. On the third night, during one of the brief bouts of sleep I managed to get, I had a dream, more of a memory, of the old man. In the dream, though, he had huge, round eyes, jet black like some sort of bird or reptile, instead of those empty sockets. I felt him looking at me all the way down to my bones, like something crawling on me, inside me, and I heard him say "Do not think this will be a simple choice; this will be one of the hardest temptations of your life." I woke up gasping for breath. I almost called Mama Welles right then, despite it going on four in the morning. I texted her a little before seven, asking to meet at Panadería Kukulkán down the road from the house around eight thirty. She texted back almost immediately, one word _'finalmente'_.

I walked in and she was already there, camped with a _café con leche_ and _pan dulce_ at one of the chipped formica tables in the corner. The early crowd of workmen had cleared out, leaving us and a few little old ladies wandering in to the counter from time to time. I started to go to the counter, but she waved me over immediately and wrapped me in a hug that almost put me out of commission. I was a wreck but I still had enough pride not to want to cry like a baby in the corner bakery, so I looked away and tried to get myself together as the lady behind the counter brought me a coffee and _pan dulce_ of my own; Mama must have prepaid for it, just waiting for me to show. I sat in the rickety chair and sipped my coffee while the closest thing I ever had to a real mother stared at me sadly from across the table. I couldn't help but chuckle a little; this was some _telenovela_ shit for sure. " _Mijo_..." she murmured. "So what happened?" I could have kissed her. This, I could do. No emotional scene, no drama, just 'what happened'. Okay. I took a deep breath.

"What did he tell you?" I figured he had already told her how bad I had fucked up, but she just shrugged.

"He said only that you broke his heart. I thought, perhaps, but seeing you now... his heart is not the only one suffering." She took a sip of coffee, looked away. "It is, as they say, not my business, but if you wish to speak, I will listen. You are still my son, _mijo_." Just hearing her say that made me feel myself go limp in my chair. I nodded, ate a bite or two of pastry that I knew tasted better than the sawdust taste in my mouth.

"Jackie..." nope. Felt myself choking up, clearly the wrong place to start. Back it up, V. "So... you remember when I was having those dreams?" She nodded, face intent. This didn't seem to be the direction she expected me to go; maybe he hadn't told her anything after all. "And you sent me to the old man, Don Lechuzo?" Now her eyes were worried as she nodded again; I guess Jackie hadn't filled her in on this part. Great. "Jackie said I wasn't supposed to talk about what he said, that it would, I dunno, mess it up or something. You know more about that than I do." Her mouth tightened but she looked a little amused around the eyes. Sad, maybe, but amused. "Well, what he told me came true. At least I think it did." She made a little 'ah' sound and sat back while I ate some of my _bigote_. "He said I would meet a smiling man with a golden hand, and that the man was the devil. That the devil had been, I don't know, following me or some shit. The old man even knew about something that... that happened to me back at Arasaka. At least it sounded like he did. I don't know, I've been thinking about it to where it's all twisted in my mind. But from what he said, the basics of it were this: the devil was going to offer me something I really wanted, like a temptation, and if I took it, even touched it... he said we were all going to die. I was going to lose my heart, my mind, eventually my soul." I looked her straight in the eye. I knew she didn't want Jackie and me to be together, particularly, but I had to say it even so. "Jackie _is_ my heart, Mama. He's... he's everything. I can't lose him, even if I hadn't made you and... her... that promise. He made it sound like we would both die. So when the man with the golden hand came, I turned him down. But Jackie..." Now she was nodding, face set, but she looked unexpectedly approving.

"Now I understand, at least more than I did. What you did took strength. Courage and faith as well. For what it is worth, I am proud of you, _mijo_." She sighed, picked at the crust of bread left on her plate, pulling it into tiny pieces. Finally she gave another bitter chuckle, mouth twisting. "I told Jaquito to remember that there were two sides to everything, but this... he is being _un pendejo_ and I will tell him so myself. I love my son, but sometimes he is too much like his father. Joaquín was stubborn as well." she grimaced and shrugged, then looked across at me where I was sitting with my mouth hanging open. "Why do you look at me like this? V, even a fool would see you are good together. When he is with you... how do you say, _se brilla_ , he shines, like the sun. I am many things, but I am not foolish." She laughed, and a world of sorrow was in that laugh. "Not any more, at least. I hope. Have the dreams stopped?" I nodded, surprised. Now that I thought about it, for all the poor sleep I'd had since Jackie had stormed out, not once had I seen him in the limo bleeding out on me. I hadn't seen him at all. "Good. Good. That shows that the danger is past, now we must only clean up the mess."

"I dunno, Mama," I said softly. "Maybe it can't be cleaned up. Maybe I did fuck up. Maybe I should have given him the choice, not made the decision for him. Maybe..." She grabbed my wrist with surprising strength and I looked up into a terrifying glare.

"No." She said it with absolute certainty. "No, you promised _la Virgen_ that you would protect him, and that is what you did. Tell me. When you were with this man, this _diablito con manos de oro_ , could you tell him you would think on it? Would he have waited, let you come back later to tell him yes or no?" I stopped and thought; she had a point. The purpose of getting me in the limo was to reach a decision. I could say yes, I could say no, but 'maybe' wasn't ever going to be an option. Just from the look on my face, she snickered. "As I thought. So do not tell me such foolish things, _mijo_. You did what you needed to do." Her face was fierce as any samurai. "And V... Never apologize for keeping my son alive."

"I hope you're right, Mama." I stared into the dregs of my coffee. "I miss him. I don't know if he will ever forgive me."

"Give him time, V." She sighed. "Let me tell you a story. When Raúl had only five years, somewhere he found a bottle of _refrigerante_. I saw him with it almost to his mouth. I slapped it out of his hand, and my fingers caught his face as well. It made a terrible mess. He cried because he was scared, and he thought I slapped him for no reason. And he sulked for days, because he did not see the danger. Even as a child he was stubborn as a pig, and Jaquito is the same. Do you understand?" I snickered in spite of myself but nodded. She snorted, mouth twisting. "If he acts like a child, I will treat him like one. Jaquito... I know I spoiled him, but... he has to learn that these things you do together are dangerous. He feels invincible. You know those scars on his chest? Did he ever tell you how he got them?" I shook my head, a little embarrassed though she had to know we were sleeping together. She gave no indication of any discomfort. "When he was with the 'Tinos, he was shot, three times; they missed his heart _solamente porque Dios lo bendijo_." She crossed herself then sighed and shook her head sadly, motioning for more coffee. "I went to the hospital, he had tubes and wires and all sorts of things sticking out of him. Lying in bed, clinging to life, he said, 'you see _mamá?_ I can't be killed' and I thought _mijo_ , you are a fool. I took it as bravado, you know? I know how you men like to laugh in the face of death. But sometimes I think..." she trailed off, but she didn't need to finish the sentence. I agreed with her; I had sometimes felt like Jackie thought he was immune to damage.

"He... his stuff is still at the apartment." It killed me to say it. "If he wants to come get it, I can... meet him or... or let him know his key still works. I don't want to keep his things. If he needs me to be out when he comes, I... I understand." I didn't understand, but this was the shit I was supposed to say, right? If this had been a show, he would have burst in the place with us, we could have had a shouting match, worked it out in time for a commercial but... this was just me, in a life with a past prophecy I didn't know if I believed, and no Jackie. If this was a show, I couldn't imagine anyone would want to watch it. Mama Welles' mouth firmed into a tight line, but she looked away and nodded.

"I will tell him. Take care of yourself, V." She stood, put one hand on my cheek for a moment. "And be patient. I can't promise it will all work out but... just be patient." I nodded. What else could I do?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we come at last to the end. It was never my intention to have a brief one-off of "Jackie and V should have been together" turn into a 72K word romp through the CP2077 world, but here we are :D 
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed, and your comments and kudos have meant more to me than you know. Thanks to everyone who has made it this far, and love you all!
> 
> <3 <3 <3

Time passed, as time does. After my meeting with Mama Welles, I felt... not better, but more able to function, somehow. I also began to feel something other than hopeless sorrow. I wasn't sure that was better, because what I was feeling was anger. I had thought Jackie understood me when I told him that I would do anything for him, understood what "I love you" meant from someone who had never said it before to anyone in that context, but apparently not. Apparently it was easy to throw that away like trash, the first time I did something he didn't like. I tried not to brood about it, because that wouldn't help anything either, but resentment would rise up in me at random moments and almost choke me, usually followed by a sorrow so deep and pure that it made me feel like I had been impaled. He came by the apartment the next day to get some things, somehow managed to get them when I was out; I barely noticed until I looked at the bed and his pillow was gone. Some of his toiletries. Most of his clothes were still there, though, and a lot of his things, which... well, to say that was mixed signals was an understatement.

I decided it was time to start working again. Not only did I need the distraction, after I paid the rent for the month my account was going to be pretty thin. I flip-flopped on keeping the rental space in the garage, but I couldn't bring myself not to pay it; if Jackie came back, he'd need to park there. Of course, once I paid it I spent the rest of the afternoon beating myself up for being a gonk. Sometimes there's just no way to win. The day after I met with Mama Welles, word on the street was that Maelstrom got slaughtered like pigs. Nobody knew what went on exactly, except that Militech was involved somehow and the whole All-Foods factory ended up as a slaughterhouse of epic proportions. The whole senior leadership was wiped at once. I remembered Dex telling me in the limo that he had some sort of issue with Maelstrom and nodded. So it begins, I thought, cursing Don Lechuzo in my mind. Looks like I lost my heart either way, old man.

A week after Jackie left, I was out early on a recon job for Wakako. I was sitting in the rafters of a factory building, trying to work out how to get into the office area without setting off every alarm in the place when my phone buzzed. I sent it to voicemail immediately, didn't even look; getting distracted in the middle of something like this was a good way to end up in a landfill. It vibrated once more, but I was already refocused on my deck. I slipped from subnet to subnet, looking... looking... there! Hacking was like unraveling a piece of fabric. It all looked smooth and like one piece from a distance, but if you pick at it enough, you can find a loose end. I slipped in through their 'loose end', an unpatched router hooked to a hidden gun turret. Hidden _in_ the fucking office, no less; I wondered if it was actually part of the security or if it gave someone important a way to zero the office staff if things got to that point. It was a weird place for a security feature, to say the least. They also had decent ICE on this place, I saw; circumstantial evidence of their involvement with some sort of heavy hitters, as Wakako had surmised. Still, circumstantial evidence wasn't what she was paying for. By the time I had tracked the employees' movements and figured out how to get in and out with a copy of their drive, I was exhausted. My arms were shaking as I hauled myself back out of the roof hatch onto the top of the building. I slunk away, grinning, already imagining the eddies pouring into my account when I dropped this baby off. I looked at my phone to see what was going on and almost slipped and fell off the roof. It had been Jackie. There was no voicemail, but a text came in from him saying 'Can we talk'. Not even a question mark. Classy, babe.

I called Wakako, talked to her about the job, dropped off the data, but I didn't have any more idea what I said to her afterwards than if I had been reading words in some foreign language off a card. I assumed she paid me. Can we talk, can we talk, can we talk... three words spinning like a centrifuge in my head, turning all my thoughts into sludge. Fantasies of him coming back, all is forgiven, so so sorry were in my head, but so were the other kind, the dark kind, where he came in and told me he had already moved on, found someone else, had never meant it. I was just a toy to him, just to see what it was like, that he and Misty were... I had to stop that train of thought before I started screaming. I was in the metro, trying to keep it together long enough to get home, but I spent the whole ride just staring at my phone. Finally in a fit of bravery I managed to write back 'Ok' and even hit the send button. Part of me wanted to explain myself, ask a bunch of questions, prolong the contact somehow, but the rest of me was in damage reduction mode. One of the worst things I could imagine had already happened, now I was just trying to live through it.

A response, almost immediate 'can I come by at 7 tonight'. 'Ok' he got again, and now I had the rest of the afternoon to drive myself absolutely insane, since it was barely 3. If there was a good way to ensure that the next few hours would crawl by at a speed that made me feel like I was aging by the minute, this was it. I paced through the apartment over and over, finally going down to the Second Amendment to the range just to get out. I ran into a dude from downstairs named Barry who I had seen in there before. We shot the shit about racing cars for a while, a decent distraction, but by 6:30 I was sitting on the couch practically vibrating in place. My phone rang and I answered, figuring it might be Jackie but instead it was Padre. "V," he said with no introduction, "did you recently have a conversation with someone from the Afterlife?" I was so surprised it wasn't Jackie I stuttered for a moment before making a noise that I hoped indicated agreement. "You might want to turn on the news." With that he was gone, no goodbye, nothing else. How the fuck did Padre know...? I flicked on 54 and stared at the holo in amazement. I was seriously gonna develop a complex about Padre telling me to turn on the news, because god _damn_.

Konpeki Plaza was lit up like some sort of fortress. The media was claiming that someone had tried to storm the penthouse suite where Yorinobu Arasaka was staying and that the same someone or someones had killed his father, Saburo Arasaka. The fuckin' Emperor himself, dead to a couple of gonks in a hotel room. The feed kept flicking from one talking head to the next so fast that nothing made any sense. The commentators were frothing, and this close to the events Arasaka's damage control teams didn't have a handle on an official story yet so shit was going nuts. Theories were flying wildly, this was a hit from another corp, the old man had died of old age, he was poisoned, he was secretly alive and a body double was dead... on and on. The two guys who had done it were supposedly dead, though all they had to go on was cam footage of two gonks going in the hotel carrying a case. I didn't know either of them, which was a relief. There was a recurring vidloop of a wrecked limo in flames. The guys who assaulted Yorinobu had supposedly been in it and it had been totally destroyed; the car in the image made a cold chill go up my spine. That was the same limo from my dream. I didn't even need to see inside it, I knew that car, knew how the seats felt, how it smelled... Part of me wondered if Jackie was actually dead inside it even now. I didn't even hear the door open. When I saw movement in the corner of my eye and looked over, Jackie was standing in the room.

My first thought was: babe, you look like shit. His hair was ragged, ronin knot askew, he had big dark circles under his eyes, and his movements showed that he was exhausted. Concern boiled up in me, only followed after a second by the memory that it might not be my business any more. "Hey," he said softly, looking at me and then away. Just seeing him was a punch in the gut.

"Come to get the rest of your stuff?" I heard my own voice ask. I sounded a lot calmer than I felt, but even so I thought that was a harsh opening. He flinched like I had hit him, hunched over a little bit.

"If... if you want me to," he said and for the first time I heard Jackie sounding defeated. I had heard him happy (hell, he defaulted to happy, god knows how), heard him upset, heard him tired, heard him mad, but I had never heard him sound so beaten down in my life. My heart broke a little more, something I didn't even know was possible.

"No, I don't want... sorry, let's start again. I... Anyway. Hi." I looked away, tried to gather my thoughts. "Have a seat. Want a drink?" He crept over and sat on the edge of the couch, still all hunched up, looking small and sick and nothing at all like the man I loved. I fetched one of his Broseph Lagers out of the tiny fridge next to my seat and passed it to him. He just sat, turning the blue bottle around in his huge hands, staring at it.

"I fucked up, and I'm sorry." Of all the things he could have said, that was the most predictable and it still broke me like glass. I bit my lip and nodded. What could I say? His mouth worked, like he was trying to say something, but no sound came out. He finally opened the beer and took a long drink, then sat it down on the table, leaned back a little bit. "I didn't mean to... I guess I lost my temper but... I mean, you knew how important to me it was to..." I interrupted his rambling.

"Let me stop you right there. If this is going to turn into you trying to blame me for what you did, I don't think I can listen to it." He just stared at me, looking stunned. "Jackie, you..." I paused for a breath, tried again. "You didn't even ask me what I was thinking, give me a chance to explain, or anything. You just yelled at me and then stormed out of here. You and T-Bug tried and convicted me before I even got home, before I could say a single word. It's been a week, Jack." I tried to keep the pain out of my voice but I wasn't doing so good at that. "I'm okay to talk about what went down, but if you're going to say it's all my fault..." I shrugged.

"No," he said loudly, then dropped his voice. "No. That's... V, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. This is... this is something about me. I don't... I don't do good when people make decisions for me. _Mamá_ and _papá_ both did that shit, and..." He could tell by my expression that I wasn't happy and he hurried on. "But that's my shit, not yours. Maybe you made the right decision, I don't know. It just... brought up a lot of bad history for me, you know? And I'm sorry that I lost my temper. So sorry, _querido_." The urge to hold him was almost overwhelming, I needed something else to occupy myself. Instead I pointed at the holo, unmuted it just as the footage switched again to the destroyed limo, flames dancing merrily on what was left of it.

"You see that?" Jackie looked at the screen, clearly confused. "Take a good look. That's the fuckin' limo I saw you die in, Jackie Welles. Over and over and fuckin' over in my dreams. And I would wake up and you would be lying right there next to me, but every time I went to sleep we were back in that motherfuckin' car right there and you were dying in my arms. _That_ was the job Dex wanted us to take. I turned down a chance for us to _die_ , Jackie." He seemed to collapse into himself, staring in shock at the replay of scenes I'd already seen: the hotel tower, the security forces swarming, the limo, over and over. He sat for maybe five minutes, frozen, just watching and listening, and I took the time to really look at him. He was at the end of his rope, I could tell, which was comforting in a way. I knew then for sure that he hadn't been playing me; he was as upset by this as I was. That was a hopeful sign. My phone bleeped and I almost threw it across the room, but a lifelong habit of checking made me look. Padre had sent me a file labeled 'fyi'. What the fuck? Jackie was still watching the holo so I opened it. It was scratchy, crappy footage, clearly from a security cam, of another limo I recognized being stopped on a street I didn't. Professional extraction troops swarmed the car, hauled the driver out, a familiar looking 'borged out dude, and shot him in the head without a second thought. He went down like a sack of rocks. Two ninjas yanked open the door and dodged once, twice as whoever was inside fired a gun. They pulled a giant black guy out of the back, dreads in disarray, wrenched a pistol out of his golden hand, stuffed him in a Mackinaw and drove away. The vid ended abruptly. "There," I passed my phone over. "There's the last piece, courtesy of Padre. That's the end of Dexter fuckin' DeShawn. I'd be surprised if T-Bug made it out alive, either."

"Fuck..." Jackie mumbled as he watched. "I..." He hid his face in his hands and I felt bad, suddenly. It felt like this was the turning point; everything was balanced on a hair. Did I still want him? Fuck yes, no question. Did I still love him? That was ridiculous on the face of it, of course I did. Did I forgive him?... that was what remained to be seen, but like everything to do with our relationship I didn't have a plan for any of this and it was driving me nuts. God I hated just having to wing it, even more with something so important. I stepped over and sat down next to him, trying not to tear up as the familiar scent washed over me. I put an arm over his shoulders and he sobbed, once, before he could stop himself. I was holding him before I even though about it. I supposed I would have to speak from the heart and wing it. Jesus, this was hard.

"Babe..." I whispered. "I meant it when I said always you, Jackie. But I also meant it when I said that if you wanted me to go, I would." I more felt than heard him sniffle, but I kept talking. "You need to tell me what you want to do. I just... I have one thing to say first, though." I took a deep breath, then another. "I can't be with you if you're going to run off like this when we fight. I've been fucked over too much in my life, babe. You're not the only one in new territory here. Trusting anyone else is hard enough for me already. You've got way too much control over my mind and heart as it is, it's scary as fuck, and I'm trying... yeah, I'm trying. Like you said a bit ago, that's my shit, not yours, but I can't... I'm not gonna be able to function if I have to wonder if you're going to get mad and leave me each time something happens or we argue, wonder if you're ever coming back. Okay?" He nodded into the crook of my neck.

He pressed his face into my shoulder, giant nose bumping against me and making me smile in spite of myself. "When... when I was a kid," he finally said, muttering it into my neck, " _Papá_ would... he would beat us. Bad. Me, my mom, my brothers. Hector and Raúl, anyway, Oscar was gone by then. Not all the time, but... when he was drunk, or when he got mad, real mad, he would take off his belt and just... go to town." I had no idea about any of this, and I felt queasy, felt myself getting angry in sympathy. " _Querido_ , I... when I got so mad, I reminded myself of him, and I fuckin' hate it. I'd rather be anybody on earth than be that _hijoeputa_. Just feelin' like that made me sick in my gut." He shivered and I felt it go through him. "I scared myself, and I couldn't tell _mamá_ , because... well, she don't need to think about him ever again."

"Jackie, I... I had no idea." I shook my head, stunned. How had I not known any of this? How bad of a friend was I anyway? And if I was a failure as a friend, as a boyfriend I was even worse. "I... I thought your mom said your dad was dead." Suddenly I was damn glad Joaquín Welles was out of the picture so I didn't have to kill him myself.

"I tried, but he lived." He laughed, a sick little chuckle that sounded nothing like him. "See finally, one day, he hit her in front of me and I just snapped. I pulled the belt out of his hand and beat him so bad they medivac'ed him, and after that he didn't come back no more. To her, he was dead. She doesn't act like she remembers my part in it at all, which... okay. But I always swore that if he's still out there somewhere... well, if he comes back, I'll do it right this time, with a fuckin' gun." He took a shuddering breath. "But all that's over now. I'm tellin' you this because that's the reason that... that the other night I scared myself so bad. I was just like him, all mad as fuck and felt like... like something big and mean just sat up in my head and I could see myself turnin' into my father. I've been sittin' in my room at home just thinking 'maybe I'd be better off dead'. I worried you wouldn't ever speak to me again, and I would... I would deserve it, after..." I stopped him gently.

"You _didn't_ hit me, Jackie." I grabbed his ears, moved his head so we were staring into each other's eyes. The pain in his blue-grey eyes was as familiar to me as my own in the mirror for the past week. "You might have wanted to but you didn't hit me. The shit you said hurt my feelings pretty bad, I'm not gonna lie, but you didn't _punch_ me. You're not like him, babe. And... and if it gets to where you don't think you can control yourself, then yeah, go ahead, leave until you can calm down. But you gotta come back, Jackie. Don't ever leave me like that and not come back, okay?" he sighed and I felt him tensing up but he still nodded hesitantly. I stroked his hair. "Okay." Suddenly I felt him tense up, like something hurt. When I looked down, his face was tense, eyes squinted shut.

"Fuck," he breathed. "I guess... shit... I guess that's related too. Because he would get mad like that, and then he would leave. And we didn't know whether he was comin' back, and that was worse, you know? If he's gone, you've got one set of problems, and if he's not, you've got another. Was that what you were..." He turned anguished eyes to me. "You gotta believe me, _mi corazón_ , I never meant to do that to you. I never wanted to do that to anyone. Fuck, I'm sorry," he was crying now, just like the little kid getting beat for no reason. "I'm so sorry."

"No, babe, it's... well, it's not okay, but it's okay, if you get me. We'll just make sure we don't do this particular shit again. We've all got things in our pasts that won't stay buried, Jack. I do too, God knows. But we can get through it, if you're willing to try. I won't make any more decisions without you, you won't go off and leave me wondering. Deal?" He nodded, clearly at the end of his rope. I was too. Fuck, this relationship business was exhausting. At that thought, I started chuckling under my breath and he eyed me, clearly worried I was making fun of him somehow. "We're a mess, babe." He laughed at that himself.

"Yeah," he huffed, a sparkle of his usual good humor appearing in his tired eyes. "We sorta are." He groaned, dragging his hand down over his face. "I was gonna ask you if you wanted to get food, but... I'm too tired. You look like you are too." He pulled away a little bit, straightened his shoulders. "I guess..." he trailed off.

I sat up and met his eyes squarely. "Jackie... are we still... together? You gotta tell me." He was nodding before I ever finished the sentence.

"Yeah, if you're still willing to... yeah, _mi amor_. I've been a fuckin' wreck all week, thinking I fucked it all up. I thought... I thought you were gone." I felt like a three ton weight I didn't even know I was carrying was suddenly just... gone. If I hadn't been sitting, I might have fallen over. But there was still a thread of annoyance in the explosion of happiness.

"So wait," I said suddenly, turning to look at him, "let me make sure I understand this correctly. _You_ ," I poked him in the chest, hard, making him wince, "were staying away from _me_ ," I thumbed myself much more gently, "because you thought _I_ was mad?" He nodded, with a cautious smile that reminded me of a kid who wanted to pretend he got the joke with everyone else. He didn't even understand why I was asking, which was... Jesus Christ, I guess it was the essence of Jackie Welles in a sense. "Look, you gonk," I said, sitting down straddling his lap and staring directly into his eyes, "clearly you don't listen, so I'm gonna say it again. I'm not going anywhere. I thought _you_ had left, and I was trying to figure out how the fuck I was gonna hold it together without you." Inspiration struck me. "You know, if you'd kept your promise to the Virgin and told me how you were feeling, we could have avoided most of this." He threw his head back against the couch with a disgusted noise.

"Now you sound like _mamá_ , fuckin'..." he started laughing mid-complaint, shaking his head ruefully. "This is what I was sayin' the other day. You only figure out after the fact what these things mean." I didn't miss how his eyes cut to the holo, now muted again, but still speculating on what exactly had gone on in Konpeki Plaza hotel. "Most of the time."

"We can figure them out together, then," I said, curling up against him where I had wanted to be for the past week. "But we're going to have to talk things out. Like I said, both of us have got a lot of shit to unpack. We aren't gonna last unless we talk about this shit." I threaded my fingers through his. "I don't want to have to imagine a life without you, babe. You gotta tell me what you're thinking, though, tell me if something is bugging you or setting you off or whatever, because I'm not gonna just know. We have to talk..." I stopped talking, realizing I was repeating myself. "Well, because we've shown in the past week that not talking doesn't work. Agreed?"

"Yeah." It was a tiny little voice that he used to agree, but... he did agree. Okay, I thought. We can work with this. "I wanna talk. About everything. I can't... can't lose you." As long as we agree on that, I figured, everything else could be dealt with. I snuggled closer to him, reveling in the smell my heart equated with home and comfort.

=

2087 _(ten years later)_

"Guess what happened today, _querido_?" The question was whispered in my ear from behind me. All this time we'd been together, and he still could surprise me. I looked down at the tattooed arms around me, then back at the camera I was running diagnostics on... damn thing needed to be replaced. Someone decided to try to hack it and hit my little surprise, fried the whole secondary circuit board in it. Didn't get what they wanted, though.

"What?" I asked playfully. "Um... Miguelito decided to run for mayor. Your mother discovered she could turn into a bird. Padre called and..." my last guess was cut off by Jackie spinning me around and kissing me, laughing like a little kid. His hair was longer now and starting to go grey, silvering from the temples, and he looked so delicious like that... oof. Everyone told him he ought to be a media now, he looked so handsome and distinguished; that might last until he opened his mouth, I snickered. He was still so handsome he took my breath away. 

"You are so ridiculous, how do you think of all that shit?" He said fondly. "No, the Aldecaldos liked the work I did on the car for that Jimmy guy; they said they would add the garage to their approved vendor list." I smiled over at him, enjoying the excitement on his face. If I had known this would be the result, I would have pushed him into buying a garage long before now. He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss under my ear, making me hum. "I think they might be up for... playin' along in our little experiment." I nodded; that was good news, extremely good news. Might have a new sign on the wall soon. I sent the shutdown codes to the cam, because this called for a celebration. I could come back to it later.

"Of course they did, you do amazing work. It's one of the many reasons I love you," I said. We had only been open close to a year, but word had gotten around that Welles Works could fix pretty much anything with an engine. Jackie had a gift, a gift that had been going mostly ignored when he was running around beating people up and being a merc. Once we aged out of that, though, we got this place with some of our stashed eddies and it had been a wonderful change. My part in the enterprise was security, which applied more to our other biz - the garage was a registered neutral spot. So far we had agreements from 6th Street and the 'Tinos, signed off on by El Capitan, Padre, and Big Will himself. We also got recognition of the neutrality agreements from the Claws, courtesy of Wakako's oldest son, but they were hanging back to see how it worked out before committing. They did let us hang their seal, though, to show they had signed on. The other gang leaders were said to be interested... well, except Maelstrom, but fuck those guys anyway. Even the VDB sent word through anonymous messages that they liked how I ran sec, which... damn, I mean, talk about compliments. I guaranteed SecOps for the spot in case anyone wanted to have a meet here, along with a runner I knew, and so far it was going very well. Jackie was even getting known by a new nickname, 'Páz', so I guess he finally got the big name recognition he wanted after all. 

" _Oye, Páz_ ," came from the garage, where Miguelito's feet were sticking out from under a Mackinaw that looked more like a building than a vehicle. " _Ayudame, por favor_." He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before turning around, already focused on the project at hand. So much for the celebration, looked like. Jackie had hired a few assistants but I knew who the favorite was. I went back to my camera, laughing a bit. Who knew a life in NC could end up so decent? I snuck another glance at those massive shoulders, now bending over the engine block, that firm, solid ass, and Miguelito caught me looking, smirked at me. I flipped him off. He's my husband, I can lech at him if I want, right? Grinning, I got on with my work.


End file.
